Par lay voos?

[Brian_B]

We're off to jolly French land next week. I know most of it used to belong to us English and has for a while been occupied by foreign types who speak some illegible language.
So, I'm looking for helpful hints on addressing these garlic crunching chappies to keep them in order, make them tow the line and appreciate the superiority of the English seafarer.

 

[Sans Bateau]

They will claim not to understand what you say, just speak loudly and clearly and you should be understood. If you can speak with a sort of French accent so much the better.

 

[Oliveoyl]

A couple for starters:
No thank you - allez vous faire foutre
Oh heck - putain

 

[Poignard]

Good God, man! You're surely not going to address them yourself are you? Get yourself a first-class major-domo and let him deal with them.

 

[canalcruiser]

If you sail the west coast or med the population is about 90% British that have escaped the Blair nightmare state.
If you intend to pass through the canal network you will meet an odd French person or two,they are more freindly than the British,unless you have a bigger more expensive boat than the other Brit then you may be economicaly acceptable.
In which case you might be offered a small cold bottle of "33" or "kronenbourg"Both have H2SO4 added to make your mouth water.

Unless you bring your own supply of Frey bentos and Spam you will be forced to eat dreadful unhealthy French food such as Salad fresh tomatoes fruit fish (sardines are 3€ kg)and if you forget to stock up on bier you will only find good wine that can be tried untill you buy or cant get accross the passerel!

 

[duncan]

[ QUOTE ]
They will claim not to understand what you say, just speak loudly and clearly and you should be understood. If you can speak with a sort of French accent so much the better.

[/ QUOTE ]

you forgot to add - "and slowly"

 

[LymingtonPugwash]

Clearly the most important thing is that one can order ones afternoon cuppa clearly....... so firstly you need to know the word for 'waiter' = 'corshon'...... so now, you can clearly ask in perfect foreign jaw: "Corshon?!! Unay cuppa char silverplate monsewer".... they will be amazed at your command of their johnny foreign jaw jaw!

Needless to say, the tea may be substituted for beer or any other drink also, remembering that they don't waste their time with pints over there, only litres.
/forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif /forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif /forums/images/graemlins/smirk.gif

 

[Genie]

Essential phrases for any Blighty chappie dealing with Johnnie Foreigner:

Excusez-moi, garcon - j'ai choisi des frites (excuse me waiter - I ordered chips)

Etes-vous inne, peut etre? - (Are you inbred by any chance?)

Si vous etiez deux fois plus intelligent, votre seriez encore stupide - (if you were twice as clever you would still be stupid.)

Belle nichons! - when greeting a lady.

Frappe le singe sur mon tete - when greeting a police officer

Excusez-moi, mais mes pantalons sont au plein du fromage - Excuse me where is the nearest chandlery?

Ruisselez-vous ou avez-vous la Rage? (are you dribbling or do you have Rabies?)

Have fun - I know I will in a week when we are back to La Belle France!

 

[Brian_B]

I will of course carry a sharp stick to get their attention and a loud hailer to make sure they understand me!

 

[jezjez]

Arrive in France and have a 3 course lunch with a couple of bottles of decent wine at practically any small restaurant for a reasonable price and then try saying that.
Les touristes anglais!

 

[Lakesailor]

I find that always slightly speaking backwards as being German you would, helps.

 

[canalcruiser]

The stricter drink and drive (cars) regs have put back the free good wine on the lunch table.You can drink the white with the starter red with main course and white again with desert then red with the cheese all for 6 to 8€ wine and tap waters included.
You wont need to say a word just point or say "oui" to everything the waitress asks you.

 

[Sailfree]

We may take the mick out of them but its where many British have escaped to live out the rest of their lives and enjoy a better lifestyle and where many like me choose to spend our holidays at every opportunity.

Good Food & Wine and Marinas at affordable prices - how do the French manage that when we can't?

 

[Sgeir]

Just say "Je ne suis pas anglais. Je suis écossais." That should help.

 

[Sea Devil]

Just remember that the French are stupid, garlic eating, beret wearing cowards.. Surrendered to the Germans at the first sign of danger. The country is full of peasant farmers wearing clogs, riding bicycles with strings of garlic round their necks.

They are clearly an inferior race to the English - just remember that upstart Napoleon and how we gave him a taste of British steel - they don't like it up em!!

their plumbing is ridiculous and antiquated and they cannot even make a cup of tea properly... Basically a stupid, tone deaf, out of date load of idiots...

To communicate with them just shout loudly and when that fails give them the finger... Works for me!

 

[Sailfree]

Bet you live in a nice place and are popular with your neighbours!!

 

[Slow_boat]

Just try to sound confident and say in a loud voice 'I say, Johnny Forigner chappy, come here'

Let us know how you get on. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[SolentWight]

[ QUOTE ]

Unless you bring your own supply of Frey bentos and Spam you will be forced to eat dreadful unhealthy French food such as Salad fresh tomatoes fruit fish (sardines are 3€ kg)and if you forget to stock up on bier you will only find good wine that can be tried untill you buy or cant get accross the passerel!

[/ QUOTE ]

Sadly they smoke so much and leave so much dogsh!t everywhere, you will probably not be able to taste any of the food, but fear not - as France is mostly inhabited by muslims, you can always get a decent kebab! /forums/images/graemlins/ooo.gif

 

[SolentWight]

[ QUOTE ]

Good Food & Wine and Marinas at affordable prices - how do the French manage that when we can't?

[/ QUOTE ]

56% income tax?

 

[Jezlyn]

All I know is that the French refer to the foresail as the "foq" (or some such). Always a cause of amusement.