How can I find a mature lady to come sailing with me?

[maby]

Try Findacrew

I misread that initially ! ?

 

[OceanSprint]

Colin. That is an amazing story. I am glad for your good health. Thanks for sharing. I hope you have many happy sails.

 

[Saguday]

Well done Colin, just seen this for the first time and read it front to back this evening. I'm sure it will all work out

 

[Seajet]

Hi Colin,

great to hear from you, and even better to hear your medical hassles are over.

Re your ladyfriend on the Folkboat, at the risk of repeating myself from a few years ago, did she ever get the controls like sheets - in a crude way, engine on, throttle -gears and VHF explained and given a go ?

In my experience with crews of all sexes and ages, it's feeling helpless which puts people off.

Same reason as when taking novices dinghy sailing it's extraordinarily easy for them to get a real fear / phobia about The Capsize; I learned the answer to that was, very early on in a student / girlfriend's sailing career, after theoretical drills, to capsize deliberately in the right place and conditions - when people learn it's not instant nasty death but actually a dunking and a laugh then carry on, they take to sailing.

Same with ladyfriends on boats, it's the being out of control, like you or I suddenly finding oneself in the cockpit of a Starfighter, which is very often the bother.

I also found a calm night at anchor in good company, if only chatting into the small hours listening to the wildlife, counts a lot more in the long run than an impressive logbook.

All the best Colin,

Andy

 

[Oldfellah]

I misread that initially ! ��

:encouragement:

 

[NOHOH]

Thank you for your long and detailed reply, Colin......and so glad you have just not `given up`. Food for thought for many of us.

Best Wishes

 

[ghostlymoron]

I'd like to find a mature lady to sail with but I think my wife might object.

 

[PowerSlapper]

I'd like to find a mature lady to sail with but I think my wife might object.

Well just don't tell her.

 

[zambant]

+1 lovesail
Its free to look around and about £40 for lifetime membership if you choose to join
Fair winds

 

[Jock89]

''However, in the case of finding a congenial companion, honesty of the 'warts and all' policy does not seem to be the best policy.''
Colin

Definitely not a good idea. If we all did that we'd NEVER get a Mate.
Rest assured, while you're being candid & up-front about everything...she isn't.! Women never are, as they learn how to put on an act at their Mothers knee.
Ask me how I know.

 

[Seajet]

I have had some rough experiences too, but also through my own stupidity missed out on great ladies, I can see now.

I prefer to see and / or hope for the best in people, as the alternative is just too grim; meanwhile Colin, if you find the answer to your original question, please PM me first so I don't get trampled in the rush !

Good Luck,

Andy

 

[WestWittering]

Is it time yet for another update or am I 3 years too early?

 

[Seajet]

Is it time yet for another update or am I 3 years too early?

Depends who you're talking to !

I'm still looking but no great catch at the moment if ever.

 

[Seajet]

Is it time yet for another update or am I 3 years too early?

Depends who you'e talking to !

I still need at least a sailing companion, but am in no great shape at the moment.

 

[colingh]

Is it time yet for another update or am I 3 years too early?

West Wittering has made a valid comment about the need for up-dating my original posting. ‘Life goes on’ is an applicable comment. As is ‘You can’t go back’. I enjoyed the Baltic cruises, but eventually accepted that it is not possible to return to roaming amongst the high latitude islands of the Baltic during long summer days and nights that seldom get truly dark, and brought the boat back to England. Geography, as in being closest to my home, and not navigational considerations, meant basing it in Lowestoft. The lack of anywhere to go sailing to from there within a single tide meant putting to sea with one eye on the clock because of a bridge that only opened at fixed and infrequent intervals.

The boat is now based in a marina on the River Orwell, opening up opportunities to reach all sorts of places within a single tide. Why limit myself to a single tide? The answer is simple; I sail alone and feel that it’s better not to be overly ambitious. By the time the boat is anchored, or moored in a marina, it can be a long enough day.

Obviously, I would enjoy having company on board, but life can seldom be perfect and for as long as the wind blows free for any fool to use it, this fool will want to use it.

 

[Daydream believer]

Well you could have my wife-- for a fee-- but be aware that i cannot afford to pay you much:ambivalence:

As for your sailing, may I suggest that you need to start thinking differently. Having sailed the areas that you have it is clear that you have experience. Hence, you need to re think your approach to single handed sailing. There are loads of places within reach of your base & if you sail a day & rest a day you can sail a long way in a short time. Dover & Boulogne, Dieppe etc are easy to get to & you can cruise the French coast which is easy to navigate.
I am sure that you can leave your friend for 2-3 weeks every so often & sailing SH can be enjoyable if you want it to be.
Have you thought about going somewhere & getting your lady friend to come & join you for a weeks holiday on the boat in a port- ie St Peter Port (you can get there easy in 10 days via Boulogne, Dieppe, Le Havre, Cherbourg) or Ostend (1 days sail & lots to do when you get there) Traveling somewhere with an aim can make the journey more interesting.
You can get to the Dutch canals & then she could join you & you could just motor around the place all the way to Amsterdam. I am sure that even a non sailor would enjoy visiting some of the beautiful towns on the way
That way you can spend time sailing there & she gets a holiday with you using the boat as a caravan.
My wife & daughter often meet me in various places for a couple of days or more. They have no interest in sailing, but I get to sail, they get to spend my money.

 

[colingh]

Thank you for your quick reply.

I positioned my boat in a River Orwell marina for precisely the reason you mentioned about ‘targets’ reachable from there by sailing with a single tide flowing in the direction I want to travel. The only exception being reaching Calais because it’s better to use two tides, or more accurately use two halves of successive tides. The first half being departing Ramsgate at the end of a falling tide, which carries a boat south down the Gull Stream that flows between the Goodwin Sands and the Kent coast. The objective is to arrive where the South Goodwin lightship used to be located just when the rising tide coming up the Channel gets there, providing a boost for eastwards passages. Access to the Calais marina, but more relevantly the times one can depart are at far from handy parts of the tidal cycles, as it the inconvenience of waiting for ages for Port Control to admit that there is a gap in the frequent movements of ferries when wanting to enter or leave the harbour. Having got the eastward boost from the start of the rising tide, sailing on to Dunkirk East may mean that it only take a little longer to finally fetch up moored safely.

I’m uncertain where you got the idea from that I have a friend who I could leave for 2 or 3 weeks whilst I single handed sailed the boat to a location where said friend could use road or rail transport to get to the same location and use the boat as a holiday cottage. It is a nice idea, but it presupposes that I have such a friend who lives with me. I live alone and, perforce, also sail on my own. I like to think that I am a courteous skipper and could be agreeable company, but as yet have not met anybody.

The RYA runs all sorts of courses, but I wonder if they should also provide a short course leading to a certificate for people to be a ‘Competent passenger’ on a sailing boat. It would widen the number of people who could enjoy sailing. As it is, I suspect that a lack of knowing what to expect and may be expected of a ‘Competent Passenger’, leaves people apprehensive enough to decline an opportunity to travel on a yacht.

Well you could have my wife-- for a fee-- but be aware that i cannot afford to pay you much:ambivalence:

As for your sailing, may I suggest that you need to start thinking differently. Having sailed the areas that you have it is clear that you have experience. Hence, you need to re think your approach to single handed sailing. There are loads of places within reach of your base & if you sail a day & rest a day you can sail a long way in a short time. Dover & Boulogne, Dieppe etc are easy to get to & you can cruise the French coast which is easy to navigate.
I am sure that you can leave your friend for 2-3 weeks every so often & sailing SH can be enjoyable if you want it to be.
Have you thought about going somewhere & getting your lady friend to come & join you for a weeks holiday on the boat in a port- ie St Peter Port (you can get there easy in 10 days via Boulogne, Dieppe, Le Havre, Cherbourg) or Ostend (1 days sail & lots to do when you get there) Traveling somewhere with an aim can make the journey more interesting.
You can get to the Dutch canals & then she could join you & you could just motor around the place all the way to Amsterdam. I am sure that even a non sailor would enjoy visiting some of the beautiful towns on the way
That way you can spend time sailing there & she gets a holiday with you using the boat as a caravan.
My wife & daughter often meet me in various places for a couple of days or more. They have no interest in sailing, but I get to sail, they get to spend my money.

 

[sailaboutvic]

@colingh
Just to shine a little light your way .
I sailed for many a years solo after my two left home , even did one of my biscay crossing on my own in 2009 as I was Just about to bring another boat to the Med to do another stretch as a full time liveaboard, spend my last night in my home harbour in Suffolk I happen to log onto the net to catch up with sailing friends on a sailing site when I happen to come across a lady looking for crew to sail on her boat in Holland , some weeks later she joined me for a few weeks sailing in Portugal, moving on 30000 miles and nine years later we still sailing to gather and living our dream , so you see there is hope , just don't give up.

 

[Daydream believer]

I’m uncertain where you got the idea from that I have a friend who I could leave for 2 or 3 weeks whilst I single handed sailed the boat .

Apologies. I took it from post #60 that you had actually met a female who you liked but who did not like sailing much. I did not realise that this partnership was no longer valid. I should have read the posts thereafter properly.

 

[Spirit (of Glenans)]

Di,
Thanks for your message.

When sailing in British waters, I've talked to blokes who sail single-handed and almost to a man, they mention that their wives don't like sailing with them. There seems to be a fair number of such wives, which long ago caused me to wonder why a woman who liked/loved a single handed sailor won't go sailing with him. After buying their home, the boat is probably the biggest financial drain in their lives, and the wives get no joy from the expenditure.

I came to the conclusion that such men are unaware of the fact that inexperienced people can feel distinctly nervious on a yacht when it begins to heel. If the bloke dismisses such a worry expressed by his wife as being trivial and unimportant because he's having a good time working the boat hard, his wife has a problem. Being inexperienced, she may be unsure of what needs to be done to stop the boat heeling, but even if she does know that letting the main sheet out a little will stop the boat heeling, she faces having an arguement.

Few people like arguements, especially when in a situation that they feel they have no control over. So rather than put herself in a position of having to remain silent about her wimpish fears, the wife simply avoids the situation and declines to get on the boat.

One reason my wife was always happy to go sailing with me was that she knew if she felt uncomfortable about the way the boat was behaving, she only had to mention it, knowing that I'd do my best to eliminate the problem. She didn't like the boat to heel too much, and felt free to complain if it did do so by more than about 15 degrees.

You mention that 'two old buffers' seem to have no problems with sailing together. I suggest that they are comfortable doing so because they have an agreed degree of heel and tolerance for beating into the wind etc. In my case, I knew that it was best to plan on a course that didn't involve too much tacking, where 'too much' was a bit more than one every fifteen minutes or so. Short tacking along a curved channel is tiring for the person working the genoa sheets, and having somebody lean forwards from the steering stick to help her is an unpleasant reminder for a woman that she is not as strong as a man. Using the engine eliminates the topic of equality.

I've claimed elsewhere that I like to think that I'm a good skipper, and as such allow for working the boat in a manner that the weakest crew member feels safe and has an enjoyable passage. If the weather is such that the weakest person won't be entirely happy, then the boat stays in the harbour whilst things of interest on the land are sought out.

Colin.
Its better to be in here, wishing you are out there, than be out there and wishing you were in here.

But it's a good idea to have practised short tacking, against the day you are navigating a narrow channel against the current with an inoperative engine.