The Great Race - result?

BrendanS

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Re: Moral dilemma

Finding myself in the position of being able to cast some light on the 'bit in the middle' I have been wrestling with my concience all day.

By rights, I, as a stinkie, should keep quiet, thereby assisting tcm. On the otherhand, I've taken libations with wee Jimi, and find him to be a stout lad, and beside we were once neighbours in Kilmarnock.

So, after due consideration, I have decided that the honourable way forward is to lay some facts before my learned colleagues and let them decide.

tcm has posted in another thread in the meet forum these comments:

1) "Half an hour later we got into Newtown creek to find five boats (adarcy, newbie "planty" in big sealine, duncan, Col, BrendanS, Ianainge and Happy1 all rafted to each other, and the fun was in full swing. In real life, Happy1 actually isn't a hyperactive raving loony. In fact, he is not hyperactive at all. He'd asked BrendanS and Adarcy etc about "this Kim woman" and was assured that Kim was a gorgeous blonde."

2) "The now-freed HM then came round and went mental about having 6 boats on a mooring, i attempted to give him some jip, but he wouldn't have it. I'm the HM so that's that, he said. We went and anchored a little way away"

3) "3.30 it was the agreed time for the race with jimi. But i had failed to find Jimi or raise him on he radio. But someone said they were sure he was around in Newtown creek. So at 2:40 we pulled up the anchor (well, sailbad did and covered himself with sheep shit from the seabed, cos no blimmin leccy anchor) and cruised around looking for him. But no sign of Jimi. Hm."

I'll take each of these points in order.

a)Far from being in the 'raft' as tcm intimates, I was enroute. I was not there, and did not have a conversation with Adarcy and Happy1 regarding the size of Kim's bust or hair colour.

b) I arrived at the same time as Chris_B4 and BurgundyBen, as either of these gentlemen will attest. At the time of arrival 'the raft' were attempting to pull the two tenders off the mud by used of a very long string. I motored back and forth having conversations with people on 'the raf't from my boat, as Duncan, Happy1 and Forbsie will attest.

c) The HM arrrived and proceeded to refuse to have a barney with tcm. From my boat, I requested what the result of the non-barney had been FROM tcm, who informed me that they had to split up 'the raft' and reanchor. Please note, tcm should have been aware at this point that I was not previously in 'the raft' and later in the evening in the Marquee, commented to his SWMBO that I was the one in the boat that had circled a few time.

d) At this point, I motored over to the good vessel 'Glen Rosa' having had said vessel pointed out to me by members of 'the raft'. This is the most curious part. Glen Rosa was visibly anchored not more than one boat length from 'the raft, TOWARDS the entrance of Newton. To leave from where tcm finally anchored, tcm would have to have motored not more than 6ft from the bow of 'Glen Rosa' to exit. I exchanged pleasantries with Jimi, and informed him that rather than anchor or raft, I would have to head for Mercury, as incompetance on my part had resulted in a flat battery, which I did not consider sufficiently recharged enough on the 5 minute voyage from Lymington to Newton to restart my engine.

Given these obvious flaws in tcm's tale, it is obvious that his perception at the time and/or his later recollection was clouded (possibly by lack of sleep due to the festivities and late evening the previously?).

It is these inconsistencies in recounting events earlier in the day, which lead me to ask my learned colleagues, if tcm's account of later happenings, leading up to and including 'the race' may be similarly flawed.

I will await my learned colleagues considered response

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Ohdrat

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Re: Axis of Tartan

Please can I have assylum status /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif I fear for my life and will be unable to sail safely in Scottish waters.. the trawler men are after me..<paranoid>

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tcm

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Plaintiff response to Brendan

We'll be taking testimony from the sheep next, protesting that the cows are to blame for the gunk at the bottom newtown creek and not them.

Alright there were a lot rafted up at various times, and brendan came along LATER. But this doesn't make any diference to main issue of jimi fleeing.

In my report elsewhere I thought it would be nice to put Brendan in the middle of the action, cos he's organised everything. Otherwise, the report would have to read "just as we were all struggling to get the boats apart/together or rescue yet more people in a dinghy in a load of wind, brendanS kindly swooshed about a bit in a speedyboat and said wooh hiya what's going on eh? but was otherwise utterly useless with regard to anchoring, rescuing fenders or anything else". Which wouldn't have been very nice about the organiser now would it?

I am sure jimi's boat was large as life somewhere, but we didn't see it. I am not saying he pressed the hyperspace button at all- but as he set the course and the challenge, i hung about on the line, expecting to come across him at a minute before 3.30 haring down the hills at the head of an army of celtic marauders. And I was looking at the depth sounder that said 0.0 until towards the middle of Newtown creek.

Jimi's boat has NO scottish flag on, no tartan, no higland bagpipe music, which I was looking for. Just glen rosa on the back. He doesn't even have a sign that says "Keep Clear If you survive a close encounter with this boat you will still get talked to death about colregs later". So he is not easy to spot.

Either way, we set off at the right time, and jimi didn't.

I understand that jimi has rushed off to the Bank of Scotland with a big lorry to withdraw all their money for safekeeping.


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BrendanS

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Re: Capt Details

Harrumph!

Speaking out of turn!

Kindly let the learned gentlemen have time to consider, you'll have your chance to put your side of things later.

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madman

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we\'ve destroyed them..

... replaced them with degrees in wallpapering and slimming .... the methods of maths instruction ...

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jimi

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Re: Independent Observer wanted

Yer a lawyer are ye no? OK then, 3 bottles o' 80 shullin and no a penny mair!

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Observer

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Judgement is pronounced (hic)

First, I wish it to be clearly understood that I did NOT read jimi's brazen attempted bribery before writing this post (well, if I did I forgot about it immediately) (by the way, what is "80 shullin"?).

Having duly considered Brendan's statement, I can only comment that tcm is, after all, a member (well, sort of associate or honorary member, maybe) of the fourth estate, so the conflicts between his account of events and Brendan's are easily explained by the maxim "never let the facts get in the way of a good story" and one can hardly, fairly conclude, because of the exercise of a little jounalistic licence on some extraneous facts, that his account of the central events is fatally compromised. After all, as I believe he once admitted, 90% of his posts are a load of horse manure (well, sheep manure in this case) anyway.

On the other hand, it may be interesting to find out exactly what "80 shullin" is (oops, I haven't forgotten it have I) - in which case I come down on jimi's side. Except he hasn't really given his side of events, at least not in the jolly wafflingy and entertaining way that tcm did, and he hasn't actually bought me the beer he promised me at least six months ago.

Hmmm. I seem to be misdirecting myself all over the place here, so I have no alternative but to declare a mistrial. (This is a handy device for judges - like me, who haven't a clue how to judge. It also allows some more time for the bidding war to develop.) Also quite a good result for both sides, as it happens. Means tcm doesn't pay the fiver he owes and jimi doesn't lose the fiver he's owed. So, that's all right then.

Now, about the re-match. In order to obscure (oops, I mean observe) fair play, I suggest I use our RIB as a committee boat/support boat/get-in-the-way-of-the-one-who's-supposed-not-to-win boat. I will race around the course during the course of the race generally getting in the way, causing loads of wash and, if it's a nice stinkie-type light winds sort of day, hopefully provoking the odd 'accidental gybe'.

Of course, as tcm hasn't a saily boat handy (unless he rents another specially) the race won't be run for another year, which will allow both sides to buy me lots more beers, in the hope I am more capable of corruption incapable than I am capable.



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Twister_Ken

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Immaterial evidence

I see it is being allegated that TCM may have been somewhat confused as a result of his efforts of the previous evening. As I was in his company until the early hours of Shaturday, may I state categorically that any inebriation that he was insinuated, tired and/or emulsional is entirely without foundation, and it was only because the numerical cod for the shower block at Mercruiser marina is fiendishly hard to dismember, that he was arrested for raising the water level of the River Shamble by straining his greens from the end of a pinger fontoon. To this both myself and Burgundian Benjamin can attest. I have every confidence in his ability to have sailed his wunderbat in a throughly semenlike manor later that day, and as his sailing meister, the lily livered Sailsin the Badder had skulked off early to his batchelor (ha) bed thus avoiding consuming a fair portion of Stingo's round-the-world stores, there would likely have been at least one clear eye aboard to have observerated the presents of Glen Rosa. As the aforementioned Sunbed the Sinner has said nothing on the mater, we must exhume that TCM was totally combatant at all tides.

Thankyou for your tension.



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BrendanS

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Re: Inmahterial evidenshce

I'll abide by your honourable opinion, if our erstwhile Scottish lawlord Claymore votes in a similar fashion

As a point of order. Having read your opinion in great depth, I do believe that the UK lawlords should take some time to review their opinions in greater detail, at some moment in the future when they are less encumbered by the obviously huge emotional stress they endured during the course of the weekend.

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tcm

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Appeal & UN resolution: calling Sailbad

This is a bit previous innit? Jimi still has no legal assistance on account of dispensing with the services of the Lord Sheriff of Largs-by-Lothersdale, and the military are as yet only doing a bit of strafing of anyone around the established no-sail zone.

I feel sure that my onboard Inspector will completely exonerate me as soon as he checks himself out of Betty Ford.



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TheBoatman

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Re: Independent Observer wanted

>>pervert the course of justice cos he's a lawyer. <<

My sentiments perzackerly<s>

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BrendanS

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Re: Judgement is pronounced (hic)

Aah the wise ways of the m'learned gentlemen are beyond me.

May I approach the bench my honour

<whispering> If Jimi tries to bribe you again after all the bleedin work I did on his behalf, I'll wring his stringy scottish neck <end whisper>

and on that note, I'll leave it to you honoured gentleman to decide the true justice of the position. A scheming member of the fourth estate, bent on applying his own interpretation of events, or a true and humble member of Scottish descent, who is too honest and tight for his own good


Can I assure my learned gentleman, that a generous decision, would be met with an equally generous donation to a charity of the gentleman's choice. Jimi would be happy to bring such a charitable donation, lets say a case of 55 vintage port, delivered to your home for distribution to charities of your choice?

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sailbadthesinner

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Re: Fromthe horses mouth

Jimi evidently saw us setting off early.
Basically it was raining in Newton Creek and we had decided to save the rest of champagne to celebrate our undoubted victory in Mercury. So myself and Lucas eldest no1 son in the tcm household, set about weighing anchor. having established it weighed alot we hauled it up and set off.

Having taken position at the leeward end of the start line and hailed jimi on the radio several times
we set off at the appointed time 3.30 only to find that jimi had taken off.

i can only state that having set off early, jimi forfeited the race.

can i also just to say anyone looking at a bav 37. carry on looking or get the lead bulb keel version.

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tcm

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Hurrah! Saved by note from the back of Courtroom

Actually, I don't suppose this changes Observer's judgement of a rerun at some point in the future.

Nonetheless, I will orgainse for the American aircraft carrier to withdraw as soon as possible. I'm afraid it's going to take a very long time to rebuild Scotland though, it's a right mess.

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BoatlessinOslo

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Re: Judgement is pronounced (hic)

Beware the Greeks (or in this case Scots, another nationality where male traditional dress involves skirt wearing) bearing gifts.

80 shullin a.k.a. Heeevvvy, a dark foamy liquid, is one half of the twin weapons of mass destruction (dual action chemo-diabological) available to rogue governments, and the general public, over the counter in Scotland for a joint price of ca. 3 squids. The other being the infamous scotch pie.

Either on its own can ferment incredible distress and gastrointestinal torment to any forced to consume them however when partaken of concurrently the effects are awesome. The symptoms usually commence several hours after digestion begins, typically about 3 in the morning, with rumblings in the stomach/intestines of an ever increasing magnitude culminating with severe cramps and a dash to the ablutions (don’t forget the code, by this time you do not have long) where, hopefully upon attaining a sitting position in an available trap, an eruption of a minimum of force 8 on the richter and beaufort scales takes place. After shocks occur for at least 24 hours after the “Main Event”.

PS Alternatively, if you want to pebble-dash a wall in an off-brown colour scheme and do not mind the side effects, this is the fastest way to achieve your goal.


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