I'm going to write this, then duck

[byron]

Re: In defence of masaccio

<font color=blue> I don't his 'Ooops' was referring to the '@' in 'cr@p' anyway its all a bit of skatalogical fun isn't it. (Notice the apostrophes correctly placed)

http://www.alexander-advertising.co.uk

 

[jfm]

ok!

OK, all agreed, but kim does'nt allow you're use of words like scatalogy, you have to say 'sc@t@logy'. No excremental references of any type are allowed, even if its late at night and your sh!tfaced.....drunk that is... at the time. Its the new rules.

This post to has been carefully checked by I for correct grammer and punctuation and spelling, and syntax.

PS, know where I can by some cheap deisel?

 

[Divemaster1]

Correct Spelling...

Eye have a spelling chequer,
It came with my pea sea,
It plainly marques four my revue,
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a quay and type a word,
And weight fore it two say,
Weather eye am wrong oar rite,
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is made,
It nose bee four two long,
And eye can put the error rite,
Its rare lea ever wrong. 

Eye have run this poem threw it,
Eye am shore your pleased two no,
Its letter perfect all the weigh,
My chequer tolled me sew !!!

Alf

 

[jimi]

Is this one allowed?

Glesga vs. Embra

The Scottish Executive Education Committee has determined that different secondary Maths Exam is required for pupils in the two cities.

Below are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN GLASGOW:

NAME __________________________

NICKNAME ____________________

GANG NAME ____________________

1. Shug has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Malkie for 300 quid and 90 grams to Gozy for 90 quid a gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?

2. Elroy McKay pimps 3 brassers. If the price is 40 quid a shag, how many shags per day must each brasser perform to support his 500 quid a day crack habit?

3. Whacker wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 bar, to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need?

4. Christy got 6 years for murder. He also got 350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends 33,100 per year, how much money will be left when he gets out?

Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Christy get for killing the slapper that spent his money?

5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square meters and the average letter is 1 square meter, how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free?

6. Bagga steals Dunky's skateboard. As Bagga skates away at a speed of 35mph, Dunky loads his brother's piece. If it takes Dunky 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Baga have travelled when he gets whacked?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN EDINBURGH:

NAME____________________________________________________


________________________________________________________


________________________________________________________

(If longer, please continue on separate sheet)

DADDY'S COMPANY_______________________________________

1. Julian smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing three people. The old man asks his local MP to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Julian driving now?

2. Chloe's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Chloe doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?

3. Roly fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds?

4. If Savannah throws up four times a day for a week she can fit in a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up three times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce et Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost?

5. Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When does his Sunday Independent column start?

 

[Artemis]

Re: I\'m going to write this, then duck

. And do'nt any....

As an obvious "expert" perhaps you could enlighten us a little; I am unsure which character the apostrophe replaces in the above extract from your post?

As a fully paid-up member of Lurkers Annonymous I think your own and Kim's messages are timely though. There do seem to be more naughty words peppering the messages just lately and it is tiresome to have to re-read threads if the grammar has all but disappeared.

Perfection is something we should all strive for. I'm still striving to mould the perfect husband after 30 years, perhaps one day........

 

[Guest]

Re: I\'m going to write this, then duck

Um.... well, that'll be an almost humorous example of incorrect use of the apostrophe. Along with misspelling "know", "grammar", and various other things. And I never even got to the their/there/they're nightmare that some users seem to have.

 

[Viking]

Re: Look whos talking!

You can talk!!! three, four letter words your Subject heading

 

[kimhollamby]

by? nm

+

kim_hollamby@ipcmedia.com

 

[pheran]

Re: In defence of masaccio

Sorry to be picky but with all this attention to grammer, punctuation and spelling, shouldn't the word be 'skat<font color=red>o</font color=red>logical? C'mon, you really should know, its from the Greek, skor, skatos - dung.
Incidentally, the chemical formula for skatole is C9H9N
Bet you feel better for that /forums/images/icons/smile.gif

 

[Chris771]

Re: In defence of masaccio

Now I know where that horrid term Scat comes from. Think I was happier in my unenlightened state.

 

[paulineb]

Re: In defence of masaccio

I thought scat meant 'go away', as in the shortened form of 'scatter'. Does it have another meaning ?

Pxx

 

[jimi]

Re: In defence of masaccio

Wonder if we could get this thread Kimmerised ... hmmmmm ..

 

[paulineb]

Re: In defence of masaccio

That doesn't answer my question Jimi

Pxx

 

[jfm]

meaning of scatology

Scatology = the scientific study of excrement. Yuk. Scatology is the correct spelling, all others were deliberately misspelled (Pheran take note!)

I've never known it spelt with a k, only a c, but maybe others know better?

 

[jimi]

Scat

Scat (sl) Descriptive term for a female. [prob fm scatterbrained] also wordless jazz song using voice as instrument [prob fm meaningless garbage vocally uttered by aforementioned females]

 

[paulineb]

Re: meaning of scatology

You mean there are people that study poo? That's disgusting !!!

Pxx

 

[paulineb]

Re: Scat

That is total scat !!!! and you know it!

Pxx

 

[pheran]

WRONG

More research on your part would pay dividends. Three quality dictionaries consulted show the 'c' and 'k' as alternative spellings with 'k' as the purer form of the word. I believe 'c' is only normally used when referring to the medical discipline involved in these matters. End of lesson

 

[jimi]

WRONG

... just see what I mean ..

 

[pheran]

Re: Scat

Do you want to apologise to the world for using yet another four-letter word? /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif