oldsaltoz
New member
PLEASE OBSERVE FOLLOWING:
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all
your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.
VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year.
The vacation days are as follows: January 1 & December 25.
RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we
will follow the practice of going in alphabetical Order. For instance, all
employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees
whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're
unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the
next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may
swap their time with a co-worker.
Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they
can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for
lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a
diet pill.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive
employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week.
Management
<hr width=100% size=1> Old Salt Oz /forums/images/icons/cool.gif Growing old is unavoidable. However, growing up is still optional.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are
able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all
your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.
VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year.
The vacation days are as follows: January 1 & December 25.
RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we
will follow the practice of going in alphabetical Order. For instance, all
employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees
whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're
unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the
next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may
swap their time with a co-worker.
Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will
retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.
After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they
can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for
lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a
diet pill.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive
employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week.
Management
<hr width=100% size=1> Old Salt Oz /forums/images/icons/cool.gif Growing old is unavoidable. However, growing up is still optional.
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