Santa Claus - an engineer' perspective.

Col

New member
Joined
14 Oct 2001
Messages
2,577
Location
Berks
Visit site
Santa Claus - an engineer\' perspective.

1/ No known species of reindeer can fly. however, there are are some 300,000 living organisms yet to be classified. While most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer ( which only Santa has seen )

2/ There are approximately two billion children ( persons under 18 ) in the world.However since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindi, Jewish or Buddist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total , or 378 million ( according to the population reference bureau ) At an average ( census ) rate of 3.5 children per household, that makes 108 million households, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

3/ Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth, assuming he travels east to west ( which seems logical ) This works out to be 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000 of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the Earth ( which of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations ) we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santas sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulyssees space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run ( at best ) 15 miles per hour.

4/ The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set ( two pounds ) the sleigh is carrying over 500,000 tons, not counting Santa who is invariably described as overweight. On land a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the " flying " reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them--Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, by another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth ( the ship, not the monarch )

5/ 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance, this would heat up th reindeer in the same fashion as a space craft re-entering the Earths atmosphere. The lead reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporised within 4.26 thousanths of a second. Santa meanwhile, would be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa ( which seems ludicrously slim ) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

6/ In conclusion, if Santa ever did deliver presents to all the good children of the world on Christmas eve, HE'S DEAD NOW !!


MERRY XMAS XXX
 
G

Guest

Guest
Re: Santa Claus - an engineer\' perspective.

1/ I can personally vouch for the flying reindeer: Lots of them walked in the window and down the wall of son's bedroom to drink the milk, leaving hoof marks.

2/ 3/ 4/ 5/ spurious: The present-giving is franchised to various santas across different countries, each stationed in a department store. Also, kids in non-english speaking countries probably get rubbish, especially china where most presents are made.

6/ no presents for you then.
 

billskip

Well-known member
Joined
6 Sep 2001
Messages
10,682
Visit site
Re: Santa Claus - an engineer\' perspective.

wodnt av thort e would be over weight like e is doin all that...
 

ccscott49

Active member
Joined
7 Sep 2001
Messages
18,583
Visit site
Re: She said..he said...

Oh! God, Tony, enough! it is only monday! 4 more days to three weeks off in the sun!! Yippee!
 

BarryD

New member
Joined
10 Sep 2001
Messages
1,388
Location
Bathtub
Visit site
Re: Santa Claus - an engineer\' perspective.

I don't understand this how am I going to explain it to the short person?

AND your figures are wrong - I also get presents from Santa - hope it's a chart plotter.
 

paulineb

Active member
Joined
16 May 2001
Messages
28,449
Location
I no longer live in Hope
Visit site
Re: Who put me in the sin bin ??

Santa Claus went to the doctor. He said "Excuse me doctor, I think I've got a mince pie stuck up my bottom.

The doctor said, OK bend over let's have a look. After examining him, the doctor said "Yes indeed Mr Clause you do have a mince pie stuck up your bottom, but don't worry I've got some cream for it"

And to the green or red person reading this - there is nothing rude about mince pies and cream , you're obviously making up your own jokes ;-)

Pauline B
 

Col

New member
Joined
14 Oct 2001
Messages
2,577
Location
Berks
Visit site
Re: groan !

While we're at it.

A Russian couple were walking downthe street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
" I think it's raining " he said to his wife.
" No , that felt more like snow to me " she replied.
" I'm sure it was just rain " he said.
Just as they were about to have a major argument about whether it is raining or snowing, They saw a Communist party official walking towards them.
" Lets not fight about it " the man said, " Lets ask comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing "
As the official approached, the man said " Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"
" It's raining of course! " he replied, and walked on.
But the woman still insisted " I know that felt like snow!" to which the man quietly replied " Don't argue, Rudolph the red, knows rain dear "

Preparing for full flaming/abuse !!!
 

claymore

Well-known member
Joined
18 Jun 2001
Messages
10,636
Location
In the far North
Visit site
Cross Posting

I know, as a sailingboatperson I probably shouldn't be here, but I just couldn't read your posting and not respond. At times this world is a sad and sorry old place, jetskiers buzzing around, motorboaters sending their huge wash and upsetting the set of my sails, lobsterpots in all the wrong places, people flying all sorts of coloured ensigns when I can only have a red one, people wearing those rather pleasant faded terra-cotta coloured yachtie-pants and me in jeans...the list is endless. Despite this, many of us carry bravely on, chin up, shoulders back, brave little soldiers each and every one and then you go and write that, have you no heart? Have you not heard of Emerson, Lake and Palmer, does Johnny Mathis mean nothing?
If S.Claus gets to read your posting, I'm sure you will have done untold damage to engineers everywhere who are probably right now in imminent danger of being crossed of the Prezzy List.
There's still time to repent though - so go on, for engineers everywhere
yours sincerely
One of Santa's Little Helpers.
 

paulineb

Active member
Joined
16 May 2001
Messages
28,449
Location
I no longer live in Hope
Visit site
Ermerson, Lake & Palmer

Fantastic band. Saw them many times. First band to use the moog synthesiser.

I remember the concert they did at Charlton Valley football ground just after they released Tarkus. I still have visions of Keith Emerson riding his organ around the stage.

Pauline B
 
Top