How can I find a mature lady to come sailing with me?

Hi ColinGH,
http://www.hoeoca.org.uk/
I've met some sailors from this club.
I know it's west midlands, and miles away from Leeds, but it is a sort of virtual club I think, from memory. They may own a boat or too as well.
I see a social section which I have not explored yet, as I was quite surprised to see that I had remembered the name of the club from years back, perhaps meeting them in Scilly.
link:http://www.hoeoca.org.uk/
Going back to have a look now!
Good luck in your search, and glad to hear you are healthy, as this is a problem with my crew presently.
 
Many thanks.
I've contacted the Heart of England Sailing Cub, asking if they can help.
Colin.

paulclan said:
Hi ColinGH,
http://www.hoeoca.org.uk/
I've met some sailors from this club.
I know it's west midlands, and miles away from Leeds, but it is a sort of virtual club I think, from memory. They may own a boat or too as well.
I see a social section which I have not explored yet, as I was quite surprised to see that I had remembered the name of the club from years back, perhaps meeting them in Scilly.
link:http://www.hoeoca.org.uk/
Going back to have a look now!
Good luck in your search, and glad to hear you are healthy, as this is a problem with my crew presently.
Click to expand...
 
7htas said:
Maybe sell up, and downgrade to something more manageable?


Dating websites are pure hell. I am 40 years younger than you, and they have done little for me. That being said; I've only ever used the free ones; (plenty of fish)

On inspection, that lovesail seems to be the right kind of place for what you're looking for; but, I'd be cautious of parting ways with your dosh for it.

Online dating.....*cringe*
Click to expand...

On the face of it, I would be inclined to agree with your comment, but my son has met the most delightful new partner thro internet dating. They are both recovering from disastrous partners & understand the value of mutual support. It is a joy to see them together.

So do not write the idea off, just treat it with caution.
 
Searush said:
On the face of it, I would be inclined to agree with your comment, but my son has met the most delightful new partner thro internet dating. They are both recovering from disastrous partners & understand the value of mutual support. It is a joy to see them together.

So do not write the idea off, just treat it with caution.
Click to expand...

No, I suppose I shouldn't. I guess I'm a little cynical.

It seems the OP is getting some help anyway!
 
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We have a long time friend who is a very loveable person and generous to a fault. She has been let down too many times in return for her nature.

We have sailed with her quite a lot of times and dived also.

I'll pass on your post and the rest is up to you!
 
Hi Colin

I read your original post in the Crew section and thought you sounded lovely. You will never replace your original First Mate and perhaps you are not seeking to. Can I suggest you take it slowly and if your primary interest is to find someone to go sailing, don't dismiss a similarly minded male friend. That way you can just be yourself, not trying to 'impress' a lady and have a chum to natter away to while you begin to come to terms with what is obviously a lonely time in your life (that is how it came across to me).

Just from observing boats coming into the marina, the 'couples' are usually tense & on the verge of a punch up and the 'old buffers' (sorry) who have come in from a sail look relaxed & happy, having put the world to rights.

Bring the boat back to the UK and start sailing regularly. The rest will come :)

Di
 
Searush said:
On the face of it, I would be inclined to agree with your comment, but my son has met the most delightful new partner thro internet dating. They are both recovering from disastrous partners & understand the value of mutual support. It is a joy to see them together.

So do not write the idea off, just treat it with caution.
Click to expand...

I met my wife - whom some on here have met - through internet dating. Of course be cautious; but I can assure you that it works. As an example of how take precautions, my wife contacted the minister at my local church to ask if I was who I said I was; I did an internet search to see if she was involved in the lines of scientific research she said she was. We laugh at it now, but at the time, a degree of caution was appropriate; she was in Hong Kong and I was in the UK. There ARE people out there looking for advantage in these situations, so it pays to take care. And, of course, avoid the "russian wives" kind of thing! Reputable agencies usually have strict rules of conduct, and lots of advice as to how to protect yourself.

The great advantage is that if you stick to more traditional ways of meeting people, your choice is likely to be restricted to your existing social circle. You probably already know whether there's anyone you're interested in that that group of people. Otherwise, you may be introduced to someone by well-meaning friends, who probably don't know you as well as they think they do. Internet Dating potentially brings you into contact with people from all over the world.

Finally, don't look for someone who is a duplicate of your late wife. It is a NEW relationship; it is not the old one again. A new friend or partner isn't the same person, and should be given the dignity and respect of a new relationship - not an old one revived and prolonged.
 
WestWittering said:
Hi Colin

I read your original post in the Crew section and thought you sounded lovely. You will never replace your original First Mate and perhaps you are not seeking to. Can I suggest you take it slowly and if your primary interest is to find someone to go sailing, don't dismiss a similarly minded male friend. That way you can just be yourself, not trying to 'impress' a lady and have a chum to natter away to while you begin to come to terms with what is obviously a lonely time in your life (that is how it came across to me).

Just from observing boats coming into the marina, the 'couples' are usually tense & on the verge of a punch up and the 'old buffers' (sorry) who have come in from a sail look relaxed & happy, having put the world to rights.

Bring the boat back to the UK and start sailing regularly. The rest will come :)

Di
Click to expand...

Thats pretty much where my head is at too. Get the boat back to the UK, choose a sailing area that is popular with a choice of sailing clubs to give you every opportunity to join new social groups and sail with others. The rest will come :-)
 
colingh said:
Thanks for the quick replies.
I'd never heard of the lovesail web site, so joined just now and found five pages of ladies. Sadly, they all live south of Oxford whilst I live on the Pennines above Leeds.

There is a lot of mutual trust needed when sailing, and that needs to be built up prior to casting off. With 250 miles between me and the majority of ladies on the Lovesail web site, building up trust is not practical.

Nor is selling my home and moving to the south coast.

Any more suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Colin.
Click to expand...



Maybe you should contact David of Mersea he seems to have a edge with women, might have a spare
 
Di,
Thank you for your kind e-mail. As you say, I'm not seeking to replace my wife - I'm not that shallow. You are also partly correct in guessing that I'm lonely. Or will be when the sailing season starts and, for all that I can single-hand sail apart from mooring the boat, I definitely don’t want to do so on my own

You are entirely and utterly wrong about there being any tension between my wife and I, either at home or when sailing. I'd never heard of PMT when we got married, but a fortnight later did discover that her personality could change into that of a spiteful harridan. Fortunately, I'd noticed the moon when I stopped off at the local park on my way home from work the next evening so I could cogitate on the wisdom of marrying her if she was going to be just as horrid when I got home. She was. Two days later she was utterly apologetic for being so horrid. The moon was again in the same place when, a month later she was again utterly unpleasant to live with and I again stopped my car in the local park to review my doubts about going home to a have another big row with her. Two days later apologised. Those two days were the last slanging matches we ever had, as a month later I noticed that it was again a 3/4 moon as I drove home, I just ignored her bitchyness. My lack of response meant that she apologised even more profusely when she’d recovered from the PMT.

Perhaps 18 years ago we took our 22ft trail-sail boat into the sea-lock of Shotley Point marina. A minute or so later a large yacht, possibly 35ft or so, came in behind us, going much too fast. The man in the stern was panicking and shouting assorted instructions to the woman stood on bows, but mainly he screamed at her “Fend off you silly cow!”.

I commented to my wife that it was a wonder that the Silly Cow didn’t just climb up one of the ladders on the lock wall, and leave him to sort out his own mess. The incident prompted me to come to the conclusion that if I want to claim to be a good skipper, then I must accept that everything that goes wrong is my fault, and there is nobody else to blame. This meant that if took the boat into a difficult mooring place where I couldn’t see the space between boat and jetty or pontoon, my wife was perfectly free to shout back cheerfully from the bows “This silly cow isn’t going to jump.”

Therefore there was NEVER any tension between us when entering a harbour or doing anything else on the boat. The only negative emotions were those of feeling pissed-off when we couldn’t get the anchor to hold, and perhaps had to try for a second or third time.

I tried to use words to describe my attitude to being a good skipper when saying that I’m looking for a companion to come cruising with me. I don’t want to sail with a bloke because, like most men, I’m happy to live in a pig-sty that would be unacceptable to the sort of lady I’d like to travel with. Simple courtesy would give me a reason to make the effort to live in a more civilised way. When I’ve seen two men on a boat, I’ve felt uncomfortable about their attitude to alcohol, but know I could all too easily succumb to evenings drinking too much.

I hope this expansion of my personal views is relevant. As to your suggestion that I bring the boat back to the UK, I would ask “How do I do so without another person on board?” Added to which, I can’t afford UK marina fees. (I only pay €940 to have the mast removed in September and watch the boat being put onto a massive cradle that gets moved into a large secure boat-storage building, where it then spends the winter 7 months under a dust cover. The boat simply does not ‘age’ in the same way as boats stored on hard-standing in the UK do for several times the storage cost.)

Thanks for your interest in my problems.

Colin.

PS : Re your opening comment :
'I read your original post in the Crew section and thought you sounded lovely.'
Thank you.
 
Colin,

your has been a refreshingly honest thread, and it's a subject which one way or another affects many people.

I send my hearty best wishes for your success in finding a companion, I'm sure she's out there !
 
Hi Colin

I didn't mean to imply for a moment that there was any tension between you & your wife - either on the boat or at home - mine was a general observation regarding couples on the South Coast - some of the ladies there can be a touch 'sensitive' (and I include myself in that description)...... And the gentlemen sailors don't seem to be boozers - more a half pint of bitter & a nice pipe!

Anyway....

I sincerely wish you the best of everything in your quest to improve your social life - it will happen. In the words of Mr Micawaber - "Something will turn up" and on the credit side you have confirmed that you have lots of friends on here.. so invitations will flow I am sure :)

Sincerely

Di
 
Di,
Thanks for your message.

When sailing in British waters, I've talked to blokes who sail single-handed and almost to a man, they mention that their wives don't like sailing with them. There seems to be a fair number of such wives, which long ago caused me to wonder why a woman who liked/loved a single handed sailor won't go sailing with him. After buying their home, the boat is probably the biggest financial drain in their lives, and the wives get no joy from the expenditure.

I came to the conclusion that such men are unaware of the fact that inexperienced people can feel distinctly nervious on a yacht when it begins to heel. If the bloke dismisses such a worry expressed by his wife as being trivial and unimportant because he's having a good time working the boat hard, his wife has a problem. Being inexperienced, she may be unsure of what needs to be done to stop the boat heeling, but even if she does know that letting the main sheet out a little will stop the boat heeling, she faces having an arguement.

Few people like arguements, especially when in a situation that they feel they have no control over. So rather than put herself in a position of having to remain silent about her wimpish fears, the wife simply avoids the situation and declines to get on the boat.

One reason my wife was always happy to go sailing with me was that she knew if she felt uncomfortable about the way the boat was behaving, she only had to mention it, knowing that I'd do my best to eliminate the problem. She didn't like the boat to heel too much, and felt free to complain if it did do so by more than about 15 degrees.

You mention that 'two old buffers' seem to have no problems with sailing together. I suggest that they are comfortable doing so because they have an agreed degree of heel and tolerance for beating into the wind etc. In my case, I knew that it was best to plan on a course that didn't involve too much tacking, where 'too much' was a bit more than one every fifteen minutes or so. Short tacking along a curved channel is tiring for the person working the genoa sheets, and having somebody lean forwards from the steering stick to help her is an unpleasant reminder for a woman that she is not as strong as a man. Using the engine eliminates the topic of equality.

I've claimed elsewhere that I like to think that I'm a good skipper, and as such allow for working the boat in a manner that the weakest crew member feels safe and has an enjoyable passage. If the weather is such that the weakest person won't be entirely happy, then the boat stays in the harbour whilst things of interest on the land are sought out.

Colin.
Its better to be in here, wishing you are out there, than be out there and wishing you were in here.
 
Colin,

it's VERY true that a lot of wives don't like sailing, and my girlfriend of 10 years doesn't.

At my club there is a very nice lady who has a good boat of her own, her husband doesn't like sailing - I can always tell where she is by the cloud of blokes paying attention, I'm sure they mean well but I'd think it must be a bit of a pain for her.

I have instructed a lot, and have sailed with a lot of novices, I am very aware of how it feels to be out on a boat one cannot control 'if anything happens' to the owner / skipper.

I took an old ( male ) school chum out for a weekend once, and it blew up contrary to the forecast giving us a very lumpy ride home, friend was not enjoying it so I suggested if he could take the Monday off we could retire to peace in Cowes, an idea he grabbed with both hands.

As we listened to the radio while motoring up the Medina, a traffic report came on, " 4 mile tailbacks on the M4 ".

Chum looked up, " Lucky B******ds, I'd love to be in a traffic jam ! "

For that reason I make it a priorityto show new crew the engine controls & sheets, and when possible get them to do a man overboard practice; this boosts their confidence and enjoyment considerably, no-one likes feeling helpless.

As for couples on boats, my favourite was also at the Folly, upriver from Cowes; as a small cruiser approached the boats already on the pontoon, nervous looking woman on the front, seagull engine blaring, the 'skipper' yelled above the engine - oblivious to us, a small group of yotties chatting - " For Christs' Sake Look Natural ! "

I would suggest if you can avoid that approach, let your companion be at the helm and throttle / sheet while you pull up the anchor, and get her to feel she can handle the boat, you are more than half way there...
 
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When you find someone to sail with, what about swapping roles every so often, she takes the tiller and you work the winches?

I sail single handed in my own boat, but occasionally I sail with others, but when Im used as a winch monkey, and end the day with aching arms and shoulders, I dont sail with them again!
 
Chrissie said:
When you find someone to sail with, what about swapping roles every so often, she takes the tiller and you work the winches?

I sail single handed in my own boat, but occasionally I sail with others, but when Im used as a winch monkey, and end the day with aching arms and shoulders, I dont sail with them again!
Click to expand...

Chrissie,

at least they don't pat you on the head then ask you to cook !!! :)
 
Hi Colin,
I'm a German sailor's wife and sometimes read here. Your post touched me in one way as it remembered me to some advertisements in German sailing magazines, but in the opposite way when a left woman wants to sell the boat of her husband. Good that you don't give up to find someone - I'm sure she is out there, you "only" have to find her... Want to advice you maybe to post in a German sailing forum - as your boat is captured in the Baltic - , for example www.segeln-forum.de, category "Mitsegeln". In English is ok! There you can find interested people who are looking for a possibility to sail - also woman! And if you should decide to bring your boat back to the U.K. you will find sailors in the forum to go with you. Just an idea... Where is your boat in the winter storage at the Baltic Sea?
Best regards,
Vikinggirl Ingrid
 
Hi Colin........ since swmbo read the thread I'm now in danger of losing her.... to you!

If I can give you some advice when she makes contact...
*she likes bigger than 28' hence we went from a Twister to a Tradewind.
*she likes heating, hot water and a shower.

At least there seems a plethora of females who wish to sail in S.Oxfordshire from what I read in your posts.

Good luck, whichever way you deem to wish it. ;)
S.
 
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