The worst and funniest ways on how not to anchor!

[Nostrodamus]

I am writing a blog on boat anchoring but I don't want to write the "How to anchor" but "more the how not to anchor".
Every sailor knows that some of the best entertainment you can get is to take a beer on deck in an anchorage and sit there saying to yourself "I wouldn't have done that".
You know if you are the only boat in an anchorage you are going to become the magnet. The bay may be 30 miles across but Monsieur Jean Claude Van Dam is going to anchor on top of your chain meter away. You know that the Italians are going to be diving off the boat even before there 5 meters of anchor chain has hit the bottom. There are going to be couples who are usually the best of friends shouting at each other and hitting each other with winch handles.
Then there are the Brits who will go round in circles all afternoon like a cat on a cushion looking for the one ideal spot, The boat who puts 6 miles of chain out telling everyone you are in his anchor circle. The list goes on and on...
So if you can help by suggesting some of the funnier ways NOT to anchor so I can put them in a blog or list I would appreciate it greatly.
Thank you for any help.

 

[telford_mike]

Don't let out 30 metres of chain, then get distracted and allow the windlass control cable to become caught around the gypsy - destroying it.

Trust me on this one.

 

[Nostrodamus]

Always make sure that when you let out ALL your rode it is actually fixed to the boat.

 

[KellysEye]

American charter boats in the BVI's dropping the anchor until it rests on the bottom and wondering why they are dragging - got many beers going over and sorting that out. Another American charter yacht picking up a buoy in Cooper island, BVI's and then going round in circles as they got the drinks and snacks out. It took them a while to work out they had left the engine on and was very funny to watch.

 

[RupertW]

Recognise the other ones, but my favourite is the Croatian technique, used even by paid skippers. First, go confidently into a good spot to drop the anchor, almost always well chosen. Second forwards slowly until a few boat lengths ahead of the right spot. Third, reverse at full throttle and let the anchor hit the water exactly at the right spot.

Then keep reversing at full speed through the anchorage letting out chain via the windlass until either you leave the anchorage or the boat comes to a juddering halt as the full strain hits the windlass when the anchor digs hard in. Then go swimming regardless of where the boat has ended up or whether you have 5 times the scope of anybody else.

 

[Daedelus]

Don't anchor on weed have the anchor slide over the weed, be swept backwards by the tide towards a smart HR34, have crew no 1 jam the windlass and crew no 2 refuse to engage engine drive as the anchor's not up.

Don't ask, just don't ask.

 

[guernseyman]

Sark - Greve de la Ville - a large boat arrived and, discovering that all the visitor's buoys were occupied, decided to anchor inside, close to the rocks north of the beach.
Dropped anchor, and many fathoms of chain on top. Probably a very neat pile. Job done, he went below.
Twenty minutes later, the rocks were getting too close to his boat. As we rowed ashore he winched all aboard, circled round to same spot and reconstructed the anchor/chain pile.
We didn't stay to watch.

 

[Peroo]

Folks dropping the anchor then reversing at speed - when the anchor digs in everyone gets thrown forward, sometimes resulting in injuries and terse words. Amazing really.

Did once see a high speed reverse when the anchor didn't dig in - the cursing and shouting was something to be seen!

 

[dslittle]

Spend half an hour dropping the anchor four or five times over weed and recovering by hand (in VERY hot weather) before being invited to take a lazy line for €2...

 

[jdc]

I've only done it once, but it was this summer (so after 30+ years of sailing). Anchored perfectly in a small fjord, hoisted the black anchor ball, attached the snubber, dug in the anchor under engine etc. All done in silence and calm, text book style. Only after an hour or so did one of my boys say "Dad, are we going to drop the sails? ...." Funny thing was that the boat actually lay rather quieter than normal. Red face anyway.

 

[johnalison]

The Walton on Naze technique. Anchor within another boat's swinging range and when he sends a teenage girl to point this out say something rude. Then, when the owner arrives, claim priority and say "I always anchor here on Sundays".

 

[Carmel2]

Drop 30 meters of chain and then charge around at full speed till it takes on something, anything will do, my chain your chain or if your lucky it might be a some mud or sand.

 

[andymcp]

In a bay somewhere at the south east end of Ithaka in the Ionian....

Having anchored up for the night, we were watching other boats coming and going between swims. There was some hefty wind forecast overnight so we were keeping an eye on swinging room and options if we dragged (holding wasn't great). In comes a Sunsail Beneteau 45 at full tilt, pulls a handbrake turn with Mrs Charter on the bow, Mr Charter shouts to drop anchor, she slowly lets chain out. He barges up to bow, drops the anchor another 3-4 metres and calls it a day, striding back to the cockpit with windlass control in hand. We were maybe 20 metres away with the hook on the edge of a shelf, having abandoned their chosen spot as too deep for an effective hold. What Mr Charter hadn't seen was that at the point when he took control of the windlass, their anchor had only just disappeared below the water, meaning they had I guess around 5m of chain out in probably 15m of water. Both Mr and Mrs Charter disappeared immediately below and didn't reappear.

Contemplating their likely fate, we tried calling across to them with no response, no answer to VHF either, so I started to inflate the dinghy to row over. As we did, the wind picked up, thankfully offshore, and they drifted off into the bay and onwards across towards the mainland. By the time the dinghy was ready they were more than half a mile away and after a fruitless chase I headed back. We did wonder how long they stayed below before realising that the boat was not quite as secure as they imagined.....

Incidentally the forecast winds arrived in proper style, by the time they had blown through we were one of only two boats left in the bay, and had a fabulous night of clear skies, warm water and shooting stars. Bliss.

 

[pmagowan]

My grandfather was on a cruise on teh west coast of Scotland many moons ago and kept seeing a boat with a lovely polished anchor. My grandmother, who keeps a tight ship, thought this was a bit OTT. They were anchored up in a nice secluded bay when this boat came in and dropped the hook and then proceeded to motor round and round the bay. Eventially they motored past my grandparents and shouted for help. My grandfather rowed over and was told that they had been going non-stop for 3 days because they didn't know how to stop. They dropped the anchor until it just touched the sand but couldn't understand why it wouldn't hold. My grandfather educated them and the couple were very thankful. Apparently he was a scout master and had been supposed to take all the scouts out on a sailing holiday but the parents had all said no. Instead he and his wife went alone and spent 3 days awake and the next 3 asleep.

 

[macd]

Arisiag, and the chap who didn't know the difference between a mooring buoy and a lobster pot marker. Well, not until it dragged.
"Sorry, I'll be back to talk about the damage later", he said as I fended him off.
That was eight years ago and I'm still waiting. (There was actually barely a scratch).

How to confuse Italians: on my last boat I used sometimes to anchor by the stern which gave a better breeze through the boat. This generally worked OK, except when I was first in the anchorage. Other boats would turn up later, assume my bow was to wind (despite all other evidence to the contrary), and anchor accordingly...and then be utterly bemused when they found themselves too close.

 

[Nostrodamus]

On one of our first times Med mooring we dropped the anchor about 4 lengths from the wall and I went back slowly whilst my wife was letting out the chain. About 4 meters away the boat came to a sudden stop.
"What are you doing?" I whispered to my wife in a loving way couples do when anchoring.
"I thought I had let enough out so I stopped".
mmmmmmmm

 

[MASH]

Vlihadia, Kalymnos has poor holding on rounded boulders. I'd got comfortable eventually with the Meltem whistling down the valley when a big Benny full of krauts arrived. Amid sinking heart they proceeded to drop 20m upwind of me and fall back to within a boat's length alongside. Amazingly none of the 10 or so on board admitted to speaking english and pretended to ignore my report of poor holding and their proximity. They tried again, similar result. This time I pointedly hung all my fenders out so they moved a bit further away, but nowhere far enough for comfort or the noise they made. The wind picked up that evening and I dozed in the cockpit, as much worried about them falling on us as my anchor dragging. During the night it became apparent the Benny was slowly getting closer and at about 3am I called my crew up to watch the theatre as they slowly crept past us about five metres away. How they slept with the anchor and chain rattling and banging over the rocks I cannot imagine. As they were heading nicely out of the entrance and Kos is 15 miles away I was inclined to let them go after making such arses of themselves but sadly there was another boat in their way so I had to get the hooter out and wake up the entire bay. The ensuing chaos, panic and massed teutonic bellowing was a sight to gladden the heart, and I think they were chastened enough to continue out to sea and not try to return.

Croatia, Kornati Islands.
Sick to death of Austrians in particular parking on top of us in miles long expanses of usable water I anchored up one evening in an empty bay only for my gf to say surely this wasn't the nicest part of the bay. I agreed, and we had a beer or two as twilight approached. Inevitably a boat hove into sight and made a bee-line for us, closely followed by another. Gf's groans increased as we became a densely packed flotilla of four. So on donk, up anchor and head for the other side of the bay. Wouldn't it be nicer over there, asked gf, pointing to a spot half a mile further on. I agreed it would, but dropped the hook in spot 2. Just watch what happens, I said. Minutes later commotion on deck of two of the visitors as they upped anchors and motored over to join us! It was getting half-light by this stage so I just let them anchor up and stop their engines before clearing off to the site we had both spotted in the first instance. Their faces were a picture! Amazingly one of them made signs of following, but perhaps the sheep-noises dropped the hint.
Incredible!

 

[Sans Bateau]

Anchored for lunch a boat approaches and the magnetic effect kicks in. They make several attempts to anchor, probably just about where our anchor is, they drop back and realise they are on our bow. Much activity, rushing about , up comes the anchor and they try again, with the same plan and the same result. They try this several times before motoring off toward Cowes. As they pass, the skipper (rather rattled) shouts to us something about us being anchored in his way. I just fell about laughing.

South of France, boat arrives in anchorage, stops, a bundle of chain and anchor is dropped over the bow, and that was it.

 

[Ripster]

Another tip... if you ask a crew member to gently motor go astern towards the coast as you lay down the chain, make it clear you mean in a straight line and whilst holding the wheel steady. We did nearly a 180 degree turn as the rudder did what it felt like flipped right over to one side. By the time I realised I was now facing the coastline whilst stood staring at the chain at the bow, we had run out about 30m of chain in neat semi-circle creating some entertainment for our neighbours.

 

[andymcp]

Perhaps not anchoring, but still an attempt to come to a stop....

Mrs McP and I managed to grab an unexpected week off together, and booked a last minute flotilla with Sailing Holidays on a wee Jag 27 for the week, joining some other enthusiastic mariners for a lovely jaunt around the Northern Ionian. I forget exactly where we were stopping for the night, but the fleet was being tied up in a row at a fairly low quay wall in a lovely little town. From memory it was on the mainland side, but anyway.....

Amongst the selection of mostly self-aware crews was the mandatory Lord Admiral Of All Seas, a fairly young guy who obviously knew everything, and was kind enough to impart his wisdom to all others in slightly caustic tones whenever anyone made the inevitable odd mishap. This evening Mrs McP and I were already tied up when Lord Admiral came in to park. It was the first stern-to of the trip and there was something of a crosswind, but nothing to cause one of such experience any concern. The shout from the shore crew ready to take his lines was to give it reasonable speed to avoid too much cross-drift, then they would call when to stick in forwards and come to a halt. After much rolling of eyes at being given any instruction, the LA commanded his rather lovely First Officer to drop the anchor and come back to the cockpit so he could show her how it's done. In they came at a reasonable rate, with the LA facing backwards, one hand on tiller and one on the throttle control, all set for a truly majestic berthing display. As he got to within a few metres of the quay wall, the shore crew hinted that forwards might be a good idea. So, the LA applied some forwards....from his rear-facing view of the throttle. As they sped up towards the wall, the arms started waving ashore with a loud and clear demand for FORWARDS! So LA applied further throttle, and in his panic at the rapidly approaching brickwork eventually jammed it all the way home. Cue a resounding thump into the wall, accompanied by the rather distressing squeal of bending metal and splintering teak as the bathing platform collapsed, before he then repeatedly bounced off the wall (thanks to the still fully-open throttle) until the shore crew leapt into the cockpit, shut off the engine and grabbed a line to stop the mayhem becoming any worse.

Recovering his gruff demeanour, the Lord Admiral calmly asked why he hadn't been given the command for reverse instead, before disappearing below for the remainder of the evening. They mostly tried to be first in to every overnight stop after that.