Radio Checks - the definitive post

[claymore]

There are posts which recur. Lobster pots get a fairly regular airing as do Ensigns.
This is an attempt to explain the psyche of the radio scheck syndrome, in the hope that it will lay the issue to rest to a satisfactory conclusion for all.
I've spent considerable time considering this issue and to give due consideration to all those who have considered it as well here goes:-
The vhf radio is one of those pieces of equipment that no-one likes to venture off without. This clearly sets it apart from other equipment such as, for example - a liferaft. Personally I do not possess or hire a liferaft - I feel it is non-essential to my purpose. The VHF I do possess and leave it switched on so that I can listen to CG weather forecasts and - in idle moments, the banter and chat of fishermen and from time to time the mindless witterings of "Yacht ------, this is Yacht----"
The VHF radio is not an inexpensive item, but being defined in our minds as essential, it is an expense which we are happy to bear.
The practice described above is probably shared by most of us and I have never actually asked for a radio check from the coastguard. I have realised that I am not really getting value for money from my investment and whilst slow to this conclusion, it has become apparent to me that all those asking for radio checks are simply getting a better return than I on their investment so I think I'll make a start.
So - as one voice - I think we should be looking for increased radio check traffic from here on in and you can surely see that it makes sound economic sense. Can't you?

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Claymore
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[Roberto]

First user was Descartes

radio check ergo sum

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[ccscott49]

Re: First user was Descartes

He soesn't need any help from you to cause utter mayhem!! Now some people might start thinking about this, next thing you know they'll be a petition to "save our radio checks" Oh! Claymore what have you done, pandora did a fine job without you starting!

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[ParaHandy]

whzzzz...crackle....whzzzz.... crackle....whzzz... say again ....

before these solent nerds get it switched off, d'you think we could ask the Clyde to record yon lass with the purrrfect voice ... jist dreaming, ye ken .....

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[sailbadthesinner]

As a counsellor to reformed radio alcoholics i must caution you on your approach.

It is a short hop skip and jump from Coast Guard this is......radio check please

to thinking you are noel edmonds or terry wogan and channell 16 becomes you personal airwave

one of my customers used to invite all on 'listeners' 16 over to 72 or 78 to hear his 'show'
if the forcast looked bad he would intersperse the banter and sing 'there may be trouble ahead' to cheer everyone up.

My new venture i have set up The Waterbased Airwave Therapy Sessions (TWATS) to wean users off their dependency by pointing out that channell 16 should be viewed like a tube train. You would not give everyone on the tube a running commentary or conversation with someone at the other end of the train and shout every intimacy of your forth coming arrangements so all can hear.
No well this is what a lot of people do the equivalent of on channell 16.

I know alot of people give every detail of their lifes on tube trains via their mobiles and i have a support group for them Mobile Overusers Rabbiting On Northern Sections (MORONS)




<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>if guinness is good for you. i must be very very good</font color=red>

 

[Twister_Ken]

Which reminds me

Of the philosophy student who missed his mum's funeral becase he was too busy revising.

His Dad accused him of putting Descartes before the hearse.

I thank you!

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[Aja]

I know the one. I get a bit hacked off when she is not on duty.

She's so pleasant as well. waht a sweet girl.

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[Aja]

I know the one. I get a bit hacked off when she is not on duty.

She's so pleasant as well. what a sweet girl. it was a gruff Yorkshire accent this weekend.

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[claymore]

There's a wee elfin of a thing at Stoorrrrnoway who I think will probably look exactly like Halle Berry from the sound of her voice.
She could share my clooties any time!

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
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[sailbadthesinner]

claysie man yer dreamin
issa rare tall clydesider with someone haedin his tackle tight tae fool yous in tae thonkin some braw lassie is yon coastie

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>if guinness is good for you. i must be very very good</font color=red>

 

[claymore]

Sailbad
Youse is revelling in domestic bliss jes noo - dinnae burst ma wee bubble.

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Claymore
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[sailbadthesinner]

well aah wis revelling in tha boozer last nicht
mrs sailbad was later wheeling yon big dod o wood aboot ma heid when gai'd hame

the nicht a'm tae mow the lawn and wheek oot the thistles o'ma perrenials

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>if guinness is good for you. i must be very very good</font color=red>

 

[sailbadthesinner]

Re: Which reminds me

audience rises to standing ovation

<hr width=100% size=1><font color=red>if guinness is good for you. i must be very very good</font color=red>

 

[ParaHandy]

Ah've hid a brainwave .................. can we not sing together a specially composed song - the forum song on Ch16. I would offer my own adaptation of the engineers song but won't be offended if you turn to our verra own poet laureatio Andrew (jimi) Motion whose name, I thought, would be most appropriate. Nonetheless, my own song would be useful with a descant or two ... a lead vocal with the chorus would do fine. Whadaya think ....

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[claymore]

Wid ye like tae chant a few bars jes noo?

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
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[claymore]

Tae ra tune o Clementine.

Stornoway Coastguard, Stornoway Coastguard,
This is ra forum on 16
Can ye hear us when we ca ye
Fer a radie check we a' are dein.

Noo we Ken yer life is Borin'
when yer sat there in yer shack
an we widnae want youse lonely
or fer youse tae get ra sack

Sae we're callin, fer a check noo
though we really ken it works
but we never get a real chance
cos we stay here in ra docks

If ye'd answer, we'd be gratefu'
An we'll ca wi a' oor might
Cos there's guys here wi blue ensigns
Wha we ken gie youse the shites.

Fer oor ca sign fer this forum
we wiz thinkin Friar Tuck
Cos its easy wi phonetics
An we'd like tae try oor luck.




<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
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[Bejasus]

Ha, ha, ha.................See you pal, yer aff yer napper..................../forums/images/icons/laugh.gif

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[tcm]

Re: Forum Song

spookily, it scans beter with "Solent Coastguard" instead of Stornoway. Anyway, i'd better get on and learn it...

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[Twister_Ken]

Effete Southern version

To the tune of hello Mudder, Hello Farder

Hello Solent, Solent Coastguard
We've wound the volume right up hard
It's the forum Scutllebutters
And we hope we've rattled your coastieguardie shutters

Can you hear us, please say you hear us
On our frightfully fancy radio
Can you hear, please say you hear us
It should work from Knightsbridge all the way to Rio.

It's from Harrods, dear old Harrods
Cost a packet, we can tell you
It's from Harrods, dear old Harrods
It's amazing what the ponces there will sell you

Uses volts, and amps and watties
Isn't sold to boating Scotties
Made by Bangladeshie kiddies
Sells for rather more than a thousand British quiddies

DSC and frightfully high frequencies
Gold buttons and platinum numbers
Parses Latin in twelve tenses
Wakes our lovers from their after-dinner slumbers

So were calling Solent Coastguard
Because we know you appreciate quality
We could have sent a postcard
But a call causes far, far more Solent jollity.

Channel sixteen, everyone's listening
Down below, the set is glistening
We really don’t want to bug you
Can you hear us, say yes, we'll come and hug you.

Take it back, take it back, dear Sandy
Take it back, no one's responding
The Solent Coastguard lady's randy
She's just too busy fondling
A set that's got more class
In glass
With crystal knobs and isn't sold to yobs
From Chelsea and Belgravia
Who sail around in Swans, not plastic from Bavaria

Take it back, take it back, dear Sandy
My heart is broken and I need a shandy
Please forgive us, the good ship Gay Daze
And we wish you many more exciting maydays.



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[claymore]

Brullyint - nae mair

.

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
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