Egg oiler

[Johnjo]

Just seen this in the local rag!
One of daftest and most dangerous jobs in Cornwall is up for grabs,
Looe town council wants someone to take on the local seagull population!
The post advertised is for a " Egg Oiler".
Successful applicant needs nerves of steel and a strong stomach.
The job entails climbing up to the nest and coating the eggs with liquid
paraffin before replacing them back in the nest,
Trouble is the gulls are'nt to keen on the idea and get quite aggressive.
Dive bombing is the norm if this fails they vomit a oily substance over you,
Apparently it also reeks. along with the other bombs which they are noted for!

Successful applicants will should have their own ladders and their own insurance
to protect themselves,
The point of this is to control the local gull population.

Not bloody likely!!!!!!!!!

mike

 

[BrendanS]

I have the scars to prove how dangerous the buggers can be!

Centuries ago, while at University, we went off to a small island in the Bristol Channel to study and count the vermin.

They dive bombed us continually. Hard hats were compulsory, as they usually targetted heads from behind.

Still hate the things, until I see them gracefully soaring off cliffs, when I remember reading Jonathon Livingston Seagull, and forgive them for being vindictive aggressive phuckers

 

[ChrisP]

Shotgun has always proved to be an efective method of population control.

What do you mean the sea gull in front's walking !!!

 

[Deleted User YDKXO]

Er, how exactly does oiling the eggs control the population then? Why dont they just destroy the eggs or will the local vegatarianista riot in the streets if they do that?

 

[hlb]

Well. I guess that if the eggs are distroyed. The saegull will just say. Oh hecky thump and go and build a new nest and lay more eggs. But if the eggs are still there, but now infertile. The seagull will sit there all summer waiting for something to happen.

<font color=blue> Haydn

 

[BarryH]

So, what your saying is, if I oil up the other half it'll make her infertile.........where'd I put that oil can..........

 

[sailbadthesinner]

even as chicks they will vomit on you if you go near them
nasty bleeders
the ones at whitby attack people for their fish and chips
i was almost mugged by some byh on outside the magpie chip shop ithink it was called. i swear it they had the look about them, It would not have surprised me if they had taken to carrying flick knives and started robbing old ladies homes by pretending to be the gas man.
i think they have been taught by those bloody barbary apes on the rock.

Ok brain let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

 

[ccscott49]

Why not just buy a belt fed shotgun and obliterate the bastards!! I shot a few in Dartmouth, they never came near my boat again! Hung the bodies from my boom for a while. Funnily enough everybody knew I'd shot them, but nobody complained?

 

[Johnjo]

Apparantly it makes the eggs infertile,
they sit on them until they are totally pissed off! This supposedly puts
them off laying again.
When I was fishing for a living many years ago, During the winter we would
longline for Spurdog, As we shot the gear away the gulls would dive on the baited hooks for a free meal, many dived and many died!!!!!!

 

[sailbadthesinner]

oh yeah really colin noone complained

conversation

1. y'know that mad man on that big boat out there?
2. what the big bloke with the beard ?who smells of scotch
1. yeh that's the one, well he's only gone and hung 2 seagulls that he shot from his bloody boom.
2 really?
1 yes. i think someone should complain
2. me too
1. i think it should be you
2. Feck off! that blokes a fecking nutter AND he's got a gun.
1. actually yeh you're right.

Ok brain let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

 

[jhr]

Alka Seltzer

...supposedly, being alkaline, reacts ferociously with the acids in their stomachs and makes them explode. Or so I was once told by an ex-RN type.

Probably rubbish but a nice story; please don't try it at home.

Shotguns are not recommended. There was a famous documentary on the telly a few years ago, called "The Fishing Party", about a group of chinless wonders who went out on a fishing trip and spent their time getting drunk, spouting reactionary cr@p and generally hanging themselves with the rope liberally supplied by the programme makers.

One of the party started loosing off at seagulls with a shotgun and was later prosecuted and fined. However, as he was a futures broker or some such, the fine probably didn't plunge him into bankruptcy.

 

[sailbadthesinner]

Re: Alka Seltzer

that is correct technically you can cause them to explode altho i cannot remember how much it takes and how you get them to eat it.

i remember the fishing party
they were after the cod record or something. got bored and pissed and just started taking pot shots at gulls.
similar to that time lofty smallhouse or somesuch name ex sas bloke took some people on a survival course on a scottish island and theyn killed a seal to eat.

Ok brain let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

 

[salamicollie]

Re: Alka Seltzer

Version I heard was calcium carbide hidden in lumps of bread which the seagulls gulped whole, vast qty of acetylene produced.... ka boom

 

[jhr]

Seal meat again....

...don't know where; don't know when....


What's a baby seal's favourite drink?

...Canadian Club on the rocks!



Back to work, James.

 

[ccscott49]

I didn't have a beard in those days.

 

[ccscott49]

Re: Alka Seltzer

Works a treat, used to throw them up in the air off the deck of supply boats, kaboom feathers every where, calcium carbide in bread works aswell, we use it on the rig, when bored, which is most of the time! Flying bloody rats anyway!