One arm Pete.

[burgundyben]

I have been chatting up a barmaid over the last few weeks and last night me and a couple of mates were talking about a bloke known locally as "one arm Pete", and the barmaid, bright lass, said "why dya call him one arm Pete", we all said, not surprisingly "cos he's only got one arm"

Anyhow, it spoarked off a discussion about nicknames in the the village over the last few years, and some of them, we think are quite funny, so here they are.

GIRLS

whirlybird - she's a it dizzy
fair maiden - mmmm, lovelly and whirlybird's little sister
Blokes Head - need not say too much more
Claire the bloke - need to say even less
FATHOM - stood for Fat Awful Think Horrid Organic Mess ( thats gonna get me into trouble)
Lurch - no looker
big back - deceptive, does not look so bad, cept you cant reach round her..
the jailer - has a voice like the jailer in life of brian
iron tits - was the land lady, and they are like iron

BLOKES
harry salami - I dunno why
stretch - very long arms, aka straight arms
doctor power pole - dunno
nurse lovebush - dunno
one arm pete - obvious
top shelf tony - er, associated with his choice of literature
village - as in idiot
seventies pete - due to his shirts
broken brain - no more needs to be said
poo - dunno
clumsy - one man disaster zone
racing snake - skinny bloke
the ginger prince - he's a ginga of course
burgundyben - yours truly



"Who was he?"

 

[sailbadthesinner]

bloody ell
we have

mad max

dave the jeweller
big dave smith
little dave smith
willy the plumb
hasty real name Hastillo italian type name
Ricky Roo no idea
Bully no idea
Taff he sounds brummie to me
Wint shortened down from Dale Winton
Meld as in victor meldrew
Barkish surname Barker

everyone else uses their normal name
the girls
we have

Mother of the year obvious
Cyling proficiency village bike
and
ohmygod maxshe'sjustwalkingin i dunno who that is

i think we need to be more inventive, still it is the midlands

Ok brain let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

 

[paulineb]

The only one I can remember is BeeCee = as in BCSD (big car small dick)

Pxx

 

[syd]

Hmmm..... Gets you thinking of the characters you associate with and how they get these nick names without anyone noticing.....they're just called that, always have been!

Heres some of my erm.. friends....

Jelly legs.... Dave, he has a walking problem when he's drunk (don't we all)
Big Gay Al... Alan. (He's not)
Big straight Al.. Alan (he is)
Lightbulb... Andy (blond hair)
The fat Slags... Hazel, Julie and Anne. (they are)
Rent Boy.. Jason (he's a debt collector)
Albash... He's a drummer
Horse..... Julie2 (she looks like one)
The Cancer twins.. Sandra and Paula the barmaids (they spread gossip)
Fatboy... Trevor (obvious)
Gussett... Gil, Trevor's wife. (she's always flashing hers)
Skipp... Me, cause I'm young, slim, bloody good looking and own a boat.

Skipp

 

[burgundyben]

I forgot one

Big drinks Dave - speaks for its self, I got tannoyed on a pompey-cherbourg ferry once, they had him in the brig cos he had rolled down some stairs landed on a woman with his hands in unfortunate places (fortunate for him tho...) they wanted me to pay bail to get him out, I left him in there and went back to the bar....

oh and Battletoad - god knows why




"Who was he?"

 

[hlb]

Winker. His mother would not allow W*nker.
Shag. Any of Winkers mates.
WWWClingandClang.Com The builders.
Hansel and gretal. Hit one. They both limp.
Suit. Obvious.
Masda. He once owned one many years ago.
Chippy ?
Chippy Dave ??
Loopy Linda. You would have to meet here!
And not forgetting Tutts!!


<font color=blue> Haydn

 

[coliholic]

Re: Onestone.

In this out of the way village there was a INJIN called "Onestone". This was his Indian name because he had only one testicle.

After years and years of this torment onestone cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him Onestone any more.

Then one day a young girl forgot and said, "Good morning Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest, where he shagged her all day, he shagged her all night, he shagged her all the next day, until she died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant business.

Years went by until a woman returned to the village after many years away. She was overjoyed when she saw Onestone and hugged him and said, "Good to see you Onestone." Again, Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he shagged her all day, shagged her all night, shagged her all the next day, shagged her all the next night, but ... she wouldn't die!

What is the moral of the story?






You can't kill two birds with one stone.

 

[burgundyben]

Re: Onestone.

[ah em!] if I know but paulineb sed in a PM she wants to die of sex, r u shore it was nay her?

"Who was he?"

 

[burgundyben]

that was odd

I used the word fu*ked and it was edited out sort of ortomaticly, like a borg Kim watchin each post, and I only came back to say that Igot a nice single malt for chrimbo that I just opened

"Who was he?"

 

[burgundyben]

that was odd

I used the word fu*ked and it was edited out sort of ortomaticly, like a borg Kim watchin each post, and I only came back to say that I got a nice single malt for chrimbo that I just opened

"Who was he?"

 

[burgundyben]

that was odd

I used the word fu*ked and it was edited out sort of ortomaticly, like a borg Kim watchin each post, and I only came back to say that I got a nice single malt for chrimbo that I just opened

"Who was he?"