DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

[sailorman]

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN\'S PERSONAL ADS

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

NOW SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND A WOMAN WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!

 

[Twister_Ken]

With apologies to Nina Simone

Oh, sailor man, where you gonna run to?
Oh, sailor man, where you gonna run to?
Oh, sailor man, where you gonna run to all on that day?

Run to the moon, "Moon won't you hide me?"
Run to the sea, "Sea won't you hide me?"
Run to the sun, "Sun won't you hide me all on that day?"

Lord says, "Sailor man, the moon'll be a bleeding."
Lord says, "Sailor man, the sea'll be a sinking."
Lord says, "Sailor man, the sun'll be a freezin' all on that day!"

Run to the Lord, "Lord won't you hide me?"
Run to the Lord, "Lord won't you hide me?"
Run, run, "Lord won't you hide me all on that day?"

Lord says "Sailor man, you should've been a praying."
Lord says "Sailor man, you should've been a praying."
Lord says "Sailor man, you should've been a praying all on that day.

 

[CodStewart]

Re: With apologies to Nina Simone

So true!
/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[davies]

Re: DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN\'S PERSONAL ADS

Women's No = Yes? Isn't that the assumption that date-rapists make??

 

[gandy]

Re: DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN\'S PERSONAL ADS

If a lady says "No" she means "Perhaps"
If she says "Perhaps" she means "Yes"
If she say "Yes" she's no lady