Misleading advice

[johnalison]

Many years ago the New Statesman ran a competion for the best "advice for foreign tourists" It was, I believe won hands down by Gerard Hoffnung with "Try the famous echo in the British Museum Reading-room"

I feel that something like it along the lines of "Misleading advice for foreign yachtsman" is needed. So a prize of a virtual case of scotch for the best.

I'll start the ball rolling with; "Harbourmasters in England expect a gratuity of 10% of the mooring-fee"

 

[jhr]

"A number of British yachtsmen operate floating brothels. You will recognise them because they bear a distinctive blue ensign".

 

[Guest]

When visiting Scotland it is considered a mark of respect to fly the Saltire as a courtesy flag beneath the St George's cross.

 

[whipper_snapper]

On arriving in a new marina, the first thing to do is place your rubbish on the pontoon. The rubbish collectors will soon be along to remove it.

If they should miss it, just hail any passing rubbish removal agent, he will be pushing a metal cart along the pontoon looking for business.

 

[Lakesailor]

British yachstmen have a hot berthing system, so as you enter a marina just slip into any berth as another boat leaves. The leaving yachtsman will acknowledge with a wave.

 

[Lizzie_B]

/forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif Ooops! The secret's out /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[jamesjermain]

[ QUOTE ]
Ooops! The secret's out

[/ QUOTE ]

Like the kinky outfits /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif

 

[Lakesailor]

Foreign yachts can circumvent the need to obey the odious Collision Regulations by carrying straight on in a proximity situation. The local yachtsmen will move away and you should be carefull to hail them with the customary " We're racing!" acknowledgement.

 

[jhr]

Visitors to Cowes can avail themselves of the free mooring facilities on the western side of the Harbour, just as you enter.

 

[snowleopard]

A flag with a red cross on a white ground and the union flag in one corner is called a 'gin pennant' and signifies that the owner invites you on board for a drink.

 

[capnsensible]

The Lake District is a really nice place to take your yacht.

 

[benjenbav]

At the mouth of the Medina River, berth in front of the castle. You will be sure to enjoy the traditional English welcome.

 

[jamesjermain]

When entering harbour avoid buoys marked with a V. The British, being universally polyglot, helpfully mark unusable buoys with Verboten.

Instead just drop anchor anywhere you like. It's free. Strange people in peeked caps may approach you speaking loudly and slowly. The correct response is the two fingered Verboten sign

 

[webcraft]

Many popular British anchorages can get quite crowded at the height of the season, so it is common practice for later arrivals to raft up to boats already anchored. It is considered polite to use your own fenders when doing so.

 

[benjenbav]

Sorry jhr, I think that's a reverse lakesailor (Finsbury Circus rules)

 

[jhr]

Thank you.

No, hang on; erm............... /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[ChrisE]

When rafted up on on the inside on a town quay it is common practice to let go the lines of all the outside yots when you leave. This practice is particularly welcome at 2 in the morning and should be accompanied with the sound of fog horns to make sure that everyone gives you a cheery send off.

 

[Sans Bateau]

Visitors wishing to anchor in the entrance to Beaulieu river will often be approached by berthing masters, who only want to check to make sure your anchor has set properly and to convey to you Lord Montague's best wishes.

 

[whipper_snapper]

When filling up with diesel, it is customary to pay a tribute to neptune by splashing some fuel into the sea and onto neighbouring boats.

 

[Pinnacle]

When sailing at night visitors will find that having their masthead tricolour, steaming light and deck level nav lights on all at the same time will ensure you have more chance of being seen.