Friday morning a sample of our office humour

[stamfordian]

I hope you find this funny!
>
> A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.
> The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
> He starts on this when suddenly a huge fish leaps out and bites him.
> He is not going to let a fish have a go so he beats the offending fish to
> death with a spade.
>
> Realising that his boss is not going to be best pleased, he tries to find
> a way to hide the dead fish.
> He hits on the brilliant idea of giving the fish to the lions as lions
> will eat anything.
> So he throws the fish into the lion's cage.
>
>
> He then moves on to his second job, which is to clear out the monkey
> house.
> He goes in and a couple of chimps starts throwing coconuts at him.
> Un-amused he swipes at the chimps with his spade, killing them instantly.
> He's really worried now, so what does he do?
> He feeds the chimps to the lions, because lions eat anything.
> He hurls them into the lion's cage.
>
>
> Anyway, he moves on to his last job, which is to collect honey from South
> American bees.
> He starts on this and quickly gets attacked by the bees.
> Alarmed, he grabs his spade and smashes the bees as hard as he can,
> squashing them to death.
> By this point he is not too worried about the death of bees as he knows
> what to do by now.
> He throws them into the lion's cage, because lions eat anything.
>
>
> Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.
> It wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like in here?".
>
> The other lion says: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish, Chimps and
> Mushy Bees"
>

 

[sailbadthesinner]

*silence*
In the distance a dog barks and bell tolls ;-)

If it Cooks Flys or Floats, Rent it.

 

[sailbadthesinner]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.

If it Cooks Flys or Floats, Rent it.

 

[milltech]

I was told this by some Swedes in the back of 747 years ago:

What's the similarity between Swedish beer and making love in a Canoe?

Answer, "They're both fokking close to Water"

John

NB "Fokking", Swedish sailing making term.

 

[sailbadthesinner]

Yep, nice one.
we used to nickname the old man's tea Lighthouse tea cos it was damn near water

If it Cooks Flys or Floats, Rent it.

 

[Geoffs]

Fokker also a German plane, apparently Chris Tarrent was interviwing a WWII Spitfire pilot once. The pilot was describing how he was returning from a sortie over France.

' I was flying towards Dover when I saw this fokker flying south. A quick burst from my guns and he was in the drink'.

Chris quickly interrupts and says, 'At this point I should say that a Fokker is a make of German aircraft'.

The Spitfire pitlot returns and says, 'Tha's right, but this fokker was an Me109!'.

Old Chinese proverb 'Man who sail boat into rice field, soon get into paddy'

 

[trib]

Funny but true ...

Being English and living in Holland I've discovered that a few Dutch nautical terms have crept into my vocabulary.

I probably would never have realised if it weren't for the day when I shouted below to my non-sailing wife ... "Get the fok out through the forehatch and come down here to steer" ... to which she replied, extremely angrily "Why can't I just climb up the stairs like I normally do?" and then sulked for hours.

I still think that she doesn't really believe that Fok is the Dutch word for Jib.

 

[Jeremy_W]

The late Alan Clark told the same joke about Douglas Bader giving a lecture at Roedean!

 

[BarryD]

Bet you\'re a saily type...

No sense of humour - always running down others jokes - "Oh I heard that one years ago". So tireseome.

Go left, YOUR OTHER left for pete's sake
(IMHO, BTW, FWIW and NWGOI)

 

[mtb]

Re: raggies should get a pass before posting. nm

..

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/boats
I want a big steel ex trawler / tug v / cheap or swap for tug

 

[Guest]

oooh, bit prickly today, Barry?

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