(Air) Pilot Wisdom

[EME]

Pilot Wisdom
>
>Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.
>
>If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.
>
>Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.
>
>When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
>
>Without ammunition the RAF would be just another expensive flying club.
>
>What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
>
>Never trade luck for skill.
>
>The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and " Oh Shit!"
>
>Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
>
>Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
>
>Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
>
>A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.
>
>I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.
>
>Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
>
>Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries.
>
>Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding it or doing anything about it.
>
>When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
>
>Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.
>
>Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II. When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.
>
>The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.
> (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)
>
>A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum.
> (Jon McBride, astronaut)
>
>If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.
> (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
>
>If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the bastard down.
> (Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)
>
>Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing. (sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena, Japan).
>
>You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
> (Paul F. Crickmore - test pilot)
>
>Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.
>
>There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).
>
>The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time.
> (Author unknown, but someone who's been there)
>
>"Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV." (A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an A-320).
>
>If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.
>
>Basic Flying Rules
>1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
>2. Do not go near the edges of it.
>3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.
>
>You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.
>
>

...I wanna boat please..

 

[oldgit]

When I commented to a a member of a flight crew that his arrivals were how shall we put it "a little firm''.He claimed that as a naval airman he was taught that when you arrived you arrived .Circumstances did not allow any second go.

Just hold tight dear it will not be so rough when we get round the corner,trust me.

 

[mustard]

And from the Antipodes:

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the
stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick
all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up
there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the
pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start
sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with
the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great landing
is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make
all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to
taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of
arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice
versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five
minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about
might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable
sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number
of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing.
Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The
trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and
round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger
compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds
of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has
yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience
usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much
as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not
subject to repeal.

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you,
runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.

 

[oldgit]

fourth useless thing. fuel left in the bowser.
You keep flying via Bernellis ? discovery not marconis.

Just hold tight dear it will not be so rough when we get round the corner,trust me.

 

[BarryD]

You can never have too much fuel, except for when you're crasing, and there is nothing as so useless as runway behind you.

The aircraft flies by Bernolui principles and not Marconis.

And of course the old favourite...

If you hear me say "Eject, Eject" then I mean get out now, if you hear a 3rd "Eject" then you can assume that I have a very long mike lead.



So you unscrew this, and put it safely here, then oopps...
All - IMHO, BTW, FWIW and NWGOI

 

[oldgit]

sky divers.
It has always been beyond my comprehension why anyone would wish to jump out of a perfectly servicable aeroplane..............

Just hold tight dear it will not be so rough when we get round the corner,trust me.