EME
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Even the title of this piece left me bemused , should I call it ‘Boating with the Bitch’? In fact Coco is my SWMBO’s family name .. so . In the end I chose discretion in that someone here will tell tell her about the whole thing and she knows what I think anyway. Acknowledgements have to be duly recognised to both TCM and JFM – for no longer inviting me on their boats -- thereby reducing me to parting with my ill-gotten gains on the day charter of a Cranchi Acquamarina . An expense I can ill-afford as a fully-paid up memebr of the British socialist party. Please, no symapathy , well at least for me; given the mishaps that have happened to their vessels while I have been around , it is perfectly understandable.
Background
For those of you that don’t know me or are newer around here -- a little background. I am a wannabe boatowner , well at least that’s my version of events. The fact of the matter that I still don’t own a boat and am renowned along the Cote d’Azur as a ‘tyrekicker’…. Come to think of it I even strike fear into Boat brokers in Italy and Spain and the UK. Put it like this , if you see a brokerage pulling down the shutters at 3 pm it’s likely he’s heard that I’m in town.
Foreplay
That’s the sad thing about September in the South of France. The weather is still great but minor challenges such as work and schooling for offspring , drives perfectly amenable owners back to the UK. The downside for me is that I had to charter a boat for my marine kicks. Fortunately my in-depth knowledge (!!) of the boats in the marinas led me to hire a nice Cranchi for the day. Even this was of course no ordinary transaction as the broker concerned ( he was new to the job) tried to sell me the damn thing first. Anyway having offered him less than 1/2 the weekly charter rate for outright purchase , he agreed to charter at a 50% discount to the ‘published’ rate on the understanding that this would be deducted from the eventual purchase price when I bought it ! ( I told you he was new to the job).
The Planning
Now I don’t mean to belittle those here who indulge in passage planning but my SWMBO (aka TB ( The Boss)) has her own set ritual for such things.
1) Wash the Beach towels
2) New Hat
3) Visit deli for ‘Foie Gras de maison’
4) Recharge batteries for personal CD
5) Another new hat in case one gets blown away
6) Acquire new marigold gloves
7) Make lunchtime booking at La Garoupe restaurant having first checked with me that we have enough anchor chain for a 3-hr mooring in the bay.
8) Fone up her Mum so that they can arrange a mutually convenient time to wave as we go past their flat.
For my part it’s simple,
1) Recover Chartplotter from TCM’s boat
2) Buy 24-pack of beer
3) Fret and moan about her ‘activities’
Rendez-vous with the Boat
It’s 6 am! Forecast is Sunny, F1/2 morning rising F3 afternoon…magic. …We’re going boating ! Pack the Pug and let’s go!
In your dreams - and not in our household. First things first. First thing is I have to see if Marigolds fit ME ( and some you thought she wasn’t that bad!). Why? Simple she knows that lazy lines can be covered in s*** and crud and barneyculls so she doesn’t want of THAT on her new outfit; and while I’m at it I might as well give the sunbeds a good clean at the same time!
Oh well, I’m a new man/wimp and if I argue this one the day is kaput. Go with the flow…
The boat is in Golfe Juan. Now Golfe Juan is famous for ….. nothing. Well actually that is not true. Port Camille Rayon is actually the frogs’ favourite port. It actually has more F1 drivers’ ( past and present) based there than Monaco or Antibes and was allegedly financed by Sheikh Fahd or one of his sons so that he could see his boat from his villa ( this may even be true as my mother-in-law told me.) It is also next door to Juan-les-Pins. For those of you have never been there , JLP is a dump. Peter Starstedt should have been on royalties for what he did for that place’s image . Le Blackpool should be its alternative spelling and even then I might be unfair to Blackpool.
So we turn up…..unload the car…where’s my beer?…….’You know you shouldn’t drink and drive darling , so I left it at home…’……… How much can a mouse take? So I didn’t argue and proudly viewed the berth where I knew the boat would be…Empty….
To Be Continued after a few more beers… if you want me to...
<hr width=100% size=1><font color=blue>I am WHAT I say I am</font color=blue>
Even the title of this piece left me bemused , should I call it ‘Boating with the Bitch’? In fact Coco is my SWMBO’s family name .. so . In the end I chose discretion in that someone here will tell tell her about the whole thing and she knows what I think anyway. Acknowledgements have to be duly recognised to both TCM and JFM – for no longer inviting me on their boats -- thereby reducing me to parting with my ill-gotten gains on the day charter of a Cranchi Acquamarina . An expense I can ill-afford as a fully-paid up memebr of the British socialist party. Please, no symapathy , well at least for me; given the mishaps that have happened to their vessels while I have been around , it is perfectly understandable.
Background
For those of you that don’t know me or are newer around here -- a little background. I am a wannabe boatowner , well at least that’s my version of events. The fact of the matter that I still don’t own a boat and am renowned along the Cote d’Azur as a ‘tyrekicker’…. Come to think of it I even strike fear into Boat brokers in Italy and Spain and the UK. Put it like this , if you see a brokerage pulling down the shutters at 3 pm it’s likely he’s heard that I’m in town.
Foreplay
That’s the sad thing about September in the South of France. The weather is still great but minor challenges such as work and schooling for offspring , drives perfectly amenable owners back to the UK. The downside for me is that I had to charter a boat for my marine kicks. Fortunately my in-depth knowledge (!!) of the boats in the marinas led me to hire a nice Cranchi for the day. Even this was of course no ordinary transaction as the broker concerned ( he was new to the job) tried to sell me the damn thing first. Anyway having offered him less than 1/2 the weekly charter rate for outright purchase , he agreed to charter at a 50% discount to the ‘published’ rate on the understanding that this would be deducted from the eventual purchase price when I bought it ! ( I told you he was new to the job).
The Planning
Now I don’t mean to belittle those here who indulge in passage planning but my SWMBO (aka TB ( The Boss)) has her own set ritual for such things.
1) Wash the Beach towels
2) New Hat
3) Visit deli for ‘Foie Gras de maison’
4) Recharge batteries for personal CD
5) Another new hat in case one gets blown away
6) Acquire new marigold gloves
7) Make lunchtime booking at La Garoupe restaurant having first checked with me that we have enough anchor chain for a 3-hr mooring in the bay.
8) Fone up her Mum so that they can arrange a mutually convenient time to wave as we go past their flat.
For my part it’s simple,
1) Recover Chartplotter from TCM’s boat
2) Buy 24-pack of beer
3) Fret and moan about her ‘activities’
Rendez-vous with the Boat
It’s 6 am! Forecast is Sunny, F1/2 morning rising F3 afternoon…magic. …We’re going boating ! Pack the Pug and let’s go!
In your dreams - and not in our household. First things first. First thing is I have to see if Marigolds fit ME ( and some you thought she wasn’t that bad!). Why? Simple she knows that lazy lines can be covered in s*** and crud and barneyculls so she doesn’t want of THAT on her new outfit; and while I’m at it I might as well give the sunbeds a good clean at the same time!
Oh well, I’m a new man/wimp and if I argue this one the day is kaput. Go with the flow…
The boat is in Golfe Juan. Now Golfe Juan is famous for ….. nothing. Well actually that is not true. Port Camille Rayon is actually the frogs’ favourite port. It actually has more F1 drivers’ ( past and present) based there than Monaco or Antibes and was allegedly financed by Sheikh Fahd or one of his sons so that he could see his boat from his villa ( this may even be true as my mother-in-law told me.) It is also next door to Juan-les-Pins. For those of you have never been there , JLP is a dump. Peter Starstedt should have been on royalties for what he did for that place’s image . Le Blackpool should be its alternative spelling and even then I might be unfair to Blackpool.
So we turn up…..unload the car…where’s my beer?…….’You know you shouldn’t drink and drive darling , so I left it at home…’……… How much can a mouse take? So I didn’t argue and proudly viewed the berth where I knew the boat would be…Empty….
To Be Continued after a few more beers… if you want me to...
<hr width=100% size=1><font color=blue>I am WHAT I say I am</font color=blue>
