Aussie accident report

paulineb

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Australian bricklayer report

Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.......

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be suffiient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building.
When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.

Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowing only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.

Kind Regards,

Mike Pashby

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boatone

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Sorry Pauline..........

....but this story has been around for years. Used to be told by that brilliant humerous monologue exponent Gerald Hoffnung who told it at the Albert Hall in the sixties I think........its even funnier when you hear him deliver it/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

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paulineb

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Re: Sorry Tony..........

... but your a lot older than me - it was the first time i'd seen it /forums/images/icons/smile.gif

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qsiv

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Re: Sorry Pauline..........

The original (Hoffnung) version is side splitting - and still exists as a recording somewhere. Fortunately we dont get the phonetic punctuation mixed in with the story - but with Hoffnung's skill as a racconteur the story seems to go on for ever.

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milltech

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Re: Sorry Pauline..........

Well I can beat the lot of you, I've still got the 10" LP, (what's one of those you ask), Hoffnung at the Oxford Union. This includes that story as well as the truly brillient letters from Austrian hoteliers in response to a room request, and Hoffnungs advice to foreign tourists in London, including, "All brothels display a blue light", "and ignore all keep left signs, these are merely political slogans".

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oldsaltoz

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Re: Aussie, I think NOT

G'day paulineb,

You really should up date your material, but if you would like from the master, click the link below.

Please note this is neither new nor Ozzie material.............



<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.alltheweb.com/search?cat=mp3&cs=utf-8&q=Hoffnung>http://www.alltheweb.com/search?cat=mp3&cs=utf-8&q=Hoffnung</A>



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qsiv

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Re: Sorry Pauline..........

Now that has caused me to commit one of the seven sins - I'm coveting someone elses posessions!

As for LP's - my only problem is having to fish the deck out from storage for the odd occasion I need to use it - I copied most of my stuff to CD (well MP3 anyway) for safekeeping.

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milltech

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Re: Sorry Pauline..........

I do the same, but as for copying onto CD I gotta admit I don't know how to do that, and further, my computer can't do it anyway. I think it's time I invested in a new one.


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milltech

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Re: Aussie, I think NOT

That link just seems feature some dull German warbler, and some news comentary. No matter how funny the German language I wasn't able to giggle, am I looking in der wrongen placen?

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Observer

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That\'s what I call ROTFL material

It's a wonderful, wonderful album. Used to listen to it all the time as a child.

"When eating celery in bed - the navel, the navel - is a very convenient place to keep the salt."

And the aunt who had "a peculiar habit" of eating bedknobs.

I'd love to have a recording of it for my children. If I can't download from the web, would you send me a tape?




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milltech

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Re: That\'s what I call ROTFL material

If there is a demand I'll get it done, my pal down the road seems to have every gismo known to man for downloading music etc. My problem is that i have the LP but the turntable is stored in the barn.

You could probably have a very scratched Noel Coward live in Las Vegas from the same period if you also like "Alice is at it again" etc.

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