The cruising life .. Men v women outlook

The bath is from an earlier post by Mrs Springy who incidentally has contribted two wonderful posts from a womans perspective. I also agree with her and if you had read the posts you may understand.

From a mans point of view we don't need the shower bath thing as much but occasionally a woman needs to feel pampered. After several months living aboard I have no objection to my wife needing some home comforts. If she feels the need to pamper herself and we can find a good deal on a hotel close by then why shouldnt she book in for a night, have a bath, put on decent clothes and make up in a dry, warm enviroment. What she wants is equally important as what I want even if at times they are different. By doing this she feels refreshed and ready to face another few months aboard.
 
VO5,
You make some excellent points and I agree with your way of doing things and some of the solutions to the problems there are.

It is easy when first discusing the idea of living aboard with the other half to try and persuade her concentrating on the good points. The flat seas, drinking wine and watching the sun set, swimming off your home, the sun, the exclusive coves, pitcture postcard towns you can see each day. Tell them this and it does sound attractive. On the other hand mention being in a F8 feeling seasick, 20 hours from and respite, rolling seas, cold, damp, condesation and they may not want to join in with your adventure. Both are part of sailing and the other half should be made aware of that.You can minimise the bad weather but at some point you are going to be there.
VO5 did it right as I hope I did. A gradual introduction and we have purposley been in rough weather so she knows what it is like and we bothknow how shewill cope.
Probablylie a lot of men i was supprised that after a gradual build up she knew what was comming and was quiet happy and coped wonderfully. Yes, lie me we would rather have perfect sailing weather with the sun out and we will whenever posible sail in good weather, staying in port if the forcast is bad. We also know that should we be caught out, and we both know we will be, then we can cope and more importantly it is not an unknown thing she is facing.
VO5.. I also agree with your other points and wish you and your partner continued happy sailing.
 
Nostrodamus said:
VO5,
You make some excellent points and I agree with your way of doing things and some of the solutions to the problems there are.

It is easy when first discusing the idea of living aboard with the other half to try and persuade her concentrating on the good points. The flat seas, drinking wine and watching the sun set, swimming off your home, the sun, the exclusive coves, pitcture postcard towns you can see each day. Tell them this and it does sound attractive. On the other hand mention being in a F8 feeling seasick, 20 hours from and respite, rolling seas, cold, damp, condesation and they may not want to join in with your adventure. Both are part of sailing and the other half should be made aware of that.You can minimise the bad weather but at some point you are going to be there.
VO5 did it right as I hope I did. A gradual introduction and we have purposley been in rough weather so she knows what it is like and we bothknow how shewill cope.
Probablylie a lot of men i was supprised that after a gradual build up she knew what was comming and was quiet happy and coped wonderfully. Yes, lie me we would rather have perfect sailing weather with the sun out and we will whenever posible sail in good weather, staying in port if the forcast is bad. We also know that should we be caught out, and we both know we will be, then we can cope and more importantly it is not an unknown thing she is facing.
VO5.. I also agree with your other points and wish you and your partner continued happy sailing.
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Thank you for your good wishes Nostradamus, much appreciated.
Now a word of advice / a suggestion if I may...
I don't exactly know where you are currently berthed, but I assume somewhere in Northern Europe.
Northern Europe is in the direct track of winter depressions, bringing cold, wind, rain, etc., been there, seen it,, done it, got the badge.
It is not the sort of latitudes to encourage enthusiasm owing to potential discomforts. Perhaps if you were to move down to the Med asap it would help in developing an enthusiastic response considering improvement in weather and lifestyle. You may be pleasantly surprised that the one year test flies out of the porthole.:D
The best time to arrive is in the spring, late spring, late March early April, when the sun is shining, the sea and the sky are blue and the days get longer and sunny with the prospects of a long hot summer ahead.
:D...it could work wonders..:D
 
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Not strictly a direct answer to your OP but I'm going to rant whether you like it or not!

I am utterly disgusted at the behaviour of many sailing men towards their wives/partners, or indeed other women. They're normally of retired age. On a number of occassions I have heard the husband tell his wife to 'pipe down' after she expressed an opinion, or be told off that they've had too much to drink because she laughed a bit too loudly at dinner. I've even witnessed physical abuse where the wife refused to back up her husband during a very drunken argument.

My partner and I are completely equal, straight down the middle. She's my best friend and I would only ever treat my best friend as an equal. We miss home in equal measures, there is no reason why she should miss it more than me.

The sooner these cranky old ****wits, living in a bygone age where SWMBO was little more than a washer-upper and a maid to fetch his slippers, be replaced by the more progressive, more equal, younger sailing generation, the better.
 
demonboy said:
Not strictly a direct answer to your OP but I'm going to rant whether you like it or not!

I am utterly disgusted at the behaviour of many sailing men towards their wives/partners, or indeed other women. They're normally of retired age. On a number of occassions I have heard the husband tell his wife to 'pipe down' after she expressed an opinion, or be told off that they've had too much to drink because she laughed a bit too loudly at dinner. I've even witnessed physical abuse where the wife refused to back up her husband during a very drunken argument.

My partner and I are completely equal, straight down the middle. She's my best friend and I would only ever treat my best friend as an equal. We miss home in equal measures, there is no reason why she should miss it more than me.

The sooner these cranky old ****wits, living in a bygone age where SWMBO was little more than a washer-upper and a maid to fetch his slippers, be replaced by the more progressive, more equal, younger sailing generation, the better.
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Steady on Demonboy old chap. You sure you've not been in India to long ? Mixing with the remnants of the Rajh :D

Understand where your coming from but we're not all like that, though I have met many who are. Usually ex-military types who shout/bark out their orders for crew & SWMBO to obey without question. They do make me laugh & I often do not hesitate to let them know it.
 
Hi Sandyman! Happy new year to you :)

I did warn you it would be a rant! All these experiences were in Turkey, where there is a large contingency of Brits. As a 'younger' sailor (ok, 41 now) I can't help but notice the behaviour of some men, and I have to say they are all 65-plus. Of course I am not for one moment saying all 65+ year old sailors behave in this way, or indeed anyone under that age is a saint, but there's definitely a generational difference.
 
demonboy said:
Hi Sandyman! Happy new year to you :)

I did warn you it would be a rant! All these experiences were in Turkey, where there is a large contingency of Brits. As a 'younger' sailor (ok, 41 now) I can't help but notice the behaviour of some men, and I have to say they are all 65-plus. Of course I am not for one moment saying all 65+ year old sailors behave in this way, or indeed anyone under that age is a saint, but there's definitely a generational difference.
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Hello Jamie................good to see you back. :D

Would agree about the generation difference but I also think it has a lot to do with (not sure how to put this in words) being the Skipper & the assumed powers that brings. If that makes sense. Men seem particularly prone to it. This sudden found power/control in being the responsible skipper. Some seem to handle it well, where as in others it seems to go to their heads and they dont know how to handle it.

(sorry but one of those posts where i know what I want to say but not put it over very well)

BTW.....HNY to you & yours.
 
Another characteristic of long term liveaboard couples is that they tend to tell the same story, individually, AT THE SAME TIME to you.

So you end up, standing on the pontoon, normally bursting for a dump, listening intently, to both of them whilst smiling, nodding and desperately trying to find a way of curtailing the stereophonic one way conversation.
 
THe number of skippers who shout at their crew is not confined to husband and wife teams, nor are they restricted to shouting at women. They are shouters, full stop. My observation is that the shouting is caused by anxiety, as a result of incompetence, mostly.

I say mostly because occasionally it is due to arrogance or impatience or a combination thereof. I know someone who over the years has got louder and louder and as a consequence finds it difficult to find crew. Despite being told, nothing changes. Oh dear !:rolleyes:

Putting SWMBO down is not acceptable. Futhermore doing it in the presence of others makes it really awful. Alcohol often drives these outbursts. If only they realised how embarrassing it is for others present they might not do it.

While in the USA we had a husband and wife aboard for a drink and snacks one evening from a neighbouring boat. Both Brits. It went well until he began to overdrink, got ruder and ruder to his poor wife. I just told him to behave or get off my boat. He argued. I made him get off my boat.

His wife remained with us for the rest of the evening. She could not apologise enough. Then she explained she regretted ever having met him. She did so via a website. She married him. She gave up her business to cruise with him. She felt trapped.

The next day I saw him on the pontoon. He behaved as if nothing had happened. Extraordinary behaviour really.
 
VO5 said:
THe number of skippers who shout at their crew is not confined to husband and wife teams, nor are they restricted to shouting at women. They are shouters, full stop. My observation is that the shouting is caused by anxiety, as a result of incompetence, mostly.
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Couldn't agree more; embarrassing to witness.

The cure for this is a few bouts of singlehanded sailing.
 
Nostrodamus said:
Let’s be honest here for a moment or two.
It is easy to extoll the virtues of the cruising life and almost every article you read will say just how wonderful it is and how there is no better existence.
To be fair, as a man I would agree and it is difficult to find a downside.
We men have our friends but are quiet happy to leave them behind and text them once a year to say “Happy Christmas” if we can actually remember or work out which month we are in.
My wife on the other hand misses her friends, her family and the stability of bricks and mortar. She has found it far harder to adapt in our first year of cruising and felt the need to go home for a few weeks. I must admit she has come back in a far more positive frame of mind and is looking forward to next year but I still know she is to a certain extent helping me live my dream.
I am trying to write an article on the differences between the cruising life for men and women and would appreciate any input, particularly from other women who cruise.
Did you really want to give up everything and go or were you helping your partner live his dream. What are the downsides for you and over time has your feelings changed or do you look forward to the time you get back in a “proper house”. I am looking for some honest answers, good and bad.
If you would rather e mail our website below has our contact details on.
Thank you.
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From the male point of view in our sailing relaitionship the following sums it up from First Mates side. We rose at 0445 hours for a passage Gosport-Littlehampton. It was pissing down, blowing a fast reducing F7 and as black as a preachers hat. "I dont mind the dark, I dont mind the rain and I dont mind it blowing and rough. BUT I am not having all three at once!" I put the kettle on and got the bacon in the pan. An hour and a half later it was just getting light, the rain had stopped and the wind was down to the top of a F5. We left and had a cracking sail with huge seas on the starboard quarter around the Owers. Got into Littlehampton and had a splendid weekend with a fair sail back in late October sunshine-caught three late makerel on the diving vane for tea too.
 
chinita said:
I am getting a bit confused by all of this.

If you want a bath - go and live in a house!
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Many moons back my daughter joined me on the French canals at Avignon. The temp was in the 90's and she got off the coach dressed in jeans and Doc Martins carrying a rucksack. We set off to the boat and she set a pace like we were on a route march! So when we arrived, we were both bathed in sweat.
She said she could just do with a bath, which made me laugh, but not wishing to disappoint I put a waterproof sheet in the bottom of the cockpit and filled it with water. We had a lovely time in our new paddling pool :D
 
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