Help! Getting over the fear of sailing.

[jdc]

What works for one person won't necessarily work for another, so take our, and especially my, suggestions as only that: suggestions.

But I'm not sure I agree wholeheartedly about taking a course. It seems that there is implicit in this some striving for a 'right' way of doing things, and/or for doing everything to perfection. Sailing is a practical pass-time, and perfection is neither attainable nor the goal, nor would any 2 people agree what it constitutes anyway. Like playing cricket or sewing; mostly it goes ok, some things are sweet, sometimes you drop a catch or the thread snaps - ho hum.

What I suggest is for you both to do things slower and deliberately and systematically search out techniques which you find least stressful - sod what the books or courses say. Remember that almost anything on a sailing yacht happens at a walking pace with hundreds of metres of space around you, so there's no problem just stopping for a while. In the example you gave of rolling away the jib, how about not putting the engine on, or at least in gear, until it's all done? No stressful steering etc, just take your time. The boat might have drifted all of 100 yards in this time, hardly a big deal. You've probably got 30 minutes to spare and could even put the kettle on while just drifting - try it!

This experimenting together should be (i) confidence building, (ii) rather good for relationship building as it's a shared project and both will be learning, and (iii) will teach you as much as or more than a formal course would anyway! If you must have external instruction, consider own-boat tuition for you both as a team. Tell the instructor that you want to learn low-stress methods, not 'approved' or, heaven forfend, racing manoeuvres. It's probably cheaper as well as it need only be in small, eg half day, chunks.

 

[alant]

What works for one person won't necessarily work for another, so take our, and especially my, suggestions as only that: suggestions.

But I'm not sure I agree wholeheartedly about taking a course. It seems that there is implicit in this some striving for a 'right' way of doing things, and/or for doing everything to perfection. Sailing is a practical pass-time, and perfection is neither attainable nor the goal, nor would any 2 people agree what it constitutes anyway. Like playing cricket or sewing; mostly it goes ok, some things are sweet, sometimes you drop a catch or the thread snaps - ho hum.

What I suggest is for you both to do things slower and deliberately and systematically search out techniques which you find least stressful - sod what the books or courses say. Remember that almost anything on a sailing yacht happens at a walking pace with hundreds of metres of space around you, so there's no problem just stopping for a while. In the example you gave of rolling away the jib, how about not putting the engine on, or at least in gear, until it's all done? No stressful steering etc, just take your time. The boat might have drifted all of 100 yards in this time, hardly a big deal. You've probably got 30 minutes to spare and could even put the kettle on while just drifting - try it!

This experimenting together should be (i) confidence building, (ii) rather good for relationship building as it's a shared project and both will be learning, and (iii) will teach you as much as or more than a formal course would anyway! If you must have external instruction, consider own-boat tuition for you both as a team. Tell the instructor that you want to learn low-stress methods, not 'approved' or, heaven forfend, racing manoeuvres. It's probably cheaper as well as it need only be in small, eg half day, chunks.

Cannot entirely agree.
There are some things, even in cricket/sewing, that cannot be altered by a participant & going on a course, usually shows students the 'best/better/easiest/safest' way of doing something.

 

[WilliamUK]

For thousands upon thousands of years, sailors learned their craft on boats, with other people, and never once saw the inside of a classroom and never once had to draw a schematic of a sail with wind-arrows curving around it.

RYA courses are brilliant, but they do have a tendency to overdo the theory when in reality almost NONE of it matters on the water. In my many, many times sailing a dinghy and few times on big boats I have never once thought about what the airflow is doing as it passes over the sail. Rather I look at the shape of the sail and action of the telltales and take the appropriate action. Even that's somewhat unnecessary if you're not trying to keep sails in racing trim.

If you do go on a course, expect to have your eyes glazed for you at some point or other. They really can get a bit dull.

Even something as simple as tying a bowline can be overcomplicated by the RYA approach. My first sailing course involved boats and sailing with no formal qualification at the end. No bother. My second was RYA Dinghy L1 and I could NOT get the hang of the bowline because they would not shut the hell up about rabbits, trees and holes.
I can tie a bowline blindfold now (though I did forget how to do it on a foredeck just a few days ago) but only by learning with ordinary people on their boats... not by being on a course with a proper way of doing things.

I'd still sooner cut down the tree, fill in the hole and pop the rabbit in the pot though. Rubbish analogy.

 

[KellysEye]

>If either of us wants to reef, wimp out, go somewhere else, stay in port, then that is what we do, and the other one accepts the decision without argument, however wimpish! On the other hand, if one wants to rig more sail, shake out reefs, go further etc, then we both have to agree. It's second nature now.

I don't think that's wimpish at all if you are coastal sailing who wants to go sailing in strong winds, we never did in the UK. When we went long distance sailing it's different you take what comes along and after getting experience in a few gales it becomes normal, you just reef and carry on there is nowhere to stop.

In fact a gale becomes quite enjoyable, in shallow water the seas are dreadful in a gale, big and short period, and best avoided. In deep water the waves are beautiful with a much longer period and light blue crests, you get hooked on watching them for hours coming up from behind. Every wave is different at a slightly different height and angle and with a swell running in the same direction it's even better because the height increases, a cross swell is a nightmare.

 

[alant]

For thousands upon thousands of years, sailors learned their craft on boats, with other people, and never once saw the inside of a classroom and never once had to draw a schematic of a sail with wind-arrows curving around it.

RYA courses are brilliant, but they do have a tendency to overdo the theory when in reality almost NONE of it matters on the water. In my many, many times sailing a dinghy and few times on big boats I have never once thought about what the airflow is doing as it passes over the sail. Rather I look at the shape of the sail and action of the telltales and take the appropriate action. Even that's somewhat unnecessary if you're not trying to keep sails in racing trim.

If you do go on a course, expect to have your eyes glazed for you at some point or other. They really can get a bit dull.

Even something as simple as tying a bowline can be overcomplicated by the RYA approach. My first sailing course involved boats and sailing with no formal qualification at the end. No bother. My second was RYA Dinghy L1 and I could NOT get the hang of the bowline because they would not shut the hell up about rabbits, trees and holes.
I can tie a bowline blindfold now (though I did forget how to do it on a foredeck just a few days ago) but only by learning with ordinary people on their boats... not by being on a course with a proper way of doing things.

I'd still sooner cut down the tree, fill in the hole and pop the rabbit in the pot though. Rubbish analogy.

The fundamental difference between dinghy sailing & "big boats", should be clear then. You can, get away with doing things on a dinghy, that, because of the size difference, would be foolhardy on a big boat. There is no RYA method, simply methods that are known to work safely (most of the time) that can be passed onto relative beginners, who then are able to practice, with some confidence. Even the Einsteins among us, started off learning their 'times tables'.

 

[prv]

never once saw the inside of a classroom and never once had to draw a schematic of a sail with wind-arrows curving around it.

I don't think either of those things happen on Comp Crew or Day Skipper courses.

Pete

 

[jdc]

Cannot entirely agree.
There are some things, even in cricket/sewing, that cannot be altered by a participant & going on a course, usually shows students the 'best/better/easiest/safest' way of doing something.

I did put my suggestion quite tentatively, so possibly we don't disagree that much, or that strongly anyway. But the bit I hoped someone would highlight is "search out techniques which you find least stressful - sod what the books or courses say."

That's because it has two aspects: the foreground meaning 'learn stuff', and the background meaning 'by finding it out for yourself'. Were the OP's question to have been "how do I advance my knowledge as rapidly as possible" I'd be more wholeheartedly in favour of standard courses. But how to gain confidence is perhaps not quite the same as how to gain knowledge, and the 'finding it out for yourself' aspect might be important.

 

[charles_reed]

I used to find diazepam and/or "rusty nails", very effective for my wife.

 

[alant]

I did put my suggestion quite tentatively, so possibly we don't disagree that much, or that strongly anyway. But the bit I hoped someone would highlight is "search out techniques which you find least stressful - sod what the books or courses say."

That's because it has two aspects: the foreground meaning 'learn stuff', and the background meaning 'by finding it out for yourself'. Were the OP's question to have been "how do I advance my knowledge as rapidly as possible" I'd be more wholeheartedly in favour of standard courses. But how to gain confidence is perhaps not quite the same as how to gain knowledge, and the 'finding it out for yourself' aspect might be important.

How, is someone fearful of sailing & with little knowledge, going to do that, without someone else mentoring?
"standard courses", are simply a track to run along, with any decent mentor/instructor, adjusting accordingly, for a individual needs/ability. Courses are not, blinkered fixed in concrete, regardless of who might be the recipient.

 

[Fox Morgan]

go on a training course (comp crew)
go crewing on a racing boat, the sheer speed of everything and exhilaration will blow you away
go dinghy sailing
get some own boat team tuition for you and your partner with a decent trusted sailor or instructor.

then learn to helm your boat. like a pro. If there's two of you, one male one female, generally the male will be able to handle sails and physical tasks more quickly/easily and the female on helm is a great combination.
I mostly sail two handed and being a single female skipper, I often have complete novices or non sailing mates on board. The best place for any nervous newbie is on helm usually. It gives a greater sense of control and is generally less dangerous than winching or manhandling sails when the wind gets up.
With nervous sailors I usually reef very early. Building them up gradually if possible.

Another real confidence booster is the sea survival course. It teaches you all the niggling things that could be very scary if you had to do it the first time without practice. most people will never have to abandon ship, but to have practiced it will give a level of confidence you wont find any other way.

Also, the more miles you do, the more you practice, the better it gets.

on a boat, when there's any kind of anger expressed, it's usually founded in fear. Fear leads to hate. (sooner or later) and that's when women abandon sailing as a bad idea and leave their partners to go sailing alone.
If you can eliminate most of your fears through careful practice and training, then any snappy angry moments will be few and far between. And down the line, you will be glad of the efforts taken now.
Sailing is very rewarding. Its a very healthy past time and lifestyle. It's also very sociable and keeps you young.