Panic attack on boat. Love sailing.

[prv]

If you enjoy being out on boats, but not being skipper, why not ask your wife if she will take on that role ?

+1 to that.
I've thought my wife and kids enough to get the boat back home if anything happens to me, boat might not enjoy the trip but they'd get there.
I've also put instructions on how to call a mayday next to the VHF.

That's all good of course, but it's not the same thing as what SandyDog is suggesting.

You're saying "give the wife some basic skills in case you as skipper are incapacitated".
SandyDog is saying "make the 'relaxed and confident' wife the skipper and adopt the less-stressful role of crew for yourself".

If the personalities involved allow for that combination then it seems like a good idea.

Pete

 

[SeaFlea]

I had a similar thing with driving on motorways for a period. Was just a phase and it passed many happy driving years ago. Probably just a phase ?

 

[scotty123]

I have always wanted a boat and finally bought one. That was too small for my needs so we (me and wife) bought a 23 foot boat that is 4 berth. Love it. Old perkins engine and good on fuel. I little home away from home. We want to use her for sea fishing trips a couple of miles into the Bristol Channel. My wife has to 'make it ours' first. Fine by me. Moored in Penarth Merina.

I have done the PB2 costal and enjoyed it. Iv been on boats and enjoyed it. Now I find I have panic attacks every time we go out. Iv not even had the courage to lock out of Cardiff Bay into the estuary.

I suffer mild asthma and fear 2 things. Sinking the boat and injuring someone I care about or another water user.

Having an asthma attack at sea and having no way to get help.

I am a very nervous person generally, but I'll be dammed if my anxiety is going to rob me of the things I love. My wife is understanding but has no such affliction herself. The kids also enjoy it and are relaxed and confident on the water. I am always a hair away from a breakdown... Or that's what it feels like.

So unfair and I'm at a loss on what to do about it besides either shut up and put up, sell the boat or take some medicine that I just don't want. Being sedated to enjoy a family day out is not normal.

Sailing is supposed to be relaxing.
Well, it certainly takes your mind away from other concerns, so don't give up.
Just remember Mao, one step at a time.
If its just anxiety, not lack of competance, you should cope if you relax, you don't do it to prove anything to others, they make cock-ups too.

 

[Montemar]

Preparation, preparation and preparation.

 

[LittleSister]

Some good advice above. I would definitely encourage going out a few times with a chum* and/or an instructor, rather than family, as others have suggested.

Even though I'm quite experienced, and reasonably confident about tides, navigation, anchoring etc., I am always anxious the first trip of the season, or in a boat that's new to me.

I'm then very aware of all the mechanical, etc. things that could go wrong (even if they probably won't), all the numerous bits of the sorts of old boats I sail that are less than ideal or a somewhat worn, etc., and the fact that my skills and senses are rusty, too. (If I had family with me that would be an additional stress - both worrying about harming them, and needing to appear confident and reassuring even when I'm not.)

I find it wears off after a while. I get used to the boat doing its thing nicely, the engine chugging along etc. I soon come to expect it, and the anxiety recedes.

Even though you know things can go wrong/breakdown, in practice they generally don't, and so as long as you've thought about what the obvious vulnerabilities are, and have a 'Plan B' in case they do arise.

Those 'Plan Bs' are various, such as fixes, communication and anticipation. Fixes like spare filters and belts for the engine (and knowing how to replace them and, for a diesel, how to bleed the fuel lines). Communication like VHF radio; and having let someone know where you're intending to go and when expecting to be back. Anticipation like not going close to a cliff or other danger that's downwind or downtide of you, so if engine dies suddenly you've got a chance to drop an anchor, get fenders out or whatever before you hit it; making sure you've got more than enough fuel; torches, warm and water-proof clothes, blankets and snacks, even if you didn't intend to be out for long or after dark, etc.; a paper chart that extends further than your intended passage, in case you end up somewhere else and/or your plotter or other electronic kit plays up.

You can't cover every conceivable eventuality, so don't let that preparation become an anxiety in itself, but you can cover all the likely ones quite easily, and that should give you some peace of mind. I think there's an RNLI checklist for this sort of thing, and probably similar from the RYA and others.

Hope you get it sorted soon. Spring is coming, then summer. Happy sailing!

*If you don't have a sailing chum, perhaps advertise on here in the Crewing Opportunities section.