Alternative Error Messages (non boaty)

Evadne

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27 Feb 2003
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Hampshire, UK
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I can tell it's a friday and home-time is imminent. I was clearing out some ancient emails when I came across this one. It doesn't look like anyone posted it here recently but apologies if you've seenit before. I especially empathise with the Blue Screen of Death, a Windows 95 speciality.

"In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft
error messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haiku poetry has strict
construction rules - each poem has only 17 syllables; 5 syllables in
the first line, 7 in the second, 5 in the third. They are used to
communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning
and powerful insight through extreme brevity."

Here are 16 actual error messages from Japan.

The Web site you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.



Program aborting:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.




Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.



Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.


Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.


Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.




A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.



Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.



You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.




Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.



Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.




Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.


Have a nice weekend, even if you're not sailing.



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BrendanS

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Joined
11 Jun 2002
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Tesla in Space
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reminded me of this wonderful cat haiku. Only families who've owned cats will get this, but if you have you'll be creased up with the accuracy of it

Negotiating
No-man's land: carpet alive,
Flea season again

I need a new toy.
tail of black dog keeps good time.
pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today
Touch my tail, I shred your hand
New rule tomorrow

In deep sleep hear sound
cat vomit hairball somewhere
will find in morning

Cat, fearless hunter
leaves 'presents' for me near door
next time I'll wear shoes

Grace personified,
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Night. Now come night-mice.
I chase them 'round on loud feet.
You can't see them too?

Blur of motion, then --
silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds --
Your foot just squashed one

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
elevator butt.

You're always typing.
Well, let's see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a 'term paper'?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don't leave tarp around

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws?
Don't even think about it!
My yelps will wake dead.

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, sh!t! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren't that sharp ...

Cats meow out of angst
"Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!"

Litter box not here
You must have moved it again
I'll crap in the sink.

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for "Cup Hockey"

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?

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mikewilkes

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Joined
28 Jul 2001
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North Moray Coast.
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I read in a comp mag a few months ago that you could change the colour to any one you wanted. Did not do you any dam good if you got it but perhaps blue is not your favourite colour.

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