ChrisW
New member
Drinking and DrivingA Police officer had stopped a car and asked the man driving for his license. 'I don't have it with me,' he said. The man's wife thought to herself and said, 'No, honey, it's right here in the glove compartment.' The man just glared at her. Then the officer noted he had run a red light a while back 'No, I didn't. I just had to swerve out of the way of another car to keep from getting hit.' The wife then said, 'No, Dear, you ran that red light just like the officer said.' The man glared a bit harder at her. Finally, the officer said he clocked the car going 77 in a 55 MPH zone. ' I am sure I was not speeding, I had the cruise control set on 55,' replied the man. 'No Dear, you were speeding. You were going nearly 80 miles an hour.' 'Will you shut up, you dumb broad!' the man says. The officer looks into the window at the woman and says, 'Ma'am, does he talk to you like that all the time?' 'No,' she says, 'only when he has been drinking!'
Don't Lie To Your Mom
Shane invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Shane's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Shane and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Shane and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Shane volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Kerry and I are just rommates."
About a week later, Kerry came to Shane and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle."
"You don't suppose she took it, do you? " Shane said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a email just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you didn't take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Later in the day Shane received an email from his mother which read:
"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Kerry, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Kerry. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
Lesson of the day: Don't Lie To Your Mother
Don't Lie To Your Mom
Shane invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Shane's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Shane and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Shane and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Shane volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Kerry and I are just rommates."
About a week later, Kerry came to Shane and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle."
"You don't suppose she took it, do you? " Shane said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a email just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you didn't take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Later in the day Shane received an email from his mother which read:
"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Kerry, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Kerry. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
Lesson of the day: Don't Lie To Your Mother
