Sorry!

[iangrant]

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to Portsmouth docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "He's taking me to America, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is, madam," said the Captain. "This is the Isle of Wight Ferry."

 

[sailbadthesinner]

ian go to your room

This isn't an office, its hell with strip lighting

 

[Magic_Sailor]

Like it! nm

.

 

[Forbsie]

Excellent. What about ...

Alex Ferguson calls Beckham into his office.

'David', he says, 'I need to talk to you about your
performance against Leeds the other night, you were
blo*dy hopeless, completely off form.'

'Sorry boss', says David. 'I've not been myself
lately. I've got a few problems at home.'

'Oh dear' says Fergie, 'Whats up? posh & the kids Ok?'

'Oh, there fine, it's just that something is really
bugging me and I'm losing sleep and everything. I can't
concentrate on my football and it's really messing me head up.'

'Whatever's the matter?' says Fergie

'Well boss, It's pretty serious. Victoria bought this
jigsaw puzzle the other day and.........'

'A JIGSAW??' shouts Sir Alex. 'You're playing Sh*t
because if a jigsaw?'

'Yeah boss, but you don't understand, it's really
doing me head in!' says David, 'It's really hard, it's this picture of a
>Tiger and it looks really easy on the box and I'm sure I've got all the
bits and everything but I just can't get it right and it's doing my head
in and, and........

'David, David, David' says Fergie, 'You better get a grip son and quick.'

'Ok boss, but.............It's this picture of a Tiger
and it looks really easy on the box and I'm sure I've got all
the bits and everything but I can't do it and it's doing my head in

and.......and....it's a Tiger and it looks easy but it's really hard and er,
it's a Tiger and everything, er... on the box...er.....sorry boss.'

'Ok, Ok' says Sir Alex, 'bring in the blo*dy jigsaw
and let's have a look shall we. It can't be that difficult'.

'Thanks boss.' says David.

So Becks brings in the jigsaw and takes it to Fergies
office.

'Here it is boss' he says, showing Ferguson the
picture on the box, look boss, it's a Tiger right, and it's a really
good picture and everything but I just can't do it and it's really hard
and its doing my head in and everything..'

Becks empties all the pieces from the box all over
Fergies desk.

Sir Alex looks at what's on the desk, looks up with
his head in his hands and says to Beckham...........





(Trust me, it's worth it)













'Put the f***ing Frosties back in the box David'.............

<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.seafin.co.uk>Tender to...</A>

 

[sailbadthesinner]

Re: One for pauline

Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.



This isn't an office, its hell with strip lighting

 

[Magic_Sailor]

Er

Harry Redknap's the manager of Portsmouth.

Where is Pauline these days anyway? I've seen her lurking a bit.

 

[bigmart]

Whats the difference between a Harley Davidson & a Hoover?








Keep Going











The position of the Dirtbag

 

[iangrant]

Oh and...

Confucious he say:

He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.


Once again - so solly

 

[sailbadthesinner]

Re: Er

i realised that after i had posted it
old joke

pauline is about

This isn't an office, its hell with strip lighting

 

[nicho]

Re: Excellent. What about ...

Sir Alex and Man. U were facing a really tough match against a top Italian Team. Impressed with the recent performance of Arsenal, he called up Arsene Wenger, who agreed to see Sir Alex in his office at Highbury.

Sir Alex caught a train the next morning, and having had coffee with Arsene, got to the nitty gritty, "I'm really impressed with your lads at present Arsene" he said "are you prepared to help me out with a few tips""

"Of course Alex" he said, you see it's all down to my players mental agility as well as there physical ability - like you Alex, we have great players, but I keep them alert mentally as well - here, I'll show you" He calls Patrick Viera in to the office and says to him "Patrick, answer me this question - he's not your bother, but he's your Father's son, who is he??" "That's easy boss" says Patrick, "it's me!" - "Well done Patrick" says Arsene, "now get back to training"

"You see Alex, it's all to do with mental exercises as well". Alex thanks him and heads back to Manchester. Next day the Team are on the practice field, and Alex calls David Beckham across. "David, I have a question for you to answer - he's not your bother but he's your Fathers son, who is he??"

"Bloody Hell Boss", says David "I haven't a clue - mind if I ask Posh tonight?" "OK David, but I want your answer first thing tomorrow". David and Posh discuss it over dinner, and neither have a clue, so Victoria suggests that as it's obviuosly some kind of Continental training question, he should ask his foreign team mate Juan Sebastion Veron. David calls him up. "That's easy David" said Juan, "it is of course me....."

Next morning, Sir Alex calls David over and asks him the question "I have the answer Boss", said David "It's.........Juan Sebastion Veron!"

"No no you bloody idiot" says Sir Alex, its..............


..........Patrick Viera!!"

 

[claymore]

Matthew Kelly says...

So who are you going to be tonight Ian?


"Well Matthew - tonight I'm going to be GLEN MILLER"


And he went out and they never saw him again.

regards
Claymore

 

[airbubble]

Re: you better be Sorry!

this one was posted on one of the boards here already less than two moths ago!
so please, come up with some new ones plse.

 

[claymore]

Two moths ago

my how time flutters bye

regards
Claymore

 

[oldharry]

Re: Oh dear......

You can tell winters here again....