JOTD aka Friday Humour

[tr7v8]

This caused groans in the office, but since no one else is havin a go!

A man goes to the doctor and says: "Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom."
The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.
The man asks, "Is it serious, doctor?" and the doctor replies,

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>WAIT FOR IT!
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>I'am sorry to tell you but this is just the tip of the iceberg."

 

[COG]

IF MEN WROTE PROBLEM PAGES

This was the best Joke Email ( as a male ) I got this week !! ........................
> >
> >
> >Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
> >
> >
> >A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is
> only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best
friend.
> Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not
> get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still
> apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you.
If
> you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a
nice
> meal while you think about it.
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> >Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
> >
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> >A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your
> skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral
> sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to
> do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice
meal.
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> >Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
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> >A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The
man
> is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out
> chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more
> peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your
relationship
> better than the man being away for a day or two (it is a great time to
clean
> the house too!)
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> >Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable
> home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best
> friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
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> >Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
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> >A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with
it
> >do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to
> videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a
> birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and
cook
> him a delicious meal.
> >
> >
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> >Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep
> without giving me one.
> >
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> >A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to
cook
> him a nice meal.
>
Have a good weekend... COG

What do you mean...... It was working when I left

 

[paulineb]

What's E.T. short for ?
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so he can fit into his spaceship

Pxx

 

[dave36]

Re: IF MEN WROTE PROBLEM PAGES

IT'S saturday now, no make that sunday, what the hell---------
Why does a cow always look pissed off?
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She got woke up early, had her tits sucked for an hour or more!
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and no-one thought to give her a stiff one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[firstspirit]

It is Friday so I thought I would give it a go.

A very fussy rich woman (that's how I was told OK!) takes her budgie to her local vet, thinking that it may be dead. She loves this thing like nothing else, she will be heart broken if it is dead.

She asks the vet to carry out an examination imediately to find out the news and the vet, who's thinking of his end, bill, makes a big song and dance, going up and down the table, elaborately looking for any form of life in the budgie. Eventually after about half an hour, even his conscience thinks enough is enough, so he sets about telling her the bad news. "I'm afraid your budgie is dead madam"! "No it can't be". " I demand a second opinion", says the woman.

Off goes the vet in search of a second opinion. Thinking this woman is absolutely crazy he goes to the waiting room and gets a dog that's waiting to be treated. In comes the dog and the vet. The vet sits down and the dog jumps up on the table next to the budgie. Then the dog looks at the budgie, has a sniff, looks at the vet, shakes its head sideways, gets down off the chair and leaves the room. "Your budgie is dead", says the vet. "NO, No it can't be", says the woman, "I want another opinion".

The vet thinks she is taking the preverbial so off he goes to the waiting room again only this time he collects a kitten. In comes the vet and the kitten, the vet sits down, the kitten jumps up on the table next to the budgie. The kitten takes a sniff of the budgie and then proceeds, in a trance like state, to look up and down the full length of the budgie about six times. Finally the kitten shakes it head sideways, looks at the vet and then leaves the room. "Your budgie is dead", says the vet. the woman is mortified...............................(feel sorry for her then everybody say ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!)

The woman collects her poise and asks for the bill.

"That will be 220 quid", says the vet. "220 Pounds, thats an awful amount of money, how do you account for that?", asks the woman.


The vet replies,




"Well...er... the 20 quid is for my services.....................................











and the rest is for the LAB REPORT and the CATSCAN!".



Well I did say I would give it a try, now you lot, if you can read this drivel you can also read my recent posting (Qualified or Not, What Would You Do?) and give me some of your views for free! If I do not hear from you then I may be back every Friday!

Regards,

Firstspirit

 

[Robin2]

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual checkup.

The doctor asks him how he's feeling and the 86-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like yourself, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

The 86-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped the bullets into that beaver."

The doctor replied . . "My point exactly."