Why do Woman?

[powerskipper]

Re: Other suitable female challenges..

woman, without her, man is nothing'
woman without, her man, is nothing'

/forums/images/icons/smile.gif like that one, both can be true/forums/images/icons/wink.gif

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Julie

 

[jfm]

haven\'t got one on my keyboard

What's an explanation mark Learner? Is it like a footnote only more detailed?

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[jfm]

Re: Other suitable female challenges..

No it's "woman without hair, man, is nothing". Originally a quote from a Swedish man to his mate in the pub.

Also "Woman without hair, man, in a thong". Similar circumstances but 2 Essex lads in an Essex pub. Referring to armpit hair, having just returned from Sweden

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[EME]

Ooops

.. I guess you don't need an exclamation then ?

Vive le Monaco !!

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[powerskipper]

Have a look at this,/forums/images/icons/wink.gif
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Julie

 

[Artie]

All I know is that whenever we are driving home and I say " Would you like a bag of chips?" She says "No" and promptly eats half of mine.
However, if I try to be smart and buy her a bag anyway she always tells me she said she didn't want any and refuses even one!

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[powerskipper]

So what do you do with the other bag of chips then??


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Julie

 

[Deleted User YDKXO]

5 questions most feared by men

The 5 questions most feared by men are:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat in this?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells
the truth).
Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below, along
with possible responses.

Question 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been
pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
thoughtful,
caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which
most likely is one of the following:
a. Football.
b. Golf.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who
once
told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking
to you!"

Question 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer
is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, shit-loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect
answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend
the
insurance money if you died.

Question 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define pretty
e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend
the
insurance money if you died.

Question 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Ferrari
and
a bigger boat").
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of
follow-up questions, usually along these lines:
WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!
WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.
WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (makes audible groan)
WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?
WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures and replace them with pictures of
her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
MAN: Shit


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[Alistairr]

Re: 5 questions most feared by men

LOL, Fantastic,
Very Funny Mike.

Is it a case of 'There talks a man of Experience'???



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[Deleted User YDKXO]

Re: 5 questions most feared by men

Unfortunately, I cant claim authorship. Must have been penned by some wise ex-married man though

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[powerskipper]

What women Want in a Man

Original List (age 22):
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover.

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32):
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week.

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42):
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady -- splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends.

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52):
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends.

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62):
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend.

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72):
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet



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Julie

 

[Seafort]

Re: Other suitable female challenges..

A bit late I know. I have'nt read the rest yet either.

In answer to:-

>>2) Suggest that it would be a lot more 'male-friendly' to leave loo-seats 'up' , thereby saving loads of time.<<

Allways put the lid down, dont say anything, just "tut" when she leaves it up.

ps This takes years of practice and becomes automatic, this really pi**es mates of too.../forums/images/icons/wink.gif.

Dave.




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[domlee]

Reminds me of a story...

Q. Hey, how do you make a hormone?

A. Don't pay her!

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[motornovice]

Re: What women Want in a Man

This explains it all

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in
their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for
him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of
coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his
coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into
the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago
when we were dating, and you were only 15 ?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do" she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you
remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car
making love?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a
chair beside him. The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter,or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said......
"I would have got out today."


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[powerskipper]

Re: What women Want in a Man

Ouch! /forums/images/icons/laugh.gif

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Julie