Boating Jonahs

[longjohnsilver]

We've all come across them, those people who only have to look at a boat to make it jinxed and those who are just plain stupid.

Everyone must have seen the idiots in their first speed boat launching with a decrepit old outboard and no safety gear and the boat designed to run on a lake with a couple of inches of freeboard, a quick blasst out of the harbour entrance, splutter splutter and then a tow back in, put boat back on trailer and advert in next weeks local rag.

I remember seeing a boat like that, about 16', go out with 3 people, almost no freeboard but engine not spluttering. They were never seen again, only 2 bodies recovered, seems that on their first trip they decided that the boat needed some ballast and the nearest heavy objects to hand were bags of cement!!!

Another story I remember was the new charter skipper who had a well found boat but got fed up of seawater sluicing through the scuppers and getting everything on deck wet, so he did as many have done before and put rubber flaps over them. One small detail that he missed was that all other boats had them on the outside to stop water coming in, not on the inside to stop the water getting out!!! The boat sank and I think lives were lost.

Now I come on to the Jonahs of this world. A recent example in our local port, a chap had problems with his engine in his sailing boat, not unusual, so he decided to change said engine. Whilst drilling holes for the new mounts, you've guessed it, a fountain followed. Annoying but not life threatening.

We also seem to have our own Jonah on this BB, we all know who he is, how many others have had to change 4 gearboxes, remove 20 gallons of water from diesel tanks, have exploding toilets and float switches to name but a few of the reported incidents <G>

What does one do to become jinxed, is there a god of the sea that has been upset in some previous life, or is it just a reflection of our personalities?

 

[DepSol]

We should create our own Darwin awards for boating maybe we could call it the Jonah award.

Dom

 

[byron]

Jonahs? Those weren't Jonahs they caused their own misfortunes. A Jonah is someone that need do nowt for things to go wrong. I am a Jonah around anything mechanical, if I even check open my engine hatch things go wrong which is why I have to get someone else to check oil & water for me.
A word to the wise, never carry Nuns on board, they are bigtime Jonahs, you never see any on my boat ;-)

ô¿ô

 

[ToMo]

Re: Our very own Boating Jonahs

Its all very well for you to laugh!....he's closer to my playground than yours,and he's a lot bigger 'n me!...so I better not say any more.
;-)
TôMö

 

[tcm]

I have a friend who did some welding under a car once, and the carpets went all smouldery. Alright, it was me.

 

[jfm]

Re: Car Jonahs

Did that in a morris 1000, only not welding, just too much catalyst in the fibrelass resin that was poured down the chassis box sections. Similar effect though.

 

[BarryD]

Re: Car (and boat) Jonahs

Once fitted a centre console in an Avenger - drilled straight through the brake pipe, when I drove home the brakes failed and I wrote the car off. Expensive trip to Halfords that was.

Boating Jonah - does blowing up an engine on a sea trial count?

Re: JFM and being a car Jonah - consider how soft BMWs are <G>

Barry D

 

[Guest]

I once rewired a Moto Guzzi which promptly caught fire the minute I pressed the starter button. Wasn't even my Guzzi...was doing it as a favour for a friend. Ooops!

 

[tcm]

Re: Bike Jonahs

Not your fault. I had Moto Veccia put electrnic ignition in my LM2 which I did despatch riding on for a while. Anyway, I left it running outside a shop, nipped in heard a crunch, nipped out, it had leapt into gear and fallen over, ooer flames, ran into shop, toldem to move the car, the shopkeeper said sod off it's my car my shop, so bike his car his transit went up in smoke.

Er, you didn't ever work for Moto Veccia did you?

 

[hlb]

Ah but!

I report the incidents, unafraid and undaunted. Its the ones that dont know whats happened or what they've done wrong, or how to resolve it. that I worry about.

Haydn

 

[Guest]

Re: Bike Jonahs

Those MkII Lemons were a liability, weren't they? But happily no, I never worked for Moto Veccia...although they were responsible for the centre main bearings failing on my Laverda Jota ("they all do that, sir"). And you DRd on a MkII Lemon??? Madder than I thought.

 

[longjohnsilver]

Good on you Haydn, this forum would be much duller without your reports, now we're all waiting for your dinghy story. Tell all.

 

[tcm]

Re: Bike Jonahs

nice and narrow, see. Can chase down Euston road in time with the lights, or used to be able to before 70mph limit er

 

[coliholic]

Oh all right then here's one for you. I think it falls into the <those who are just plain stupid> category.

We bought our first boat, Freeman 27 in early 96 and got it for a really good price. The hull had been badly hand painted at some stage of it's life and after the first summer's boating, decided that I'd have it professionally resprayed during the winter ashore so it would look the business the following season.

Early 97 saw me spending many pleasurable weekends rubbing down and filling and rubbing down and filling and getting the hull to a super finish ready for the profesional sprayer to do his job in early May. Now the boat was in the marina chocked up on blocks along with about 50 other boats and it just so happened that it was on the slipway 'cos that was the easiest place for me to make loads of mess and for all the crap to get easily washed into the river. Among the other jobs I was doing when it was too wet to work on the hull, was replacing the engine hoses 'cos they were a bit perished, so all the hoses were off and I left the seacock open to get a bit of ventilation round the engine bay.

Come the week before Easter and "the family" decide we're going to have a week in Tenerife, so we arrive back home Easter Saturday to be met with the awful storms and floods, if any of you remember.

Saturday afternoon I popped down to the boat to make sure everything was OK in my Las Americas shorts and tee shirt and the river was up about a foot. Nothing to worry about but definitely getting higher, so sod off home and change in to some proper winter clothes. Sunday morning at half past 5 the marina phoned me, "the river's come up a lot in the night and we think your boats about to float off". So I toddle on down to the marina and sure enough the boat's just about floating. Several other boat owners are there too and between us we get ropes on to it and as the river rises further, sure enough off she floats. No real problem, we just use some long ropes to the bank and me off in a dinghy to tie her up to a jetty. Drama over?

Now of course the hull is all nicely rubbed down ready for painting so there's no antifoul or waterline. After about an hour just standing around watching the flood get worse and rescuing other boats, my boat just doesn't look right. It seems to be a bit down at the stern, but of course there's no reference line so can't be sure. Another half hour of looking and muttering and "is it or isn't it lower" and I decide to go and investigate. So out in the dinghy, pull alongside, clamber on board and lift up the floor. And that's when I remembered about the seacock!

Shut off seacock, switch on bilge pump, get bucket and bail and in half an hour or so sanity has returned.

We were a bit lucky though. There's a glassed in bulkhead between the engine compartment and the cabin and the water was within 4 or 5 inches of going over the bulkhead, which would decidedly have been catastrophic.

Out of the whole exercise though, the thing that REALLY pissed me off, was the marina then charged me for another lift out so the sprayers could do their job. And they're not MDL.

 

[hlb]

Aha!
So it all comes out now. Your a closset Jonah. And heres me thinking your all experts and me admiring you like John Wane!!!

Haydn

 

[burgundyben]

ok, so its not boating related, but I did once poke a lighted match through the holes in the bottom of a petrol tank of a partly dismantled garden cultivator, the resulting blast singed off my eye brows, lashes and boyish fring etc, my long time buddy laughed so much he was sick. I was about 12 years old and have not done anything quite so stupid since....ok, maybe I have but I 'm not telling you lot.

Also, once crashed a Vauxhall Astra and then a Lambretta the following day.

Might take this opportunity to tell you that the 911 is still forsale......offers?

 

[Will_M]

Sort of a Jonah type thing...

Last year, middle of the Solent, nobody about, piss flat calm, drifting very slowly in the direction of home, my olds sailed head on into some bloody great big metal racing buoy/channel marker thingy!!!!!

Surprising how much damaged they managed to inflict on their poor old stick & rag boaty.

Still makes me laugh. ;o)

 

[petem]

Reminds me of a time (in my youth) when I was doing an oil change. Poured about five pints in and was suprised when there wasn't anything appearing on the dipstick. Looked down and the drive was covered in oil. I'd forgotten to put the drain plug back in! Funnily enough I was never tempted to do anything maintenance on the boat.