The difference between French and English sailors!

[Reverend Ludd]

Wait until you get to Spain.

As I approached the single shower block in Estepona Marina a Northern African cleaner came running out. Some extraordinary human being had layed a turd on the floor approximately 2ft long.

Yeah but I apologised for that

 

[Sandy]

none of that mixed shower malarky

Oh I don't know that can be quite fun!

 

[Roberto]

The most entertaining ones these days are the self-cleaning revolving seat ones!

especially if it accidentally switches on while one is seating on it

 

[chinita]

Yeah but I apologised for that

Are you admitting you are full of ****!

 

[Havant a Clew]

Are you admitting you are full of ****!

At 2 ft long, I shouldn't think so now

 

[reginaldon]

And then there was the public loo in Northern Italy that had a two-seater. Fortunately for me No. 2 was unoccupied.

There was a similar facility at a tea shop, which was on our itinery when we used to go for a ramble in the Cheshire countryside when I was young - not many in Wilmslow today!

 

[Reverend Ludd]

I think the most marked difference is the speed with which we could roll out a line of cannon, fire and reload.

 

[upcountry2]

Wait until you get to Spain.

As I approached the single shower block in Estepona Marina a Northern African cleaner came running out. Some extraordinary human being had layed a turd on the floor approximately 2ft long.

Gentlemen... Please......

 

[Nostrodamus]

Getting back to sailing it appears the French also have several additional rules that are not applicable to English boats. One or two I found are

1) The Morse control only has two speeds…. Full ahead and Full reverse.

2) Only two fenders are to be deployed at any one time. One of these will be over the bow.

3) No lines are to be taken from the locker until you are alongside the pontoon. There will then be a mass debate amongst the crew about who does what but only one member is allowed off the boat to secure the lines. The other seven have to watch and shout loudly.

I have to say however that being in France for some time I do love the people and their way of life. We could certainly learn a thing or two from them.

 

[Koeketiene]

Toilet humour - how very British

 

[prv]

As I approached the single shower block in Estepona Marina a Northern African cleaner came running out. Some extraordinary human being had layed a turd on the floor approximately 2ft long.

Apparently that also happens from time to time in the halls of residence at Warwick University. The cleaners get a special bonus known as "dirty money" for having to clear up such abominations in the showers.

Cannot understand how or why this situation arises.

Pete

 

[Sybarite]

Bidet, the dictionary says "Word of French origin"...

I must have visited *a lot* of French toilet rooms during the past 20 years of living here and the percentage having a bidet is next to nil, not only public but private places too.


Who *ever* takes a shower *every time* after having gone to the loo...



Are bidets common in the UK ?

An English woman, visiting a French flat, asked the estate agent if the bidet was for washing the baby in?

"No Madame", he replied, "It's for washing the baby out."

 

[sailorman]

I just have to talk about the biggest difference between the French and English. No it is not the language or that we are on different land masses. It is far bigger than both of these put together and is something I have alluded to before on our website. It is, drumroll please, the French toilets.

Now, someone like me, with too much time on their hands worked out that the average person spends some 394 days or 56 weeks on the toilet in their lifetime, or at least they do in England. It is one place you can be on your own and contemplate life or 7 down beginning with “W”

Not so with the French. I know they have toilets on their boats, I checked, but they have never been used apart from somewhere to store 400 fishing rods and 600 bottles of wine. If the men need to go then out it flops over the side. Anything bigger goes in a bucket and is thrown over the side for mullet food with a smile at the thought of the British trying to eat one. Their peculiar toilet habits don’t stop there. We were in a marina laundry room when in Jacques strides in his Breton top and used an open urinal next to us without a thought. There are numerous urinals around which have half saloon doors or no doors and are completely open to public view. As people walk past It can stop everything in mid-stream and leave you with a bladder the size of a dromedary camel. It gets better. In most places the toilets don’t have those plastic seats all men leave down to annoy women. There is nothing, just cold hard porcelain or a hole to hover over. I was thinking of buying one of those blow up neck holders you use when traveling but they are too small and fall inside. I have spoken before about the hole in the floor job where you need to adopt the rodeo position in order to squat at the same time as keeping your trousers in a suitable position but I tend to give them a miss, literally. Now I don’t know about you but I have no problem giving a contented “Aaahhhh” occasionally but try to go when the toilets are mixed and Mademoiselles Emmanuelle or Lolita is in the next trap. It just does not work for me. It also dispels a few dreams when Mademoiselle breaks wind like Moby Dick and you hear a loud splosh and a “Aahhhh” from her. It is the same with the mixed showers. Having a bikini line floating around in your cubicle, hooking onto your big toe and all because Josephine has blocked her plug hole by giving herself a Brazilian with a cuttle fish. It is just not British. The only good point is that there are not many French female “ginners”. To make matters worse you have to pay in most showers for the privilege of watching female armpit hair float past like a Moses basket. The water is timed and cuts off at the most inopportune moments. You find yourself still with soap in your hair and eyes, a bird’s nest around your toes as you do a can-can to flick it off on Jacques who is walking around with his member out chatting about the one that got away………

i thought the French stood & hoverer over the hole in the floor

 

[Nostrodamus]

i thought the French stood & hoverer over the hole in the floor

That is th rodeo position.. you have to squat whilst holding the trousers up from the floor.. at night itneeds the dambuster position. two torhes, one at the front one at the back angled down. squat slowly and when the beams join up over the hole press the release button.

 

[chinita]

Gentlemen... Please......

Well, I can only speak as I find........or found.

 

[Whiskey Bravo]

I just have to talk about the biggest difference between the French and English. No it is not the language or that we are on different land masses. It is far bigger than both of these put together and is something I have alluded to before on our website. It is, drumroll please, the French toilets.

Now, someone like me, with too much time on their hands worked out that the average person spends some 394 days or 56 weeks on the toilet in their lifetime, or at least they do in England. It is one place you can be on your own and contemplate life or 7 down beginning with “W”

Not so with the French. I know they have toilets on their boats, I checked, but they have never been used apart from somewhere to store 400 fishing rods and 600 bottles of wine. If the men need to go then out it flops over the side. Anything bigger goes in a bucket and is thrown over the side for mullet food with a smile at the thought of the British trying to eat one. Their peculiar toilet habits don’t stop there. We were in a marina laundry room when in Jacques strides in his Breton top and used an open urinal next to us without a thought. There are numerous urinals around which have half saloon doors or no doors and are completely open to public view. As people walk past It can stop everything in mid-stream and leave you with a bladder the size of a dromedary camel. It gets better. In most places the toilets don’t have those plastic seats all men leave down to annoy women. There is nothing, just cold hard porcelain or a hole to hover over. I was thinking of buying one of those blow up neck holders you use when traveling but they are too small and fall inside. I have spoken before about the hole in the floor job where you need to adopt the rodeo position in order to squat at the same time as keeping your trousers in a suitable position but I tend to give them a miss, literally. Now I don’t know about you but I have no problem giving a contented “Aaahhhh” occasionally but try to go when the toilets are mixed and Mademoiselles Emmanuelle or Lolita is in the next trap. It just does not work for me. It also dispels a few dreams when Mademoiselle breaks wind like Moby Dick and you hear a loud splosh and a “Aahhhh” from her. It is the same with the mixed showers. Having a bikini line floating around in your cubicle, hooking onto your big toe and all because Josephine has blocked her plug hole by giving herself a Brazilian with a cuttle fish. It is just not British. The only good point is that there are not many French female “ginners”. To make matters worse you have to pay in most showers for the privilege of watching female armpit hair float past like a Moses basket. The water is timed and cuts off at the most inopportune moments. You find yourself still with soap in your hair and eyes, a bird’s nest around your toes as you do a can-can to flick it off on Jacques who is walking around with his member out chatting about the one that got away………

Perhaps you aren't old enough to have been to festivals in the 60's & 70's. Whole lines of people balanced on a pole over a pit, the contents of which got nearer & nearer the pole as time went by. Constipation was a blesed relief

 

[Poignard]

I have spoken before about the hole in the floor job where you need to adopt the rodeo position in order to squat at the same time as keeping your trousers in a suitable position but I tend to give them a miss, literally.

Especial care is necessary when one is wearing a boiler suit

 

[DownWest]

Hitching around S France and Spain in the late 60s.
French campsite with a round stockade as the loo. Guys to the left, girls to the right. BUT, the same big hole in the middle which one hung over.
Very impressed by the squats, one of our lot nearly lost his battery razer down the hole. Quality ones have electric auto flushes.

Noticed that the French have separeted sex and nudity. Launching my boat, a girl changed her kit from bikini to street just by turning away and changing. No false modesty or huge bag to hide whatever. Nobody blinked, or even looked (well not much)
DW

 

[prv]

Noticed that the French have separeted sex and nudity.

Quite right too.

Pete

 

[chinita]

Having been a soldier and quite happy to hang my arse over the side of an FV432 in the middle of a Canadian Prarie I thought I would be prepared for anything.

That was until I walked into the public toilet in Srinagar, Kashmir.