Who takes the helm?

[lustyd]

Seeing a comment on another thread about barking orders at the lady while docking I'm curious who does the boat handling on your boats and who ties up? Predominantly thinking of couples here, of course.

 

[johnalison]

I don’t think that there is any right or wrong about this. Many sailors report that their wives are better at manoeuvring up to a buoy or pontoon, but in my case my wife is reluctant to do so with a larger boat, though she is perfectly capable of doing it. On the other hand, my wife is very good at judging whether we can get into a space, either abeam or lengthwise. I trained my daughter up to mooring our Sadler 29 but she hasn’t been with us enough in our later boat.

 

[Bobc]

I tend to park the boat when we are in a marina (SWMBO is not confident in not crashing it), but when anchoring, she drives the boat while I sort the anchor hardware out.

We have well-practiced techniques, so there isn't much barking going on, but we've just purchased some intercom headsets to allow us to talk to each other from the opposite ends of the boat without having to shout.

 

[Kelpie]

When we started sailing, we mostly fell in to the habit of me doing the jumping around and her doing the helming. I have longer legs so it made sense, and manoeuvring boats was new to both of us.
Fast forward a few years... I have spent the last five years working commercially with boats, our cruising took a bit of a nose dive, and a pretty big gap has opened up between us in experience. We also moved to a much larger boat which is now our home, so there is more at stake.
We did try to keep taking turns with the aim of getting back to the old way of doing things, but in practise I now do almost all of the helming in close quarters. And I have to be pretty good at it because the boat has very high topsides, and my wife's legs haven't got any longer ?.

 

[awol]

Seeing a comment on another thread about barking orders at the lady while docking I'm curious who does the boat handling on your boats and who ties up? Predominantly thinking of couples here, of course.

A bit antedeluvian to think of couples as man and woman. I have reported this thread as antitrans, homophobic orthodoxy.

 

[lustyd]

You should probably block me too, just in case!

 

[Lightwave395]

I do the marina parking, crew does the mooring / anchoring and the high speed helming while I make the tea:

 

[bitbaltic]

The only time I get my hands on the helm of my own boat is when parking it. My wife does almost all the helming as she is happiest there, like others above she also does the driving when anchoring/weighing anchor or picking up a mooring and I do the chain handling (no windlass). She does sometimes park the boat in marinas but only if the winds are not strong. Unless its blowing a hooley I offer her the option every time on locking in and she decides if she wants to park or not. Similarly my only chance of getting the helm at sea is if it is blowing a hooley. So I voted "take in turns" as seems broadly representative.

 

[newtothis]

My other half is far better at keeping a cool head and steady hand, esp when being shouted at by multiple Mediterranean marineros, whom she smiles at sweetly and promptly ignores.
I simply provide the dumb muscle, dealing with recalcitrant anchor chains, slippery lazy lines, moody mooring buoys and dodgy docks.
Thus nautical and matrimonial harmony is maintained.

 

[awol]

You should probably block me too, just in case!

What? And deprive myself of the experience of pleasure and self-satisfaction that comes from learning of or witnessing your troubles, failures, or humiliation. If only the Germans had a word for it?

 

[lustyd]

We'll jot you down as a "sail alone" then awol.

 

[lustyd]

The only time I get my hands on the helm of my own boat is when parking it

I seem to be the opposite. I do all the grunt work and also have to help while we're sailing so she can relax in the sun. We're both happy with the arrangement though as I quite like sailing solo but definitely appreciate the help either end of the trip!

 

[Leighb]

I mostly took the helm for close quarters manoeuvres into marinas locks etc. However she always helmed if we were picking up a mooring or anchoring, especially when picking up a mooring, it just seemed sensible that the one with the longer and stronger arms did the work at the sharp end. She was always brilliant at getting us into just the right spot, if the pickup failed it was always down to me.
When we switched to a twin screw motor boat she was not so keen and we used a system that picked up the buoy alongside the cockpit aft which did not need long arms and I did the business of getting the buoy in the right place. When anchoring though she helmed so that I could handle the anchor and chain.
All now history as we have just sold our boat, transfer tomorrow hopefully. Sad to no longer be boat owners after 45 years or so, but Anno Domini and all that.

 

[Kukri]

None of the above!

I sail with my sons!

The career deck officer likes to take the helm but allowance must be made for his tendency to issue the orders as if addressing the berthing party on a 40,000 tonner, eg “single up forward” means “leave a doubled warp ready to slip”!?

 

[lustyd]

“single up forward” means “leave a doubled warp ready to slip”

Is that not standard language? That's what I was taught on my RYA comp crew and never occured to me it wasn't normal

 

[doug748]

The Rear Admiral (as befits her rank) has never done anything to assist docking the boat or indeed anything else of a marine nature.

She has occasionally been known to ask why we could not: "possibly park nearer the showers"

.

 

[capnsensible]

On our own boat, generally whoever wants to do it.
But there again I've spent the thick end of 25 years stood next to people on all sorts of boats showing them how to put them in all sorts of berths. So I like going back to basics and putting the lines ashore. Especially as Mrs. S is very good at boat driving.

 

[Shaddickp]

I often sail alone, so whenever my wife or kids are on the boat I encourage everyone to do as much as possible and me as little as possible, that way they not only now know how to handle the boat and are confident with many manoeuvres but also feel more engaged with what we are doing. I let them decide where we go (I give a summary of weather etc. and so what is possible), and timings. I firmly believe that empowering people as much as possible increases their confidence, gives you (assuming you are the skipper) a break, and makes for happy cruising.

 

[westhinder]

I tend to park the boat when we are in a marina (SWMBO is not confident in not crashing it), but when anchoring, she drives the boat while I sort the anchor hardware out.

We have well-practiced techniques, so there isn't much barking going on

This is exactly our case as well. We work on the understanding that if she can’t step off without fuss, it means I didn’t manage to bring the boat to the right spot and I have to try again.

 

[steve yates]

If both Jo and I are on the boat she steers and I do lines or deal with anchor.