Letter to IT Helpdesk (totally NB)

BlueSkyNick

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Dear IT Support,

Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2
which I'd used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with
several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2 and Playboy 6.1. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better.

A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2.1 which I tried had many bugs
and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

Sensing a way out, I then upgraded to Fiancée 1.0 only to discover that
this product soon had to be upgraded (at great cost) to Wife 1.0, which I reluctantly agreed to because, whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with Free_S=ex Plus and Cleanhouse 2000.

Shortly after this upgrade however, I then discovered that Wife 1.0 can be
very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgot about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-mail p_o_rn filter, and can,without warning, launch Photostrop and Whingezip!

These latter products have no help files and I have to try and guess what
the problem is myself.

Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating
regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and also Hairstyle Express, which needs to be reinstalled every other week.

Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my
resources. It also conflicted with some of the new games I wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation. When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT programme it often crashes or runs the system dry.

Wife1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law,
which can't be turned off.

Recently I've attempted to try Mistress 2000, but there could be
problems.A friend has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2000 it tends to delete all my MS Money files before un-installing itself.

What should I do?

<hr width=100% size=1>Tide and time wait for no man.
 

jhr

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Can't help you, but I have heard that indiscriminate use of some versions of the “Free_S=ex Plus” utility (though not, strangely, release 6.9) appears to launch a “Trojan Horse” Virus called “Children 2.4”. In the brief space available to me, I cannot go into all the details of this destructive virus, but its various side effects include disablement of “Free_S=ex Plus”, severe corruption of “MS Money” files and the launch of a further programme entitled “Nosleep 24.7”, which appears harmless at first, but which has a cumulatively damaging effect on your operating system. “Cleanhouse 2000” also becomes very unstable unless supported by a housekeeping maintenance agreement, or a web - based application such as “Get Nanny”.

After some years of running “Children 2.4”, you will also find that your PC may try to launch “Schoolfees Millennium” and, subsequently, a beat ’em up rally game called “Dadscar challenge 2005”, whilst simultaneously closing down all communication applications and importing a blank screensaver of unknown origin.

All in all, it’s probably safer to stick to playing with your abacus.


<hr width=100% size=1>Je suis Marxiste - tendance Groucho
 

Evadne

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There are a number of options, but none are comprehensive or particularly cheap.

You could reformat the system, installing L.Lucan v1.2 or Perrin 2.2, and changing the country code from area 1 or 2 to 106.63. This will stop any resource drain but will not recover the initial system. You will also need a full set of anti virals including yellow fever and Tsetse fly.
Some success has been reported with HitMan 0.1, but it suffers from beta version bugs, particularly in the conscience sub menu and with the blackmail virus.

Most people try and reformat the financial disk into two partitions, DeclaredIncome and RealIncome, but to prevent the widespread virus WifesLawyer 1.0 accessing the RealIncome sector you will need to install some Creative Accouncy software, which is only marginally less expensive in the short term.

If I were you I'd uninstall any mistress programs and try the QuickShag 18.1 or Swedish QuickShag 22.4 which only have a short-term memory and will readily install themselves on any newr hardware it comes across. Watch out for ShaggersDad (boxers version) if the QuickShag version number is less than 16.0, as it can seriously damage your hardware.

Hope this helps

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