Friday Fun

[GeorgeP]

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2003 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£40,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price get it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £750,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer £700,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you."

MAN: "Bye, I love you too."

The man hangs up.

The other men in the changing room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

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[drawp]

Re: Friday Fun on Saturday

Now Boys Pay Attention............

THE HORMONE WARNING:

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the
month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and
he takes his life in his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a
driver's license in the wallet of every husband,
boyfriend, or significant other!


DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty quid.
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Have some more chocolate.


Remember: Money talks....But Chocolate sings.


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[ColdFusion]

These are things people actually said in court, word for word (apparently), taken down and now published by court reporters.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
----------------------------------
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
----------------------------------
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
-------------------------------
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
-----------------------------------
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
-------------------------------------
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
---------------------------------------
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
-----------------------------------------
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
---------------------------------------
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
--------------------------------------------
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
-----------------------------------------------
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
-----------------------------------------------
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
----------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an Autopsy.
---------------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.


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[oldestgit]

Brilliant lads......

Its a long time since I've sat in a room on my own laughing like the village idiot.....

Well done .... More please.

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[Sybarite]

Alternative ending

"Yes dear buy the house.

Now dear is it ok if I buy that Swan 68 at £2 million that I was telling you about?

Don't be ridiculous!

Well you started it.


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