Wife AND Boat - is that possible

[lanason]

I am bout to buy my first boat - hopefully a 20-23 footer. big enough touse but small enough to tow (just). But the question is what do I need to do to get my wife interested ??
We looked at a boat moored in our local marina - she was on board for 4 minutes and said "I felt queesy".
What advice have you lot got. How can I have a boat and remain happily married ??????

 

[Guest]

Firstly tell her she will do as she is told (joke)
No some how get her to meet some other lady who goes sailing and she I am sure will point her in the right direction. My lady wife on our first trip was in tears frightend because we were in a bit of rough water but now 10 years down the line and hundreds of miles of sailing under her belt she is just as keen as me. I hope she comes to like the idea of sailing for I am sure if she backs off she will miss a great deal of pleasure.

 

[Guest]

Tell her the boat would be the ideal place to conduct an affair and then she'll never let you on it alone. On second thoughts thats maybe not the ideal solution.

In my case, I trade one boating holiday a year for one conventional holiday which she is in charge of + she looks after soft furnishings, etc aboard which gives her an interest.

If she's seasick, tell her to eat burnt toast and keep her eye on the horizon + tell her if she has to puke can she be sure of doing it over the side from an upwind position.

There! That should sort out marital problems! I wonder if Relate have jobs going?

Nick

 

[stewart]

Re: Wife AND Boat - is that sensible?

I think the more relevant question is why? You only need to look at any brochure to realise that all boats come with a minimum of two scnatily clad women as standard, and apparently the bigger the boat the more women fitted as standard. I haven't checked but presume that you can order more from the options list if you feel the need.

 

[Guest]

Re: Wife AND Boat - is that sensible?

This is blatantly untrue. I have searched my boat from top to bottom and can find no trace of factory fitted totty. Also, I could not find it on the price list, though I suspect if I make the right noises at the boat show around a big enough boat, some may be forthcoming...

 

[Guest]

A couple of windowboxes and a tablelamp

just place the boxes on the sidedeck and the lamp down below. That should do the trick.

That's right, dear, isn't it.

Er, this forum is men only?

I once saw a whopping great cruiser called 'Yes, dear'

Chris Enstone, Rival Spirit

 

[Chris_d]

Re: How about renting one...

..a boat that is, not a wife.
Pick somewhere nice and sunny and calm like Barbados with lots of sunbathing
potential.

My wife was the same, but I broke her in on the Thames, lots of pubs to cruise between, interesting towns with shops etc. If you invite friends along they suddenly
forget the sea-sickness and enjoy showing off and acting the host, she will mysteriously become a seasoned sailor, rather than admit to hating it!

 

[Guest]

I got my wife interested in the boat.......now I cant get her off !

 

[Guest]

Re: er downwind, surely?

anyway ...Unless you are scottish (in which can you can keelhaul mutinous crew etc) then you have to be English and softly reasonable and fair.

Firstly, the boat need to be Nice and Smart. Not an old trudge. So nice for inviting friends round, showing off a tiny bit, and hostess with mostest. With pos icemaker or just anything on the boat that you don't have at home.

Also name it after wife, if suitable name. This makes them all weepy.

Also, wifeys just say stuff, but they don't mean anything adverse. She just said "I feel queasy" Not "This is awful". So buy the boat and try "But I though you LIKED feeling queasy".

Useful other handy tips
a) charter in med/carib/greece before buying boat in solent. Lots of yotties do this, bit unfair.
b) Go on microscopic voyages eg Hamble marine to Hamble Point Marina. Or Port Solent to Haslar, if you're a bit braver.

 

[Guest]

Re: winds

If suffering from mal de mer the trick is to stand at the side of the boat, in an upwind position, back to the wind, so that "Hughy" launches himself downwind to become part of the food chain in the sea and not part of my cockpit carpet pattern. I always recommend puking from the cockpit as the rails are a bit low on deck and you are liable to follow your lunch into the sea. Alles klar?

If you need any more medical advice, call Pan Pan Medico and I'll get my brother in law to help out (probably quicker than trying to get an appointment with your own doctor nowadays anyway!)

Nick

 

[HOWARD]

bit like sex early in the marriage - easy does it. I have a non-watery wife and found the best way was to start of on something like the Thames (non-tidal) for family motor cruising. I do a bit of sailing as well and invited her out when I was a) sure that it was no more than a force 3, and b) there was somebody aboard who was an acknowledged expert (it's never you, the husband) in whom she had confidence. Later, unfortunately, an early arriving (was forecast but not till later) Force 8 in the North Sea undid a lot of the good work. However my wife now puts up with me provided I don't take her out in anything over Force 4! Good luck!

 

[Guest]

Re: Hugh Ralph Bloor, just to be clear..

(actually a real name that)...

Anyway, these winds. Spose you whizz out of glasgie toward Atlantic, and a northerly is blowing. From the north. Then the starbrd rhside of boat is Upwind and result of blargh that side is carpet overlay, port left hand side wd be downwind, better for fishfeeding. Pls confirm.

Incidentally, at anchor in NE f7-8 in Alderney I did this (at anchor always over the back, please) and seaguls swooped in an gobbled it all up. Urgh.

 

[Guest]

Re: Hugh Ralph Bloor, just to be clear..

I think we are splitting hairs here. Can we just agree that the sea should be downwind of the person so that the diced carrots go in that general direction. In your example, heading West in a Northerly, my mythical person would be clinging onto the port side so that he or she was upwind of where it was intended lunch should go.

Roughly in the same position as a polite person who has to pass wind would stand.

Your example is mythical because if we were heading out into the Atlantic in a stiff Northerly we'd all be too scared to give a toss about someone being sick, unless they were doing it over the liferaft!

And finally, I have often looked at seagulls and thought they had at least as much flesh as a pigeon or even a small chicken so why don't we eat them. Now I know why!

Nick

 

[Guest]

Re: right then!

Right, so if we're being sick then stand on the downwind side of the boat. Sorry, see, your earlier posting seemed to say see that UUUUUUURRRGF oops sorry bout that Nick. There wasn't enuf space over on he other side what with all those polite people on there ;-)

 

[Guest]

Re: brochure totty on boats

We covered this be4 and estblaished that they are all misrepresentations. If you look closely at some of the photos quite a few of the wimmin are sneakily holding on to the handrail around the sunpads, scared witless.

 

[chrisbrown]

Re: Wife AND Boat - is that sensible?

Get plenty of SHOUTING practise in, remember to start every nautical instruction with sharp klick of the fingers, keep the blame for embarrassing cock-ups firmly focused on her and lie extensivly about the real cost of what you are doing. Demand food, tidal predictions and perfect look out performance on a continuious and professional standard from day one and don't bother with a toilet.

 

[BrianJ]

Re: Wife AND Boat - is that sensible?

I don't see that there is a problem...keep boat get rid of wife.
brianj

 

[Guest]

I\'ve been asked nay told by Mrs Enstone...

...to point out that it was she who got me into sailing and that I unreservedly retract the above advice.

Will that do, dear?

Chris Enstone, Rival Spirit

 

[Guest]

Re: Wife AND Boat - is that sensible?

Reminds me of the joke about the newlyweds. He gets up early on their first morning and prepares breaksfast in bed, all lovely, he tidies the house, shops, make lovely lunch, and candleit dinner etc blah. Anyway she is delighted and at the end of the day she says how wonderful wonderful everything has all been. "Yes, and that's how I want it every day from now on - gottit?!!" he replies.

 

[Guest]

Re: Hughy

I'm having the last word here.

Basically the boat is'nt sick (unless its Haydn's), its the person who is sick and, OK, they should stand on the downwind side of the boat but said person is standing in an upwind position relative to the sea he or she is aiming to throw up into. Thus, if the wind is strong enough there may not even be much running down the chin (unless bearded) and certainly none inboard.

Dribbles can be dealt with if, once finished emptying the stomach, the victim is placed on the upwind side of the boat thus exposed to spray and with luck, a bit of driving rain which will wash it off.

Nick