Parrots

[jimi]

I wish to be a proper seafarer, anybody know where I can get a parrot and what's the best kind to have? I understand I also need a special jacket so it can stand on my shoulders .. do they sell 'em in the Army and Navy?

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[Evadne]

If you want a parrot you'll also have to have your left hand amputated and a Kenwood dough hook attached, one leg removed below the knee and replaced with a sink plunger as well as one eye poked out. To become a proper sailor you may alternatively grow a beard, smoke your old socks in a pipe and take up the singing of sea shanties and/or the playing of an accordian. In either case you will have to learn how to drink rum.
Personally, I'd recommend starting with the rum drinking bit and only move onto the other stages when you feel you've fully mastered the technique. I've been trying for years and I still don't feel I've quite got the hang of it.

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[milltech]

A few years ago my brother and I were about to set off across channel and my wife did some last minute packing for me. At some point in the early hours it got chilly and I went to my stuff for a Guersey Sweater only to find the wife had stitched a soft toy parrot to the shoulder!

<hr width=100% size=1>John
<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.allgadgets.co.uk>http://www.allgadgets.co.uk</A>

 

[Twister_Ken]

Lovely story. John, thx!!!

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.writeforweb.com/twister1>Let's Twist Again</A>

 

[AndrewJ]

I had one, a nandayus conure, a noisy, messy dirty beast, wouldn't talk, but would sit on my shoulder and
bite me on the neck as well as mess down the back of my coat. the happiest day was when he flew off,
before I decided to drown him/her.

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[bigmart]

Have you considered any alternatives. I was leaving the boatyard last week when I spied a guy with a small dog in the appropriate position. Not a bad idea really especially when you consider that it won't have better diction that you after a suitable application of the falling down water.

Martin

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[BarryH]

Why does John Cleese spring to mind!

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[Badger]

I have a great parrot called Martin from St Martin.We put him on his perch in the saloon of our Oyster 485 and he was a good indication of sea state /weather when you came on watch (he was a stuffed toy).

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[longjohnsilver]

I've got one to spare, let me know size and colour required and I'll send it to you by air mail.

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[StugeronSteve]

He'd get a bit heavy on the shoulder on a long passage!

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[Mudplugger]

Let not your northern ancestry misguide for the sake of a few pence...Gieves Sir.GIEVES....Not army&navy!

<hr width=100% size=1>Tony W.

 

[Heckler]

am being serious now jimi so no taking the mick

angola 1977, hey mister wanna buy a parrott? african grey called jacko, cut a long story short, me and caterpillar air filter box containg said jacko on air italia luanda to rome, half way thru flight, pissed off, thirsty and hungry jack starts to gnaw thru box, frantically tapeing paper books to box while sloshing water and food in at top parrott still gnawing at side, get to rome ok, rome to london they still havent cottoned on and parrot now v subdued, get to london and officialdom stirs, got him into country ok but BA decide he must go in hold, threaten death on them if they lose him or kill him after all this. manchester me and baggage handlers jumping over conveyors etc trying to find him, success and finally after 2 days in caterpillar box jacko arrives home to dads house wher he is ensconced in the biggest finest parrot cage you have ever seen, years roll by and said parrot is taught by old man to talk and swear etc etc, one day decides to escape, is caught by neighbours and put in lidded bucket and rspca called, rspca lift lid to sight of beady eyed parrot looking at him with head on one side mouthing "bastard", dad, thats my bird!
years roll by and one day dad says when i pass on will you look after parrot? now having been bitten by the son of a bitch and having young children in the house have no wish to become proud owner, tell him to sell it, bugger me he got £700 for it , turns out that as the years have passed, said parrots are no longer allowed in or with great dificulty and are now worth brewsters, jacko is now with new owner still shouting "bastard" every where at the ripe old age of 26 plus,
stu
ps he used to sit on your shoulder OK but not only did he sit he also did something else and thought ears were popcorn!

<hr width=100% size=1>http://www.beneteau-owners-association.org.uk

 

[MainlySteam]

With this and the cat thread (and me!) everyone will start thinking the MainlySteam machine is a floating zoo!

We have a cockateil and he sometimes comes for "holidays" on the boat - and actually spent 9 months living on board with us some years ago. Unlike the cat, the cockateil thinks the boat is a great place to be with all the motion, falling off his perch in big waves, etc; but draws the line if we are in a marina and he is hanging out on the boom and a passer by says "Ooooh look at the big budgie on that boat". Gets a squawk of disgust every time.

So Jimi, from a seafarer with a parrot (albeit a smaller variety) to a seafarer without one, go get one to go with the rum. There, I've done the parrot bit, I'll leave the others to the real fun of amputating your hand and leg.

John

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[NigeCh]

Cat-stirrer !!!!

I don't think that babies, cats, dogs or any non-contributing crewing thingmebobbies have any place aboard any boat that has serious intention of going offshore.

Jimi, IMO, you're talking out of your arshole.

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[claymore]

Very good. Very traditional.
They taste like chicken so I'm told and most pleasant with cauli flambe

<hr width=100% size=1>regards
Claymore
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[MainlySteam]

And cat tastes like rabbit. Livestock on board is very important.

John

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[ParaHandy]

dae ye no think a macaw wid be mair appropriate fur oor jimi ... ?

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[claymore]

Re: Cat-stirrer !!!!

That was very rude of you Nigel and also very innacurate. I've heard him talking out of there and its no-where near as sensible as this post

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Claymore
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[jimi]

Re: Cat-stirrer !!!!

I also was quite taken aback at Nigel's rudeness. He obviously has no idea about offshore sailing if he so lightly dismisses the value of a parrot. Imagine the comfort of a friendly voice during the long night watch in the midst of the vast heaving ocean, the inestimable worth of the gentle reminders as to accurate pilotage when approaching long forgotten shores and not least the faultless simulation of the voice that reminds you why you're there in the first place.

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[chas]

Appropos

Little old lady had a parrot. It had a red ribbon round one leg and a blue ribbon round the other. A visitor asked why. Old lady said "if I am feeling down, I pull the red ribbon and he sings me a nice cheeful song which cheers me up. If I am a bit excited, I pull the blue ribbon and he sings a sad lament which calms me down".
"Oh" the visitor said "what happens if you pull them both?"
"Fall off my bloody perch" said the parrot

I know - you have heard it already.....

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