The National Boat Service

[tcm]

Re: Ms Rogers

You may recall that Ms Rogers was involved in an unseemly disagreemnt with the regards to intergration of the services, and took the phrase somewhat too literally rather than staying in the womens quarters provided. I understand that she still maintains a regular fitnes schedule, and should have no problems coping with cramped conditions below desks. I mean decks.

 

[Guest]

New Labour

New Boat

"Boat Labour"

Nick

 

[Guest]

Under the principles of Proportional Representation, I assume it will be one boater, one boat?

Nick

 

[david_e]

Honest Guv

Thanks for claryfing that Herr Leopard it's fine with me. Now then, as to the value of my little Benteau. Due to anticipated mass shortages the price of my boat has Octupled but that won't be a problem for you 'cause I'll take cash from the Generous Loans Ministry. (The same one that lends to buy dodgy steel works!)

 

[Geoffs]

Taxes

Great scheme. But it has to be paid for, a tax increase will be necessary. 95% for those earning more than £100k pa.

Oh no! Can't do that, they're going to do that to pay for the NHS.

 

[tcm]

Re: eh? certainly not

All the poor people will have five boats but at least four will be taken away from them. All the rich people will have one or two, but praps not even consider one until they are thirty or more.

 

[tcm]

Re: Taxes

I hope that you don't think that as a govt we'll be paying the ridiculous prices for marinas based on huge forward rentals? They will be valued on the basis that all the moorings are free, and then compuslorily purchased. Also, the likihood is that with boats in the UK being free, whereas they cost loads in the med, lots of rich peeps will stay in the UK and lash out large qtys of cash on our badly cash-strapped tourist areas. Windermer may remain 10 mph limit, but Coniston and Ullswater will be nutter lakes and attract lots of viewers.

 

[tcm]

Re: Hmm

Unfortunately, the value of your benteau has just fallen thru the floor, as we'll be paying massively discounted prices for new ones.

 

[JohnR]

Re: Hmm

Motor Boating and String Vest state in their editorial that one of your ministers was a member of the Notional Union of Seamen and in fact was a steward on MV Leotard - is it true that you will be appointing him as Parliamentary Commissioner for Boating Backhanders?

 

[Gludy]

Waiting on the straps

And what may I ask will be the target time in hours for boats suspended in the lift awaiting their ant-foul treatment!!!? I believe that 4 hours should be the maximum allowed. We cannot have a repeat of the NHS were people are left in corridors on trolleys for hours and hours. Target times please.

I beleive that there are now a number of unemployed spin doctors. These should be employed making sure that all the boat propellors spin true and at the correct speed and above all at the correct time - on no account can such doctors be put in charge of ant-fouling.

Paul

 

[longjohnsilver]

Fouling ants

Where do you find these strange critters?

Are they also supposed to be supplied with the sacred supply of boats. Will this not raise the tax rates to unacceptable levels? And where do you find boats small enuf for them, suppose Princess 385's will have to do!! ;-))

 

[Guest]

Re: Free at point of delivery

Multi-storey marinas! Could be the way to go.

 

[Geoffs]

Hmmm..Well Thought out!.. NM

.

 

[c_j]

what about a flag? Sorry bargee?

During the changeover period will it be possible to have some sort of identification on board to show boats which have been inducted into the scheme. Perhaps a mulllti million pound design portfolio could be commisioned? I will start putting some ideas together now.

CJ
chris@stone.uk.com

 

[Gludy]

Re: Waiting on the straps

On second thoughts, I think my statement "on no account can such doctors be put in charge of ant-fouling" is wrong, the spin doctors could be put in charge of this problem.
My calculations show that, given the number of these creatures in the UK alone, the problem, which has not been noticed very much until now, must be significant. The spin doctors could be employed burying this bad news with great effect ... or then again, maybe thay have been already doing this job with great effect!


Paul