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---- Comprehending Accountants - Take One
Two accountancy students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second accountant replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first accountant nodded approvingly,
"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Accountants - Take Two
An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there.
The accountant said, "I like both."
"Both?"
The accountant replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to
the office and get some work done."
Comprehending Accountants - Take Three
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Accountants - Take Four
"An Accountant and His Frog"
An accountant was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week".
The accountant took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the accountant took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why won't you
kiss me?"
The accountant said, "Look I'm an accountant. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
-------------
What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't
understand.
-------------
What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
-------------
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an
undertaker.
-------------
What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.
-------------
What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
-------------
What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
-------------
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
-------------
There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count, and those who can't.
-------------
How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a roadmap the wrong
way.
-------------
What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.
-------------
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
-------------
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting
sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours
trying to find it"
<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.arweb.co.uk/argallery/forbsie?&page=1>My Project</A>
Two accountancy students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second accountant replied, "Well, I was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first accountant nodded approvingly,
"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Accountants - Take Two
An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there.
The accountant said, "I like both."
"Both?"
The accountant replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to
the office and get some work done."
Comprehending Accountants - Take Three
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Accountants - Take Four
"An Accountant and His Frog"
An accountant was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week".
The accountant took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the accountant took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why won't you
kiss me?"
The accountant said, "Look I'm an accountant. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
-------------
What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't
understand.
-------------
What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
-------------
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an
undertaker.
-------------
What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.
-------------
What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
-------------
What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
-------------
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
-------------
There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
Those who can count, and those who can't.
-------------
How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a roadmap the wrong
way.
-------------
What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.
-------------
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.
-------------
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting
sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours
trying to find it"
<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.arweb.co.uk/argallery/forbsie?&page=1>My Project</A>
)
