First the good news

[byron]

<font color=blue>As one or two of you know I was diagnosed as having suffered a heart attack. Well after extensive tests finalised today it appears I haven't had one. The good part of being a heart attack victim... Obergruppenfuhrer Eileen was nice to me, made me special little dishes, kept popping into my study with cupsa coffee. It was great. Oh! Yes! my boat is now well and truly off the market.
Now the downside. Devil Woman is back, asked her for a cuppa to be snarled at and told "get it yerself" Of course the Vet nagged me and said I gotta give up smoking, eating, drinking and take exercise otherwise I would have an attack.



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[BrendanS]

Didn't know, but that's great news anyway!

As for Obergruppenfuhrer, well she's probably relieved, and being grumpy as hell is their way of showing it (I'm being generous here /forums/images/icons/wink.gif)

You can always have another 'attack' every so often when the coffee dries up! Have to be careful, wimmin are onto these tricks.

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[DepSol]

Glad to hear it. Whilst I am slightly upset that I wil not be getting my lawn tractor as soon as I had expected I am taking comfort in the fact that you will be around to buy lots more Soltron for a while at least.

All the best.

<hr width=100% size=1>Dom

2003 is going to be a good year for me

 

[oldgit]

Re: No mention there of giving up sex ?

NM

<hr width=100% size=1>Oooh look its still not dark and its nearly 5pm

 

[byron]

Re: No mention there of giving up sex ?

<font color=blue>Funnily enough he did mention sex, he asked me to stop having sex. I asked why, he said that he was fed up with having to share his wife with me.

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[longjohnsilver]

Hold on a mo, last time you were dieing it was with a cold, can understand how Eileen feels!

Miserable old b#####r, any excuse to keep the boat. ;-)

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[Trevethan]

Foolish man.... your first mistake was telling her you were feeling bad... Best course is to looked pained but bravely say you'll manage.. Offer to make tea coffee, cook and clean and in the midst of that sort of thing collapse, foam at mouth and so on...

Then when initially diagnosed say Darling the Dr's seem to think I have had a heart attack, let me get make you dinner. At this point a grunt or groan or two and little clutching of left arm while complaining chest is tight is helpful.

At this point mention casually that you had a dream the other night of owning/doing whatever you want that in normal circumstances she would laugh at or slice off your bits for making such a suggestion. A little more ragged breathing and chest holding works wonders.. At this point thinking that you are about to shuffle off mortal coil she will agree to anything.

Finally, when you see the Dr again and he diagnoses dodgy kebab the night before rather than heart attack, whatever you do don't tell. Instead make slow improvement and after 6 months give yourself clean bill of health saying the Dr says its unbelievable. He has never seen a recovery like it. Thank you darling your care attention and letting m,e buy the dream boat has saved my life. However be ready to revert to foaming, chest clutching etc at a mooment's notice if she asks you to do something like take the rubbish out or clean the kitchen.

And if my wife is reading this, I really did have that heart attack... umm really... the boat? well we did sort of buy it around that time.. and umm.. yes I know I haven't washed up for ages.. ahh my chest.. my arm.. hang on.. I'll do it... gosh it's getting dark.. I can see a bright light at the end of a tunnel and hear angels singing. Its so dark and cold now.. can't breath chest tight.. I am sorry I couldn't take out the rubbish... forgive me I. I... i LOVE YOU.... *guggling and breathing the way they do on ER just before they die*


Should poiint out that I am only 34, in robust health and do lots of housework, cooking, cleaning etc etc etc... honestly!

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[Artemis]

Consider taking his advice

Otherwise he might prescribe you medication that will do the trick for him!

Oh yes, I'm afraid you'll probably have to give up puppy pie too; chlorestorol levels and all that.

Generally you'll now have to ask yourself is it pleasurable? If yes, it's off the menu! Perhaps you should consider asking the forumites to set up The Byron's Pleasure Research Group to investigate exactly what you can now indulge in without damaging your health.

Artemis

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[Guest]

Hi Byron ! you had better change your user profile then? Sorry the guy I put in touch re your boat turned out to be rubbish. Oh! they have a 435 in Shepperton marina at present 129 k ish.

good news about the heart attack
Kind Regards
Rob

<hr width=100% size=1>robinwdunham

 

[pheran]

Good news, BUT...........I never realised you had a heart...../forums/images/icons/smile.gif

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[byron]

<font color=blue>He wasn't rubbish mate, it's just that his PX didn't interest me. The boat itself is A-OK but the engines he has means it is under powered... thanks for thinking of me.

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