2nd Try, Anyone know any good jokes.

[powerskipper]

Let's Face it,
If Men got Pregnant, Things would be different.
Here's the top Ten!

1. Morning sickness would rank as the nations number one health problem

2. Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay.

3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

4. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

5. All methods of birth control would become 100% effective.

6. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

7. There would be a cure for stretch marks.

8. Men wouldn't think twins were so cute.

9. They would serve beer instead of coffee at antenatal classes.

10. Sons would have to come home from dates by 9 pm.


<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://powerskipper.mysite.freeserve.com/>http://powerskipper.mysite.freeserve.com/</A>
Julie

 

[Andrew_Fanner]

A woman is jogging one night in the park and finds an old oil lamp. Curiosity gets the better of her (in about 15 nanoseconds) and she rubs the lamp in a speculative manner.

Pof, a genie appears in the traditional manner.

"I am the Genie of the Lamp, I may grant you three wishes. Before I grant the wishes I must ask you a question. Are you married?"

"Yes", the woman replies "quite happily to a lovely, caring, understanding man."

"As I am a very moral genie I must add that your husband will receive twice what you wish for."

"That's fine by me, I love my husband dearly and everything he has is mine, all that I have is his."

"Very well", says the genie, you may have three wishes.

"Firstly, I wish to be the richest woman in the world"

And suddenly she was. The genie reminded her that her husband was now twice as rich.

"Secondly, I wish to be the most beautiful woman who has ever, or will ever, live"

"I must remind you that your husband will become an Adonis beyond compare. Every woman will want him, as well as a fair number of men who didn't realise..."

"But my husband loves me, I am the most beautiful woman in existence, he will have eyes only for me"

"And the third wish is?"

"I want to suffer a heart attack, about half fatal."

Moral, beautiful women are evil schemers

<hr width=100% size=1>Two beers please, my friend is paying.

 

[Col]

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this", said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."


I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."


"That's when I made my big mistake."

"What did you do?" asks the doctor. "

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'. I don't remember much after that."


<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.arweb.co.uk/argallery/colspics> Cols Picture Album</A>

 

[Col]

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems fine, but after awhile she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems fine, but after awhile she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So, Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.arweb.co.uk/argallery/colspics> Cols Picture Album</A>

 

[Mike21]

Obviously not/forums/images/icons/smile.gif

<hr width=100% size=1>

 

[powerskipper]

have a look <A target="_blank" HREF=http://powerskipper.mysite.freeserve.com/>http://powerskipper.mysite.freeserve.com/
Julie

 

[Alistairr]

Very good Julie, But as a man, i think the joke was on the Perfect Woman./forums/images/icons/laugh.gif/forums/images/icons/wink.gif

(Did you click Man at the End??).



<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://arweb.co.uk/argallery/alistair?&page=1> My Pictures, Look if you want.</A>

 

[powerskipper]

Yes Al, tryed them all, just to see!!!!
It appealed to me to /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif fun and funny /forums/images/icons/wink.gif

<hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=http://powerskipper.mysite.freeserve.com/>http://powerskipper.mysite.freeserve.com/</A>
Julie