tcm
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You may remember that haydn (hlb) mentioned that as well as sorting out the burgees, he also had happened aross 100 gallons of chemical that seemed to clean boats. So, I bribed him to send some, which he kindly sent along, 2 blimmin gallons. I pm'd to say erm what is it? No idea, he says. OK, sendit anyway. He put a little sign on it that said "mucky farters special boat removing Elixir" and "Do not drink this!"
Also I was alerted to that "cleanahoy" stuff which is tender cleaner. Wel, it's not "tender" like uncooked meat, but for clening tenders. I sent off for two bottles of that, and advised emma who look after the boat that i would sned down these magic chemicals for a dinghy cleaning comparative test this weekend.
So, stationed between the Iles de Lerins near cannes i am ready to perform the test. Well, actually, it was blowing, we're hiding from wind, but this was an excellent spot. Oh alright, i had probbly drunk far too much at lunch , bit bored, and thought ooh i remember, those dinghy chemicals! - let's tryem!
So, out with the blue petrol-proof sweeping brush (yellow bristles fall to bits but blue is ok) and bosh first try the special purpose dinghy cleaner. squirt squirt squirt. Then bashed away with the brush.
Sod all, i am afraid. I really wanted shatteringly bright white dinghy again, but it was just a bit foamy. I mean it was cleaner, but not bang wow clean, like say some decent dangerous acid would be on rusty metal, or acetone on some other things. So, in order to make sure i had properly tested the stuff, i unscrewed the cap and tipped the whole rest of the bottle on which i spect should have been enuf for ten dinghies and waited a bit whilst had another beer. Dinghy still fairly clean, but not new-lookingly white. Obviously, it was cleaner, but about the same as if cleaned with Fairy, mebbe a bit better, but not much. EXperimentally chucked a bit of beer on. No effect either.
So, bugger, waste of 15 quid damnit. Rinsed off dinghy, rinsed off some more with sweepy brush in the sea, then again with fresh water from transom shower. Bit annoyed now, decided to tip the other bottle of wasteoftime dinghy cleaner in the sea, cos the chemical cupboard is a bit full of all stuff, no need to waste time and effort keeping something that does nothing much really, so in it went. Had yet another beer.
Next off, Haydn's gear. Maybe best try it in port of another day, says swmbo. No no, we may as well tryem both now, for comparison. Carefullyish got a bit in a bucket. I accidentally stepped on another plastic bucket and split it a bit, but no matyer, we have ots of biuckets, so never mind.
Plopped sweeping brush into bucket of H's special potion, and lightly apply. Alright, I whammed it on, convinced that this seems the same sort of white useless chemical too. It might have been diluted or mebbe not. Also, the 2 gallon container v heavy and sploshed a bit. Anyway - Horrors! After short bit of sweeping brushering, the dinghy turned yellow! Argh! Took sunglasses off to check it really was yellow. Sunglasses were already off. More Argh! Swmbo says well what does it say on the container? Um, well, it says "Boat Remover"m but never mind about that, look, damn damn damn, and Argh. And I have splashed some around the deck geting it into the bucket too! Perhaps it's a chemical reaction says swmbo trying to be helpful? Right yeah well it is definitely a chemical reaction but that doesn't help now does it, unless you want a yellowish dinghy. Damn, again. Thinks. I know! More chemicals! Let's try and cure it quick, with that sort teaky bleach, second half of the two-part teak cleaner. Is this a good idea say swmbo? Look, a yellow dinghy isn't a good idea is it? Swill out bucket, bit of teak bleachy summink, not sure what that is either, third chemical attack of the afternoon on the dinghy and phew, boat turns less yellow. Phew. Though still not very very white either. Decided not to try any more dinghy cleaning for a little while.
Recovering, decided H's mad chemical is just too mad to have on board. Like the other stuff was useles, this is just dangerous innit? But it might kill the fish if tippit out? Soddit, much too dangerous here, and could have a yellow dinghy again! I don't fancy using it now, far too dodgy, so heyho, it can go too so tipped entire 2 galls of boat-removing elixir into the sea, and rinsed out the canister. Phew. That's got rid of that. Nightmare over.
Tem minutes later, probably unconnected, I spotted a boat had somehow parked itself into the rocks 600 yds away on other side of channel, between the two islands. Hm. An opportunity for more seafaring mayhem. Launched the dinghy, looked around for the key for five minutes, then tried to find magic grp-fixing kit, but couldn't find that either (until the next day) and by now the lifeboat has turned up. Aso, the cliff-hugging boat is deeper in the water. So, went across, but lifeguardy chap says the boat has a big hole in it, so they are just waiting for them to clear their stuff out, nothingh to see here. Bit sad. I spoke to the owners on their boat and signalled "Are you okay?". The lady on the boat actually stopped packing all her stuff out of recently smashedboat and waved us smilingly to say "Yes, we're fine thanks!" Fair enough.
Back to our boat. Parked dinghy...walked up the steps..where i noticed that just where i had sploshed the boat-cleaning elixir - was incredibibly clean on the GRP! Just a little dribble-shaped very clean bit - cleanr even than when cleaned with petrol! Fab! But, i had already tipped the whole lot overboard (which had nothing to do with that boar sinking). Damn.
That was a bit stupid eh says swmbo. Yeah, but she MADE me tip the damn stuff overboard, sort of, in the first place. Probaly sank that boat too, haha! she sed. Shuttup shutup.
Anyway, had lots more drinks, resolved to buy some more of H's dangerous chemcial BUT use a bit more cautiously. And not on the dinghy. And not after liquid lunch either. I suppose it could have been beer, or Cointreau that did the clean bit, but I am unlikely to have split that much really.
Here endeth the test.
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Also I was alerted to that "cleanahoy" stuff which is tender cleaner. Wel, it's not "tender" like uncooked meat, but for clening tenders. I sent off for two bottles of that, and advised emma who look after the boat that i would sned down these magic chemicals for a dinghy cleaning comparative test this weekend.
So, stationed between the Iles de Lerins near cannes i am ready to perform the test. Well, actually, it was blowing, we're hiding from wind, but this was an excellent spot. Oh alright, i had probbly drunk far too much at lunch , bit bored, and thought ooh i remember, those dinghy chemicals! - let's tryem!
So, out with the blue petrol-proof sweeping brush (yellow bristles fall to bits but blue is ok) and bosh first try the special purpose dinghy cleaner. squirt squirt squirt. Then bashed away with the brush.
Sod all, i am afraid. I really wanted shatteringly bright white dinghy again, but it was just a bit foamy. I mean it was cleaner, but not bang wow clean, like say some decent dangerous acid would be on rusty metal, or acetone on some other things. So, in order to make sure i had properly tested the stuff, i unscrewed the cap and tipped the whole rest of the bottle on which i spect should have been enuf for ten dinghies and waited a bit whilst had another beer. Dinghy still fairly clean, but not new-lookingly white. Obviously, it was cleaner, but about the same as if cleaned with Fairy, mebbe a bit better, but not much. EXperimentally chucked a bit of beer on. No effect either.
So, bugger, waste of 15 quid damnit. Rinsed off dinghy, rinsed off some more with sweepy brush in the sea, then again with fresh water from transom shower. Bit annoyed now, decided to tip the other bottle of wasteoftime dinghy cleaner in the sea, cos the chemical cupboard is a bit full of all stuff, no need to waste time and effort keeping something that does nothing much really, so in it went. Had yet another beer.
Next off, Haydn's gear. Maybe best try it in port of another day, says swmbo. No no, we may as well tryem both now, for comparison. Carefullyish got a bit in a bucket. I accidentally stepped on another plastic bucket and split it a bit, but no matyer, we have ots of biuckets, so never mind.
Plopped sweeping brush into bucket of H's special potion, and lightly apply. Alright, I whammed it on, convinced that this seems the same sort of white useless chemical too. It might have been diluted or mebbe not. Also, the 2 gallon container v heavy and sploshed a bit. Anyway - Horrors! After short bit of sweeping brushering, the dinghy turned yellow! Argh! Took sunglasses off to check it really was yellow. Sunglasses were already off. More Argh! Swmbo says well what does it say on the container? Um, well, it says "Boat Remover"m but never mind about that, look, damn damn damn, and Argh. And I have splashed some around the deck geting it into the bucket too! Perhaps it's a chemical reaction says swmbo trying to be helpful? Right yeah well it is definitely a chemical reaction but that doesn't help now does it, unless you want a yellowish dinghy. Damn, again. Thinks. I know! More chemicals! Let's try and cure it quick, with that sort teaky bleach, second half of the two-part teak cleaner. Is this a good idea say swmbo? Look, a yellow dinghy isn't a good idea is it? Swill out bucket, bit of teak bleachy summink, not sure what that is either, third chemical attack of the afternoon on the dinghy and phew, boat turns less yellow. Phew. Though still not very very white either. Decided not to try any more dinghy cleaning for a little while.
Recovering, decided H's mad chemical is just too mad to have on board. Like the other stuff was useles, this is just dangerous innit? But it might kill the fish if tippit out? Soddit, much too dangerous here, and could have a yellow dinghy again! I don't fancy using it now, far too dodgy, so heyho, it can go too so tipped entire 2 galls of boat-removing elixir into the sea, and rinsed out the canister. Phew. That's got rid of that. Nightmare over.
Tem minutes later, probably unconnected, I spotted a boat had somehow parked itself into the rocks 600 yds away on other side of channel, between the two islands. Hm. An opportunity for more seafaring mayhem. Launched the dinghy, looked around for the key for five minutes, then tried to find magic grp-fixing kit, but couldn't find that either (until the next day) and by now the lifeboat has turned up. Aso, the cliff-hugging boat is deeper in the water. So, went across, but lifeguardy chap says the boat has a big hole in it, so they are just waiting for them to clear their stuff out, nothingh to see here. Bit sad. I spoke to the owners on their boat and signalled "Are you okay?". The lady on the boat actually stopped packing all her stuff out of recently smashedboat and waved us smilingly to say "Yes, we're fine thanks!" Fair enough.
Back to our boat. Parked dinghy...walked up the steps..where i noticed that just where i had sploshed the boat-cleaning elixir - was incredibibly clean on the GRP! Just a little dribble-shaped very clean bit - cleanr even than when cleaned with petrol! Fab! But, i had already tipped the whole lot overboard (which had nothing to do with that boar sinking). Damn.
That was a bit stupid eh says swmbo. Yeah, but she MADE me tip the damn stuff overboard, sort of, in the first place. Probaly sank that boat too, haha! she sed. Shuttup shutup.
Anyway, had lots more drinks, resolved to buy some more of H's dangerous chemcial BUT use a bit more cautiously. And not on the dinghy. And not after liquid lunch either. I suppose it could have been beer, or Cointreau that did the clean bit, but I am unlikely to have split that much really.
Here endeth the test.
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