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  • git

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Two tourists were driving through Wales.

At Lanfairpwllgwyngllgogerychwryndrobwllyantsllyogogogoch,
they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress, "Before we order
please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The blonde waitress leaned over and said.....

"Burrr-gurrr-Kinngg..."
 
Out on her royal yacht the Queen was enjoying the sea air when she
spied

a man in the water off the port bow - clearly being menaced by a very

large shark.


Through her binoculars she could see it was Christian Ronaldo,

struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 20 foot
shark!

The queen ordered the captain to change course to try and save the
poor

man, but she knew the yacht's top speed would never get them there in

time.


At that exact moment a speedboat containing three men wearing white

England shirts sped into view.


One of the men took aim at the shark and fired a harpoon into its
ribs,

immobilising it instantly.


The other two reached out and pulled Ronaldo from the water and, using

long clubs, beat the shark to death.


They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious Ronaldo into the speedboat

along with the dead shark and prepared for a hasty retreat, when they

heard frantic calling .......


It was the Queen calling them to the yacht.

On reaching yacht the Queen went into raptures about the rescue and
said

to Beckham, Rooney and Gerrard (for it was they) "I will give you a

knighthood for your brave actions. I thought the England team would
hate

Ronaldo after the world cup, but I see that my England team are true

heroes and should serve as a model for sportsmanship to other

countries."


She knighted them there and then, and proceeded to sail away.

As she departed Rooney asked the others, "Who was that?!"


"That," Beckham answered, "was our Queen. She rules the Commonwealth
and

knows everything about our country."


"Well," Rooney replied, "she definitely knows [--word removed--]-all about shark

fishing.


How's the bait holding up?"
 
That's absolutely typical of you lot I ask a simple question and you answer it in such a cavalier way,I feel totally humiliated and am going off to post a poll.Sulk,sulk,sulk,and if this had sound you would hear my toys hitting the nursery floor.

OBTW.Thanks.
 
I know that waitress last time I asked Her She said "Burrrger Orrrf" Anyway Smart Arse you,ve missed an "i" out of the spelling of My Little Village. I lost my virginity to the waitresses Mother (small world round here). I know cos She,s the only Blond for miles. I told My Mate the other day, "See that field by there" "Yes He said" "That,s where I lost My Virginity" says I look you, and her Grandmother was watching. "Bloody Hell" says My Mate "What did She say" "Baahh "says I! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
 
Oh dear, have I upset you a lttle. I really am sorry if that is the case. The problem is I have this need inside me to help people and if you ask a questiomn to which I know the answer I just can't help myself, it just comes pouring out without a thought for your feelings of possible inadequacy.

I truly am deeply apologetic and will ask my therapist if she can recommend some sort of retentiveness treatment that might make me more sensitive and enable me to let my vast knowledge impart itself in a less hostile way.

In the meantime, I do hope you found the lakeside webcam a soothing experience.......
 
Painting is finished . . . . apart from those horrible little bits where she is sitting in the cradle.

Tomorow I think a seminal moment - the cushions go back in . . .

- N
 
Here's the 500th - half way there chaps - this should have reached 1000 before we leave. We will print it out, laminate it and stick it to the bulkhead in the saloon.

- W
 
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