AndrewJ
New member
FOR my 40th birthday, my swmbo purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I'm still in good shape, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, herself a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. The swmbo seem pleased with my enthusiasm to get started.
per my diary.
Monday: started at 0600, tough to get out of bed but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me, blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.
she gave me a tour of the facility, took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill and was alarmed that my pulse was so high. I attributed that to standing next to her in her lycra aerobic outfit. Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my stomach was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
Tuesday: I drank a whole pot of coffee but finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air-then she put weights on it. My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Belinda's smile was a reward. I feel GREAT.
Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the sink and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams botherred other club members. Her voice is a little to "perky" for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the "stair monster". Why the h#ll would anyoone invent a machine to simulate and activity rendered obsolete by elevators. Belinda told me it would help get me in shape and enjoy life, she said some other nonsense to.
Thursday: Belinda was waiting for with vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snall. I couldn help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. She took me to work out with dumbbells. When she wasn't looking, I ran and hid in the men''s room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machines. Which I sank.
Friday: I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated another human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps. If you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the $#@$%%^barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (which I am sure you learned in the saids school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from.) The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition instructor.
Saturday: Belinda left a message on my answsering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine. However I lacxked the strength to even use the tv remote and ended up watching eleven hours of the weather channel.
SUNDAY: I'm having the church van pick me up for servcies today so I can go and thank God that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my swmbo will choose a gift for me that is more fun- like a root canal or a vasectomy.
<hr width=100% size=1>The only easy day was yesterday
per my diary.
Monday: started at 0600, tough to get out of bed but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me, blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.
she gave me a tour of the facility, took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill and was alarmed that my pulse was so high. I attributed that to standing next to her in her lycra aerobic outfit. Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my stomach was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.
Tuesday: I drank a whole pot of coffee but finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air-then she put weights on it. My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Belinda's smile was a reward. I feel GREAT.
Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the sink and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams botherred other club members. Her voice is a little to "perky" for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the "stair monster". Why the h#ll would anyoone invent a machine to simulate and activity rendered obsolete by elevators. Belinda told me it would help get me in shape and enjoy life, she said some other nonsense to.
Thursday: Belinda was waiting for with vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snall. I couldn help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. She took me to work out with dumbbells. When she wasn't looking, I ran and hid in the men''s room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machines. Which I sank.
Friday: I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated another human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps. If you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the $#@$%%^barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (which I am sure you learned in the saids school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from.) The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition instructor.
Saturday: Belinda left a message on my answsering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine. However I lacxked the strength to even use the tv remote and ended up watching eleven hours of the weather channel.
SUNDAY: I'm having the church van pick me up for servcies today so I can go and thank God that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my swmbo will choose a gift for me that is more fun- like a root canal or a vasectomy.
<hr width=100% size=1>The only easy day was yesterday
