Blonde joke

[ArthurWood]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The
blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed...


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"let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."


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[nordic_ranger]

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a
barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells
to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately
falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you
tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are
blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight
lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister - do you still wanna tell that
joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and
declares:

"Nah...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."




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[powerskipper]

Re: Dating vs. Marriage

When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue.
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.
When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?"
When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public.
When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public.
When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad.
When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot.
When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married ....You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy????"
When you are dating..... You enjoyed foreplay.
When you are married ....You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???"
When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you for no reason.
When you are married ....He grabs your boob any chance he gets.
When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old together.
When you are married ....You wonder who will die first.
When you are dating..... Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy."
When you are married ....When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.
When you are dating..... He knows what the "hamper" is.
When you are married ....The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area.
When you are dating..... He understands if you "Aren't in the mood."
When you are married ....He says "It's your job."
When you are dating..... He understands that you have "male" friends.
When you are married ....He thinks they are all out to steal you away.
When you are dating..... He likes to "discuss" things.
When you are married ....He develops a "blank" stare.
When you are dating..... He calls you by name.
When you are married ....He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to others as "She."


<hr width=100% size=1>Julie ,

 

[Alistairr]

Re: Dating vs. Marriage

Life with a Woman is like a pack of Cards,
You need a HEART to love her,
A DIAMOND to marry her,
A CLUB to smash her head in,
And a Spade to bury her with..



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[Happy1]

You just messed up my breakfast game, I have been trying to do that puzzle for the last three days, and now I know it is impossible /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=purple> "You only see what you recognise, and you only recognise what you know" <font color=purple>

 

[powerskipper]

Have you tried the CO CO POPOS one, the bowl is easy but I can not do the faces bit!!!!!

<hr width=100% size=1>Julie ,

 

[Solitaire]

Re: Dating vs. Marriage

That's a fine thing to say about Kirsty!/forums/images/icons/wink.gif

<hr width=100% size=1>Boating is <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.powerboat-training.co.uk>Serious</A> Fun

 

[Alistairr]

Re: Dating vs. Marriage

I would never say that about my wife. She is the wxcemption to the Rule.

And is truely wonderful/forums/images/icons/cool.gif
.

.
.
.
.
.
Thanks for the tea darling......./forums/images/icons/laugh.gif



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[TonyGerrard]

Re: A Fishy One...

On a tour in South Africa, the Pope took a few days off to visit the
coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the
Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore.
A helpless man, wearing a South Africa rugby jersey, was struggling
frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25 foot shark. As the
Pope watched in horror, a speedboat pulled up with three men wearing
England rugby jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's
side while the other two reached out and pulled the blue semiconscious
South Africa fan from the water..
Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it
into the boat.
Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to him. "I give you my
blessing for your brave actions. I heard that there were some bitter
hatred between South African and English rugby fans, but now I have seen
with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, "who was that?"
"It was the Pope" one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has
access to all of God's wisdom."
"Well" the harpooner said, "he may have access to God and his wisdom,
but knows bu**er all about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up OK or
do we need to get another one?"

<hr width=100% size=1>TonyG

 

[powerskipper]

Re: A Fishy One...

Whats another name for a push-up bra?
False advertisement. /forums/images/icons/smile.gif



Top 15: Why Hockey is Better than Sex

1. It's legal to earn money playing hockey
2. Many people play hockey even after they're married
3. The puck's always hard
4. The protective equipment is reusable
5. It lasts at least an hour
6. A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon
7. You always know how big the stick is
8. You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding
9. You can change players on the fly
10. You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up
11. Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds
12. Your parents cheer when you score
13. Periods last only 20 minutes
14. You're sure to get it at least twice a week
15. You can tell your friends about it afterwards


<hr width=100% size=1>Julie ,