Christmas Story

[hlb]

"Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.


Miserable litttle brats, ungrateful litttle jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works !

I've busted my ass for damn near a year.
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of you yo yo's--No request for them! ,
They want computers and robots..they think--I'm IBM !

Flying throught the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimney's and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I"ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year, now you know the reason,


I found me a blonde.

I'm going SOUTH for the season!


<hr width=100% size=1> <font color=blue>No one can force me to come here.<font color=red> I'm a volunteer!!.<font color=blue>

Haydn

 

[kindredspirit]

American!!!

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.begleys.com/kevin/weather.htm>Useful links for when cruising in Irish waters.</A>

 

[hlb]

I know, I know!..../forums/images/icons/laugh.gif

<hr width=100% size=1> <font color=blue>No one can force me to come here.<font color=red> I'm a volunteer!!.<font color=blue>

Haydn

 

[Forbsie]

But beware Santa for easy it's not
there's mobos and raggies and odd stinkpot
they're all out to get you and highjack your sleigh
just so they can nick your Xmas burgeigh

The route you take will have to be clever
Bottom scrubbed, push down the lever
So get Dirty Harry away from the manger
The road to the south is full of danger.

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.arweb.co.uk/argallery/forbsie?&page=1>My Project</A>

 

[Dave1258]

At xmas time when we were kids, we were bloody poor
and santa weren't to generous, when he knocked on our door
But we made do by saving up,yes every little bit.
"We may be poor" said dear old dad "but I don't give a shit!"

Our xmas tree stood tall and proud,and rigid as a totem
with xmas baubles hanging there like testies in ya scrotum!
Everyone loved xmas dinner, no if's no and's or but's...
and all us kids would piss ourselves when Grandad dropped his guts! /forums/images/icons/wink.gif

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[hlb]

Harry’s taken up flying lessons
Since that Rudolf got the clap
He’s gone on a diet and had some sessions
To save the kids from all the crap
Now he’s got to lead the procession
Of reindeer elves and Santa’s sack.


<hr width=100% size=1> <font color=blue>No one can force me to come here.<font color=red> I'm a volunteer!!.<font color=blue>

Haydn

 

[jhr]

Eat your heart out, Andrew Motion

‘Twas Christmas on the Forum
It came but once a year
And Happy 1 was down the shops
Buying lots of gear.

A-browsing in the swindlery
He bumped into a moke,
Accompanied by Haydn;
A bluff, no-nonsense bloke.

Cried Happy 1, ”Dear Haydn,
What is your Christmas fancy?
Is it for a spellcheck,
Or some such necromancy”?

Quoth Haydn “Not at all, m’boy,
Nor do I want a Hoover.
What I really, really want
Is a Patent Boat Remover.

A secret potion for my craft,
I’m sure I’ve seen a mixture
Comprised of powerful chemicals
- A magical elixir”.

But as they browsed the groaning shelves
A stranger spotted them:
Bestrewn with tools and Pela Pumps,
And known as tcm.

He cried “Begone, you browsing fools
You’ll overfill your boat.
You’ll go above the Plimsoll line,
And toasters cannot float”!

And so our shoppers left the store,
Without a gift from Santa
While tcm remained behind
A-thinking of his Panther*. *(well – some flippin’ cat or other)

And while his mind was occupied,
With boaty common sense,
His errant feet led him astray
And landed in the Gents.

A lesson to us all, I feel
As Christmas hoves in view
Don’t go down the Swindlery –
You’ll end up in the poo.


<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[paulineb]

Am I allowed to post the words of Kevin Bloody Wilson's "Oi ! Santa! Where's me effing bike " ?

<hr width=100% size=1>Pxx

<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.paulinebeddoes.co.uk/php-cgi/gallery2>Perils of Pauline in Pics</A>