Fenderstep 3

[tcm]

Re: Design faults

Hm. Be honest- there's room for improvement. For example, my forthcoming FenderPong is a fender which handily uses up the wasted space inside the fenders as micro-holding tanks, each capable of holding a whole weekend of pooh and releases the contents when squeezed by a rafting boat. Another useful new product I plan is Radarswat which combines a radar screen which handily detaches to a big flat thing for crunching flies against the inside of a saloon window. Finally, there's MoneyPit, which instantly converts 50 grand in the bank into a large white plastic boat. Beat that!

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[claymore]

Limited amusement....
Well, Mr Designer - you could up the ante a bit here and increase that to loads of amusement with a few innovations.
Have you considered different colour schemes for example?
What about a Red one and a green one for the obvious Port and Starboard coordination.
I think I have a left handed one - did you plan for this in your design or is it a happy accident of chance?
What about a Blue one and Pink one for the stinkies - they go for the his and hers routines
Did you consider Male and Female versions?
There's quite a lot more you could be doing here.
I love my fenderstep and my only disappointment is in the fact that having established myself as the Forum Fenderstep Champion, there has been no acknowledgement of this from yourself in the time honoured tradition of a free one.
The other thing that could be sorted out - on a slightly serious note, is your distribution. Just try phoning up Preston Marina and asking if they could get you one.


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Claymore
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[Twister_Ken]

Claymore,

Is your Fenderstep available for hire? Having not received one for Father's Day, I find myself unable to face up to the considerable financial investment required to become proud owner of a fenderstep without a try before you buy facility.

PS Can it be sent in a plain brown enveope, please?

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[claymore]

Ken
Bien Sur as they say.
I too was not in receipt of Father's Day present and so I feel united in this joint dissappointment in the offspring.
I can get the fenderstep into the envelope but I've just been looking at the slot in the post box and I think we have a problem here.
I could slash it and then it would go in nicely but really - the crux is obviously concerned with the fenderstep repair kit and indeed whether such a thing exists.
Its obvious from the designers lack of charity that we'd have to pay for this - but what the hell - we're young and wealthy.
Will I slash it or should I hang on until you've found out whether they are repairable or whether this would be the unkindest cut of all?
There must be a Surgeon amongst falorum members who could advise?

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Claymore
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[Twister_Ken]

I must say that a circumcised genderstep would be a considerable disappointment ('dis appointment is considerable, sir).

Could you not petition the Post Master General (possibly Peter Hain, Alistair Darling or Lord Domebender) to increase the size of your slot?

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[claymore]

I\'ve been thinking

We could use the tides.
If I set it loose at the top end of the Sound of Jura at HW Oban -1, it would catch the ebb down towards you.
I'll write "KEEP OFF - ON HIRE TO TWISTER KEN" which will sort out the security and you just need to catch it before it gets down to puffwellie where apparently there is a nest of tosspots who nick that sort of thing. Are they like lobster pots that just toss around a bit more?

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Claymore
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[tome]

Woz a Fenderstep Unit?

It sounds rather musical, maybe like a dozen semi-quavers. On second thoughts it has to be nautical. 1500 in 6 months, err 250 a month so about 8 a day?

"I did 8 FU's today"...some sort of pill? Bittersweet?

Bitter! That's it - a Fenderstep Unit is a pint!

Still don't understand why it needs batteries or what the third hole is for.


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[claymore]

Re: Woz a Fenderstep Unit?

Shouldn't you be down at the 'Nick doing something with your driving licence?

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Claymore
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[tome]

Re: Woz a Fenderstep Unit?

Spent an hour hunting down MOT and insurance this morning, still haven't found licence M'lud...

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[Twister_Ken]

Oh ancient celtic/gaelic mariner

I ken that things are different north of ra border, but shurely your tides, like the stockmarket, go up as well as down.

Therefore heaving the object of desire into the briny at the right point of the tide will result in it bobbing seductively southwards for a demi-semi-day, at which point it will do an about turn, and return to its first, unfaithful love, almost certainly to entwine itself hopelessly about your appendages.

I fear firmer action will be required. Could you not train a Dolphin to tow it around? (Nb. Please make sure dolphin has been neutered, or there could be many a tryst between the Forth of Fifth and the River Humble.)



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[Twister_Ken]

Re: Woz a Fenderstep Unit?

>still haven't found licence M'lud...<

A likely story. So they was right to nick you, just a little confused. It was the driver that was unlicenced, not the vee-hickle.

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[tome]

Re: Woz a Fenderstep Unit?

Woe is me, I can't recall when I last saw the wretched document. Found a Texas licence, expired 99.

Fear I hear the distant sound of approaching manacles... may stop for a last FU on the way home tonight. Are they kind to new inmates these days?

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[claymore]

Re: Oh ancient celtic/gaelic mariner

Yes - I gave this some thought but on checking, the tides tend to go out for a bit longer than they come in so I reckoned that whilst there would be a fair bit of to-ing and fro-ing - it would generally end up down south. Especially if we do this in the rainy season when there is more water coming down the rivers.
I don't know why I've got sucked into this - I love Fiona the Fenderstep just as much as I love Brenda the Big Fat Red Fender who, though simpler of line has kept me comfortable for some years.
Perhaps if the fenderstep designer chappie has an ounce of gratitude for the commercial avalanche I've obviously created here by drawing peeps attention to the product - he'll give me one ( a fenderstep) and then I will give it to you ( the fenderstep)

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Claymore
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