Isn't it sad when a close friend dies and

[Greenwichman]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

Becky - my first wife died in an accident at sea in our boat in the Med in 1979. It seemed like the end of the world at the time - and in some ways it was. But someone I did not know wrote to me and simply said: 'you may not think it right now, but things do get better'. I believed in that - not least because I did not know the messenger - and it has turned out to be true. Try it, your friends and colleagues will help, too.

 

[BrendanS]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

Becky, Irish traditional wakes have a lot to be said for them. You celebrate them and their achievements, their faults, and funny moments, and those indescribable things that only someone close to them can understand.

Do you have any shared friends, people who you both know, as this would probably be a good time to call them, as they are probably going through the same as you, and would like to exchange thoughts?

I'm not surprised at the reaction your post has elicited, as I've seen it before here. When a forum member has problems, everyone closes ranks and helps, and all the horseplay and banter disappears for a few moments

 

[mirabriani]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

Becky I can sympathise.
My son had a friend, Dave, cheeky, but likeable.
His parents gave him a hard time. then they moved away.
He used to visit and, although we sent him home, he used to reappear
early next morning. Later we found he slept rough.
Dearheart could control him, he would try hard not to upset her and frequently apologised for little.
He would walk in and say "Sorry Barb" before doing anything wrong. He would address me "Hello P" (I fondly imagined this was short for
"Pa" but later found it was his abbreviation of "P brain")
People used to think he had a death wish. He thought no one liked him.
He committed suicide over a girlfriend, using my hosepipe connected to his car exhaust.
Hundreds of people came to his funeral. His parents could not understand why.
Hardly a day goes by without one of us being reminded of him.

I do hope so many people's condolences help you cope.
Regards Briani


P Brain) and on

 

[Cutter]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

Sitting here with tears running down my face. Mum died just before Xmas and Dad not coping well. Planning the service and trying to make it fun is hard. Hadnt really let myself mourn 'til this thread started.
Mum was not a sailor - came out once and enjoyed it watching Solent racing but this thread is more than sailing. Feel privilaged to 'know' you lot.
Thanks for being brave enough to start this thread.
Richard

 

[powerskipper]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

Something will remind you of that person, a word , a phrase, a place, an action , just remember them and think yourself lucky to have know and shared that time with them.
Death creates a void in your life where that person would have been, It can never be filled by another and you would not want it to, but it can decrease in size with time, but they will alway live on with you in your memories.So enjoy the memories.
Time does heal.

 

[starboard]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

Likewise Becky we lost a good sailing friend last year...take heed,mourn his death but more than anything celebrate his life...hopefully it was a long and happy one...and take your peace and rest assured he will now be sailing in a place that the warm breeze blows at an ideal F4 and never forward of the beam.

Good luck,
Paul.

 

[BrianJ]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

Now that Brian , would be hard to cope with.....
A lot of us dont realise how lucky we are that our children have all grown to be achievers and reached their goal...
Yep a prayer at bedtine tonight wont go amiss for your son's friend " Dave"....................... chin up
BrianJ

 

[mirabriani]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

Yeh! This has brought back so many memories.
Dave used to come on trips with me when between jobs.
In London a favourite trick was at a busy junction,
He would get out and hobble slowly across the road
holding up all the traffic. I would then pull out and drive
across the road. Of course he would then run along
and jump back in!
Even the victims thought it amusing.

Fortunately, most of my memories of him are similar
and bring a smile.
Regards Briani

 

[ColdFusion]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies

I lost a dear friend in 1999 in a mid-air collision. It happened before my eyes so it was all the more graphic and difficult to deal with. Although that day will be with me forever, at least now I can look back and remember the happier times too.

Time can be a great healer but my thoughts are with you at your time of loss.

Bill

 

[janeK]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies

Reading this thread has bought a big lump to my throat and I feel for you at this time.

One thing for sure when you least expect it - probably whilst sailing in a situation that you might have previously experienced together - you will think of your friend and a special smile will come to you thinking of those warm treasured moments that you shared and no one can take that away from you.

 

[dralex]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

What lovely insightful supportive replies from everyone, and also some words of wisdom which I hope people don't mind if I take on board. It's heartening to see so many genuine responses.

Very sorry Becky.

Alex.

 

[aitchw]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

Yes, Becky, it can hurt like hell and the pain and sadness is unique to each of us.

We are all mortal and can only hope we will be remembered with affection.

Your memories will be different from those of others even of the same events.
Treasure them, they are yours alone.

Howard

 

[Becky]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

It is awful to loose a parent. My Mother died suddenly last July. I found it very hard for a while. I dug out all the pictures of her I could find, especially the ones with her and my sons. It helped to see her around. Felt like she was still there. I remembered the good times we had together, then we went sailing down the West Country. She was Cornish, from Mevagissey. As we passd the harbour I could see all the places I knew as a child. That was a hard time for me. But as people have said, time softens the blow. You never forget; she will live on in your memories. I am sure Mum is still with me for as long as I survive, and it is very comforting.
It starts to get easier after the funeral. When you have said goodby.

 

[claymore]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

Hmm
Well my Dad was under our bed for quite a while as he didn't really say where he wanted scattering. Anyway I popped him in the garden after much deliberation and he seems to have done wonders with the Victoria Plum crop.
In life he was quite keen on Dahlias but my Mum hated the earwigs - funny old relationship - she wasn't too keen on him taking snuff either.

 

[tugboat]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

When your friend died, he left behind people who miss him and who feel their lives were enriched for knowing him? That has to be a great legacy. I hope I'll be that fortunate when I pop off.

 

[BrendanS]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

I withdraw my earlier comments. Shame on you, It was a lovely thread about grief and coping with until now. Start a new one if you disagree

 

[Peppermint]

Re: In truth

it's a natural progression as you get older you experience the sadness more often until you know more dead people than living.

The real sadness for me isn't about the dying it's about the order of things. Sure watching granny slip away is very sad but it's got a rightness to it. It's watching granny, or any parent or family, cope with the loss of a son or daughter that shows the real hard blade of grief.

I'm quite matter of fact about death. I'm a product of my up bringing, were the grim reaper was a fact of life and were I've absorbed a certain fatalism from living in other countries, but loosing your friends is loosing bits of your life that you were comfortable with.

It's trite but they really wouldn't want you to remember them as dead people. I know I'd rather be remembered for the git I am than for my going.

 

[claymore]

Re: Isn\'t it sad when a close friend dies and

Do you think I don't miss my Dad?
He died on 20th April 1988 - it was a Thursday and he slipped away at 18:10 - it was a bright spring evening and a light went out in my life. My way of coping with that loss was to keep his ashes and its only around 5 years ago that I faced up to the decision of what to do with him. I won't be leaving this house so he'll always be around just by the plum tree - I talk to him when I'm talking to myself and sometimes he helps out with an answer.
My answer was not frivolous - it is the answer of someone who somwhere down the road has found a way of coping with a loss.

 

[snowleopard]

wakes etc...

when my dad died he left some money to the local pub to hold a party in his honour. we turned it into a wake and hired a jazz band. it turned the post-funeral gloom into a cheerful(ish) occasion that we will remember fondly for many years.

on the other hand my business partner who had a strange sense of humour specified the music for his own funeral. there was an atmosphere of shock when the curtains of the crematorium closed to the tune of 'wish me luck as you wave me goodbye'.

but thank heaven for the variety.