Motor Boat Chat Show Flag, Burgees.

[tcm]

***HOW TO ORDER BURGEES***

1 Send hlb(= haydn) a Private message (PM) saying orlright I'll have one. DON'T
just respond to one of the posts saying oh go on then, cos it's too hard to findem all in amongst these posts.

2. hlb replies to your pm to say oright send cheque to (his address details). It's first come first served at the point the cheque turning up. So prps put it in a red envelope in handwriting that looks nice so he'll open yours first. It's probly gonna be £15 quid cos we forgot bout the VAT.

3. It's probably gonna be best for you to send a stamped addressd envelope (a4 ish) with your name and address. This way hlb's wife Tutt can just send the stuff off without fiddling on the puter seeing who's what, or writing out a million addresses.

4. Later, the burgee turns up at your house. Nobody cept haydn knows where all the burgees are, and he'll have lots anyway, aned he won't have typed out any addresses (cos you sent an sae) so it's all nice and private. And he's in Altrincham or somewhere miles away anyway.

5. If he hasn't enuf burgees yerl have to wait for some more to be made, depending on how it goes. Or he'll rip the cheque up so t'wont cost you anything and v decent chap anyway.

 

[tcm]

Trooping the Colour

ooh. ok, but no cheques written with little betting-shop pencils.

 

[ParaHandy]

Mafia

Shortly after hlb gets EU grant, a large black maria with black tinted windows rolls up at the burgee factory. Out of the car step several snappily dressed swarthy characters wearing very dark sunglasses who look intently around. With a nod, the back door of the limo is opened and out steps a little fat geezer wearing homburg with his dark coat over his shoulders. He stands for a moment flicking the crumbs off his suit and shoots his cuffs. Hlb greets him and the conversation goes something like this:

Fat git: hooo..da..hell…youthinkyouare..eh? you know who I am, eh?
Hlb: errr nope
Fat git: I grow alla olives in italeee
Hlb: soooo
Fat git: well you flooding my market with olives
Hlb: (looks blank)
(fat git snaps fingers and minion hands burgee to fat git)
fat git: you taking the peesss..loooka here (podgy paw points to olive on burgee). How da hell da they grow in this godawful climate (as manchester drizzle starts)?
hlb: but they’re cloth
fat git: I no care whicha variety you grow…...you doing too many and you getta money from EU, is less for me
hlb: but they’re bluidy cloth (clutches lapels of fat git’s suit and points, bodyguards stiffen and their hands slip inside their overcoats)
(fat git ponders for a moment)
fat git: you mean to tella me that you get money from eu for drawing peectures of olives? I needa sheeeet.
(serene smile covers hlb’s face as he nods his head and draws fat git towards THE toilet…………….

 

[tcm]

Re: Mafia

brilliant again. I hope you are some sort of professional scribe.

 

[ParaHandy]

No 124

Whassa record for these things?

If supply limited (of burgee) s'pose could offer a wee bit extra...say fiver?

 

[hlb]

Re: Mafia

Oh heck. and I thought it was a cherry in the glass.
Back to the drawing board.
Back to the story.
Now Haydn suspecting that some trouble might be brewing. Because of his recent take over of world trade, totaly taking over the market for boat burgee's at a stroke. Had been priming the toilet for a few days now, ready for the show down. Carefully letting off small amounts of the deadly gas inorder not to get the eventfull expectancy at the wrong time.
Fat gitt had squeezed into the bog but not before Haydn had wipped in to give it a final charge. Fat gitt sat on the toilet and let out the remains of the curried petsa that he'd had the night before. Well this was to much for the holding tank and it let off a mighty roar. Blowing the fat git off the bog and pinning him to the ceiling with the enormous force.
The fat git screemed and shouted. In Italian for quite a while.
And spitting out bits of toilet roll as well. It was hard to tell what his problem was. Locked behind the door.
Haydn shutt down the valves on the holding tank and fat gitt landed on the floor in a lump. Pleading that we could have all the olives, and the EU grant as well. Haydn made him promise to let us have the flag market as well, including the Italian navey and the UN flags to.
So they all lived happily ever after. The End.

Haydn

 

[tcm]

Re: auctioneers

this thread is way beyond other records as far as I know.


So you mean auctioning up the price? I wd've thort they cd buy enuf, and with having the orders in view already (i hope? sent a pm to hlb?) then he shoiuld be able to give go-ahead to the right number plus a few. Also, ordering more wd not be a prob.

 

[BarryH]

Re: Most disapointed

I would have thought this thread would have hit 130 posts before it disappered of the page!!

 

[hlb]

Re: Most disapointed

We are trying hard Barry.

Haydn

 

[longjohnsilver]

Does this help? NM

.

 

[longjohnsilver]

Worldwide flag shortage!

Tried to order some flags from a small place down in Plymouth only to be told that some northern git had cornered the whole market, reckoned he would be busy for months fulfilling overflow orders. No time to help plonkers like me, biggest order this side of christendom, far too important to miss!

There that's got you to 130!!! That'll be a pint please! <G>

 

[hlb]

Re: Does this help? NM

Thanks underpants. You've saved the day. And you've bought a flag as well. They just dont make them like they used to do.
Do they.

Haydn

 

[jfm]

Jeezzz Margeurita

ROTFL!

"Petsa" is an all time classic!

 

[tcm]

Re: more help

The monster post was about to disappear! How awful.

 

[ArthurWood]

Re: yes yes

Thought purple was your colour of choice

 

[tcm]

Re: yes yes

contrasting fluorescent green, with purple witll be v sophis. Maybe.