theguvnor
Active member
PETER KAYS UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
> > >
> > > 1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
> > >
> > > 2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
> > >
> > > 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is
when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete
stranger.
> > >
> > > 4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
> > >
> > > 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
> > >
> > > 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
> > >
> > > 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
> > >
> > > 8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not
to have a bonfire in your back garden.
> > >
> > > 10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
> > >
> > > 11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
> > >
> > > 12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
> > >
> > > 13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
> > >
> > > 14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a
bouncy ball.
> > >
> > > 15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
> > >
> > > 16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your
school.
> > >
> > > 17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to
call your teacher mum or dad.
> > >
> > > 18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill
you at the first given opportunity.
> > >
> > > 19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
> > >
> > > 20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed
half way through and then raced against the flush.
> > >
> > > 21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
> > >
> > > 22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
> > >
> > > 23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
> > >
> > > 24) You never ever run out of salt.
> > >
> > > 25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
> > >
> > > 26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
> > >
> > > 27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when
you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
> > >
> > > 28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
> > >
> > > 29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has
had their arm broken by a swan.
> > >
> > > 30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and
stepping on an upturned plug.
> > >
> > > 31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
> > >
> > > 32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin
piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
> > >
> > > 33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
> > >
> > > 34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
> > >
> > > 35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
> > >
> > > 36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad
<hr width=100% size=1>
> > >
> > > 1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
> > >
> > > 2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
> > >
> > > 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is
when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete
stranger.
> > >
> > > 4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
> > >
> > > 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
> > >
> > > 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
> > >
> > > 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
> > >
> > > 8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not
to have a bonfire in your back garden.
> > >
> > > 10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
> > >
> > > 11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
> > >
> > > 12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
> > >
> > > 13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
> > >
> > > 14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a
bouncy ball.
> > >
> > > 15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
> > >
> > > 16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your
school.
> > >
> > > 17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to
call your teacher mum or dad.
> > >
> > > 18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill
you at the first given opportunity.
> > >
> > > 19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
> > >
> > > 20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed
half way through and then raced against the flush.
> > >
> > > 21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
> > >
> > > 22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
> > >
> > > 23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
> > >
> > > 24) You never ever run out of salt.
> > >
> > > 25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
> > >
> > > 26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
> > >
> > > 27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when
you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
> > >
> > > 28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
> > >
> > > 29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has
had their arm broken by a swan.
> > >
> > > 30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and
stepping on an upturned plug.
> > >
> > > 31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
> > >
> > > 32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin
piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
> > >
> > > 33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
> > >
> > > 34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
> > >
> > > 35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
> > >
> > > 36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad
<hr width=100% size=1>
