Women Drivers..........

[Guest]

Right then, who lets their wife drive their boat?

We've seen the brochures, stunning blonds at the helm wearing nothing but a few bits of string!

It's a nice idea isn't it. Get her at the wheel whilst you sit back with a nice big beer.

Reality as usual isn't quite the same. Last year I got her to take the wheel whilst I went below for a quick pee. Keep to the right of those red buoys I said. Problem was she spotted a red buoy on a completely different channel and headed for that one! Result, within two minutes we ran aground and managed to wreck two pairs of duoprops. At £1000 it was the most expensive pee i've ever had!

 

[Guest]

I think your asking for trouble......

 

[Guest]

Do what I do Never take the guvnor wiff me
Have a pee bottle beside the helm

 

[Guest]

Well, a few years ago, my wife *did* actually train to be a private pilot, since we live not far from Biggin Hill. I'm sure she'd be fine with boat, but....

So that she couldn't cop out, I paid for all the flying lessons up front. Then I spent six months of saturday mornings mowing the lawn whilst cringing. The great day arrived, and fully wired for sound I admit to swearing under my breath and trying to hide under the dashboard.

But later, it was jolly fun, specially as we flew to le Touquet and other places where she had the priviledge of watching me drink a bottle of wine or two while she wasn't allowed to touch a drop.

She never quite got the "feel" of the plane tho: a buzzer would go off during take off and I'd say what;s that? Dunno. Turns out the flaps are out, which they shouldn't be, and the buzzer is the stall warning. And then she flew a "twitchy" plane across the channel to France ... with the autopilot set to go to Cambridge.

I was never quite convinced of her expertise or knowledge: as we approached airfields, there's be sarky questions from the controllers on the vhf such as "what are your intentions?" and "are you under instruction?" as she overtook others on the circuit and so on.

Once, in an aerodrome restaurant I pointed to two smart pilots eating at a nearby table. One had three stripes on the shoulder of his uniform, whereas the other had FOUR stripes. I asked expert wife - what does that signify? Well, she said, the one with four stripes is more important!

Nowadays, she doesn't drive the boat, nor clean the outside, or doing any grimy stuff in engines, just the food and drinks dept, in which she is expert and I am crap: the other day I found her reading a flippin cookery book - not in the kitchen, just as a book to read... and I can't compete with that.

 

[Guest]

Once left TWO women at once driving a boat on the
Norfolk Broads. They put it in a field.
Cos they were looking at the map at the time!!

 

[Guest]

My cleaning lady is quite a good driver and can be safely left in charge of the helm unless its windy (anything over force 1), raining, there are other boats within a 2 mile radius, going faster than 7 knots, exiting a berth and most especially, entering a berth. One of her preoccupations is that I have a heart attack or similar when only the two of us are aboard and her plan is to helm the boat to with a mile or so of the marina and the summon help on the VHF - if only she knew how to operate it!

Nick

 

[Guest]

just to add some fuel to the fire....and get flamed in the process!!!!

I belive that our womenfolk would be great in the 'helming the boat department' if only we'd give them a chance to practice....however we just wait until we have a heart attack, fall overboard, loose a limb or have a terminal stroke before they get a chance!!

 

[Guest]

But Mark, who's got enough money to find out if they'll ever get the hang of it?

Being a Solent boater you don't have to worry too much about the heart attack bit. As long as she can stop the boat and wave her arms a bit i reckon someone will come to the rescue.

I did try and explain MOB on the GPS but it wasn't really registering. Hitting CH16 on the VHF may be possible. However it would rely on her switching it on and pressing the talk button.

 

[Guest]

Re: Women Drivers..........Are the Best!

Ok I feel that I have left it long enough not to reply to this posting, its time for the defence. I would like to ask all you if you have the following;
-17 years of experience
-over 20 titles to your name as crew
-The top prize on the Thames
-Best lady of 2000
-Best under 18 of 2000
-about to study maritime courses in university
-about to do day skipper
-about to do level 1 & 2 of an RYA training course
-references from well known top boaters
-navigated round Channel Islands, France, Belgium and to Dunkirk
-about to be assistant skipper to France
-in a compeptition was 4 points off beating your Dad of whom you crewed for with the rest of the competitiors at least 20 points behind you
-and finally have the best teacher in the world

If you want to see a woman in action, give me a call!

Oh and Markc, I'm thoroughly ashamed and bet you'll be hearing from Pauline!

 

[Guest]

Oh Suzanne won\'t you marry ..........

Suzanne - just remember when you quote:

1. Napoleon's horse and "experience". It was with him in every battle and the army never once asked it to lead them!!

2. "Best Lady" - Hmmmm - that's the whole point of this thread isn't it? "First back home without letting your mascara run." is hardly something to boast about.

3. "About to do ......" - I too am about to do something. In my case it is walking on water as a much more effective way of travel by sea.

4. References. Oh dear. What man worth his salt could fail to give a good looking girl a reference. Even if he was thrown into the bowels of hell for the lie!

5. "Navigated around France." Now that IS impressive!! You must let us all know how you managed along the Dutch, Belgium and Italian borders.

6. Finally "Do I want to see a woman in action"? My goodness what kind of Forum is this!!!!!!!!!

Thank you so much for making this thread more believable.

Ian D

 

[Guest]

Re: Oh Suzanne won\'t you marry ..........

If your Dad owns a brewery and you've got, now how can I put this... a large chest? Then I'm your man.

 

[Guest]

Talk About Male Chauvinists

Give them a chance! Put a male in charge of a couple of knitting needles and see what a tangle he makes especially if he has a brain the size of a walnut and thinks that only he can point a boat.. ALL of the worst disasters at sea have been with a male at the helm. Besides I thought that a woman on a boat was bad luck... or was that a banana?

 

[Guest]

Re: Women Drivers..........Are the Best!

Next you'll be telling us you've got your own boat!

If only I was ten years young (and single)!

Shame you can't post a piccie.

Anyway good luck and it's nice that you took this in the spirit it was intended.

Pete

 

[Guest]

Re: Women Drivers..........Are the Best!

THATS WHY THE AUTO PILOT WAS INVENTED.
SO ONE AND A HALF HANDED SAILERS COULD WEE IN SAFTEY.
AND THE HALF. KEEP ON KNITTING.