Sixpence
Active member
Ah , so sorry , here's one for you to shove anywhere you feel like shoving it , as long as you can physically reach it , smart arse .... i ..... /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
1,000 post threads
- Thread starter Phoenix of Hamble
- Start date
Sixpence
Active member
___________________________________________ PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?" _____________________________________________
Sixpence
Active member
JACK AND JILL
>Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side
"When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers," he said.
"I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large. "I told her, 'of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will'".
"Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem."
Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone
after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on. Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them. "Exactly," replied Jack. "I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that."
Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. " Try these on," she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.
"I can't possibly get into your knickers," said Jack.
"Exactly," replied Jill. "And if you don't change your f******g attitude, you never will!!!!"
>Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side
"When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers," he said.
"I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large. "I told her, 'of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will'".
"Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem."
Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone
after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on. Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them. "Exactly," replied Jack. "I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that."
Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. " Try these on," she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.
"I can't possibly get into your knickers," said Jack.
"Exactly," replied Jill. "And if you don't change your f******g attitude, you never will!!!!"
Sixpence
Active member
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them his results after the examination.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning,hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Paddy from Belfast, 3, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken."
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning,hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Paddy from Belfast, 3, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken."
tazzle
New member
Sumpie
New member
Saddam Hussein is found guilty and sentenced to death by firing squad. The night before the execution he is visited in his cell and told as a last request he may choose the firing squad. He ponders for a moment, then answers...
"I'll have Gerrard, Carragher and Lampard from 12 yards....".
"I'll have Gerrard, Carragher and Lampard from 12 yards....".
Sixpence
Active member
Oh dear Sumpie , and I thought mine were old , and bad
Sumpie
New member
Oh, they are.
Sixpence
Active member
oh no they're not
Sumpie
New member
are too
Sixpence
Active member
are not
Sumpie
New member
methinks you doth protest too much
Sixpence
Active member
ang on , isn't that what I'm supposed to say
Sumpie
New member
obviously not if it never occurred to you
Sixpence
Active member
very true , but then I'm a bit slow these days
Sumpie
New member
Don't try and play the sympathy card, you should know better by now that's the last thing to work round here! Next you'll be blaming things on the plate you got in your head after being shot during the Crimean War...
Sixpence
Active member
now would I do such a thing /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
JKay
New member
are you really GC1?
cheers Joe
cheers Joe
Sixpence
Active member
wouldn't you like to know
JKay
New member
/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
cheers Joe
cheers Joe