Drivel in brochures

[Adrian_Morgan]

What can be done about the drivel being served up in brochures and press releases covering new boats? Boat buyers are intelligent, by and large. By the standards of any other industry the quality is appalling and insulting to those seeking to buy and those writing about new products (as I do).

One particular example, produced by a major UK yard, we are told "is a reflection of the company's pursuit of practical innovations aimed at enhancing the boating experience." That means they do their best to produce a boat we'll enjoy using, presumably.

Take a mild example: "The interior of the S48 is extremely stylish and spacious with atmospheric lighting throughout.." Presumably that's to differentiate it from a competitor's interior which is not stylish and whose lighting only extends half way through the boat. How can anyone write such nonsense about "dedicated draw and cupboard space ..." Dedicated to what? (what is non dedicated space, I ask?).

The galley, we are told is "state of the art", as opposed to "a little dated" perhaps? All this in a "revolutionary" flybridge motor yacht based on a "completely new design". Master cabins are invariably "spacious" as opposed to poky, I imagine and if the word sleek does not appear somewhere in the description it's a miracle.

Oh, and show me a shower room that's not "fully fitted". The new F42-5 may be revolutionary but the publicity material surrounding it is anything but. Tired, old hat, dreary, full of hyperbole, misleading and frankly insulting. We boat owners (and those who have to wade through this drivel in the course of our work) deserve better.

Finally, we are told of this new craft that is will feat "neatly" into a 13m berth. As opposed to untidily. Well, thank goodness for that.

 

[ari]

I couldn't agree more!

I used to enjoy one of their previous lines, used all over their brochures, show stands etc...

"Sealine, see life"

What the hell did that mean???

Ari.

 

[Guest]

What do you want them to put? - "We hope the interior of the S48 is more or less as good as the equivalent Fairline/Princess/etc" "Our engineering standards are a bit ropey to save costs" . They are no worse than most other advertising material.

What does your own firm's brochure say about what you do? Does it perhaps exaggerate your virtues just a teensy bit? Everyone does and the discerning buyer, which most boating people are, knows what questions to ask and uses the brochures mostly to get a general feel for the layout/available finishes and whats in the standard spec.

Content yourself with just reading the bits you need to read e.g. standard/extras spec.

Compare it with a car brochure. One of my sons has just acquired a Ford Fiasco and if you think boat copy writer speak is drivel, have a look at Ford's current brochures - I was almost thinking of replacing my seven series witha Fiesta!

Nick

 

[Guest]

Re: DIY boat-brochure drivel-generator

I have managed to get hold of the list of the available and/or required adjectives as used by the European and US boat-brochure drivel-writing industry. You can use a sub-contractor, or DIY your own drivel to incorporate some or all of the following list. Further derivatives may of course be crerated by hyphenation, prefixing with auto- fully- super- highly- and so on, but this should be used with restraint. Standard procedure requires no less than two adjectives per noun, with a sensible maximum of four. Repeats are allowed, but hyphenated double-adjectives aren't allowed in the same brochure.

Alternatively, (Adrian) if you hate these words, use a black marker pen to cross out any occurences of these words in a boat brochure, although you'll probably end up with just a book of pictures.

Agile, awe-inspiring, high-accelerating attention-grabbing all-embracing, anti-slip automatic appreciable, adjustable, anti-vibration accessible, inaccesible, all-encompassing accurate barely-audible anti-glare, atmospheric, brilliant, bespoke, bewitching, characteristic, curvaceous, carved, carefully-carved, customised,commanding, colourful, class-leading, challenging, self-cleaning, comfortable, convenient, daring capacious, high-capacity, cool, calm, anti-corrosion, corrosion-proof, demanding, undemanding, dominant, discerning dedicated definitive daylight-sensitive highly-developed, fully-developed deep-pile, leading-edge, cost-efficient, energy-efficient hidden, enclosed, fully-enclosed, fully-exposed, new-edge, evolutionary, efficient, enjoyable, expertly-crafted, enviable easily-adjustable, enveloping, all-enveloping easy easily-enjoyable fast flexible future-proof fully-fitted, futuristic, easily-readable, fitted, friendly, user-friendly carefully-fitted, expertly-fitted, close-fitting, free-flowing, high, high-gloss high-quality hard fashionable, -fashioned, hardened hard-wearing individual inconspicuous industry-standard, industry-leading, standard, non-standard, customer-specific, tasteful, special, specially-selected, luxurious long, low, low-noise, modern, natural, neat, new, noticeable, one-touch, omnipresent, practical, powerful, power-assisted, protected, fully-protected, power-sensitive, quick, quiet revolutionary, race-style, rigid, highly-respected, relaxing, reflective anti-reflective, sensible, race-bred, rapid, reliable, reclining, refreshing responsive sleek, superb, secure, satin-finish, stainless, smooth-running, seductive, spacious speedy stylish near-silent, silent, stupendous smooth, soft, seaworthy, seafriendly, sun-worshipping, sun-kissed, slippery, seamanlike, soft-touch tactile sun-resistant, sensitive, super-sensitive, soft-touch, touch-sensitive, tough, traditional, tactile, full-transparent tidy, ultimate warm water-resistant whisper-quiet welcoming, wide, wise, yielding

 

[Deleted User YDKXO]

Compared to car brochures, boat brochures are positively informative. I waded through a weighty and beautifully produced Audi brochure the other week which was full of impossibly good looking people doing various 'lifestyle' things, expecting to see the technical spec at the end of the brochure but bugger all! Apparently I needed a second brochure to find out whether the bloody thing has a sunroof as standard!