What next skipper

benjenbav

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Blimmin teacher's pet. It's just cos you suck up to him on here. :D

He's still ignoring my WNS about the drugs under the bed and the customs officers. Hohum
 

DAKA

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Blimmin teacher's pet. It's just cos you suck up to him on here. :D

Oh you noticed, I thought I might have gone a bit over the top with the like minded scholar statement
;)

He's still ignoring my WNS about the drugs under the bed and the customs officers. Hohum

The blow under the bed was a real classic ,:D (you should copy paste it above )

Tim has a good sense of humour by pm but seems to prefer to maintain a professional lien on here .
 

benjenbav

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The blow under the bed was a real classic ,:D (you should copy paste it above )

OK then, my arm doesn't take much twisting :D.

From the vaults of BJB towers:

The standard issue 45 ft WNS flybridge cruiser fails to fail for once and after an exhilerating Channel crossing you are uncorking the first bottle of what promises to be a delightful evening for the crew which consists of family and friends when les douaniers ask to inspect.

As the black-booted and suited figures, machine pistols at their hips, check your documents you notice your 19 year old son is looking a little pale; he catches your eye and whispers: "I hid the blow under your bed, dad".

Can you distract them by artfully hiding the boat's original VAT receipt?

Will the fact that your tanks are full of red diesel sidetrack the hounds of hell long enough to give you the chance to dispose of the stash?

Is this the last time you will be able to fly that defaced blue of which you are so proud?

WNS??
 
T

timbartlett

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Is this the last time you will be able to fly that defaced blue of which you are so proud?

WNS??
Which is a lovely WNS, but one which I think I would have difficulty persuading Hugo to publish!

PS. Thanks for posting this, DAKA
 

benjenbav

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No worries, Tim. Actually a serious-ish question for you, if you don't mind: why is it that in Rule 12 it says "...in the case of a square rigged vessel, the side opposite to that on which the largest fore-and-aft sail is carried". I thought all sails were fore-and-aft and the other things were called courses.
 

DAKA

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And another serious question which I assume is too sensitive for publication but it remains a concern to many I suspect ........


You are crossing from Southampton water to Le Harve , you have a safe range of 140nm and your twin diesel engined 45ft flybridge has performed well, you have cruised 100 nm without incident with just 15 nm left to run..........
Your wife spots a partially inflated Rubber dinghy drifting with 5 young men frantically waving at you.
You go across to them and manage to get them on board just as their dinghy collapses .
Once aboard you find they dont speak any English but one of them speaks a little French, you establish that they are refusing to go to France and demand to be taken to England , there is a lot of shouting going on....…...what next skipper :eek:
 

Trundlebug

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And another serious question which I assume is too sensitive for publication but it remains a concern to many I suspect ........


You are crossing from Southampton water to Le Harve , you have a safe range of 140nm and your twin diesel engined 45ft flybridge has performed well, you have cruised 100 nm without incident with just 15 nm left to run..........
Your wife spots a partially inflated Rubber dinghy drifting with 5 young men frantically waving at you.
You go across to them and manage to get them on board just as their dinghy collapses .
Once aboard you find they dont speak any English but one of them speaks a little French, you establish that they are refusing to go to France and demand to be taken to England , there is a lot of shouting going on....…...what next skipper :eek:

Give them a choice, be taken to France or swim to England. Ruddy cheek:D
 
T

timbartlett

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No worries, Tim. Actually a serious-ish question for you, if you don't mind: why is it that in Rule 12 it says "...in the case of a square rigged vessel, the side opposite to that on which the largest fore-and-aft sail is carried". I thought all sails were fore-and-aft and the other things were called courses.
I'm not sure about this (I've only ever sailed on one square-rigged vessel, and that was 40 years ago!) but my recollection is that the Course is a specific name given to the lowest square sail on each mast. Above the Course you have things like Gallants and Royals -- but they are all generically known as "sails".

And I think it might be worth bearing in mind that the rules as we know them now grew out of the Steam Navigation Act of 1846: they have always been concerned primarily with steam (or power) driven vessels, and by the time the colregs became international (about 20 years later) a whole generation of seamen had grown up who might never have sailed on a square rigger.
 
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timbartlett

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And another serious question which I assume is too sensitive for publication but it remains a concern to many I suspect ........


You are crossing from Southampton water to Le Harve , you have a safe range of 140nm and your twin diesel engined 45ft flybridge has performed well, you have cruised 100 nm without incident with just 15 nm left to run..........
Your wife spots a partially inflated Rubber dinghy drifting with 5 young men frantically waving at you.
You go across to them and manage to get them on board just as their dinghy collapses .
Once aboard you find they dont speak any English but one of them speaks a little French, you establish that they are refusing to go to France and demand to be taken to England , there is a lot of shouting going on....…...what next skipper :eek:

I'll bounce it off Hugo.
Keep answering it, guys, 'cos it's an interesting question. I'll work on seeing if we can get it published. (Daka only gets his second year's subscriptions if (a) the boss agrees and (b) we get plenty of sensible answers!)
 

AdeOlly

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And another serious question which I assume is too sensitive for publication but it remains a concern to many I suspect ........


You are crossing from Southampton water to Le Harve , you have a safe range of 140nm and your twin diesel engined 45ft flybridge has performed well, you have cruised 100 nm without incident with just 15 nm left to run..........
Your wife spots a partially inflated Rubber dinghy drifting with 5 young men frantically waving at you.
You go across to them and manage to get them on board just as their dinghy collapses .
Once aboard you find they dont speak any English but one of them speaks a little French, you establish that they are refusing to go to France and demand to be taken to England , there is a lot of shouting going on....…...what next skipper :eek:

Point them to the fuel gauge and calmly say pas assez de carburant pour l'Angleterre. Si je me retourne, nous allons manquer de carburant en 30 minutes et d'appeler les garde-côtes qui vous arrête et vous amène à Guantanamo. Je vais vous emmener en France, vous pouvez cacher pendant que je acheter de l'essence et puis je vous amène en Angleterre.

Then of course having convinced them of the cunning plan, I would notify the French authorites when at the fuel berth with the illegals hiding down below, making sure the boat keys and family are off the boat in case they suspect and decide to try and leave on their own.

Translation by Goooogle, so don't blame me if it's wrong :D
 
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benjenbav

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I'm not sure about this (I've only ever sailed on one square-rigged vessel, and that was 40 years ago!) but my recollection is that the Course is a specific name given to the lowest square sail on each mast. Above the Course you have things like Gallants and Royals -- but they are all generically known as "sails".

And I think it might be worth bearing in mind that the rules as we know them now grew out of the Steam Navigation Act of 1846: they have always been concerned primarily with steam (or power) driven vessels, and by the time the colregs became international (about 20 years later) a whole generation of seamen had grown up who might never have sailed on a square rigger.

Thanks Tim. A quick bit of googling suggests your memory is not playing tricks about a course being the lowest square sail on a mast.
 

DAKA

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Point them to the fuel gauge and calmly say pas assez de carburant pour l'Angleterre. Si je me retourne, nous allons manquer de carburant en 30 minutes et d'appeler les garde-côtes qui vous arrête et vous amène à Guantanamo. Je vais vous emmener en France, vous pouvez cacher pendant que je acheter de l'essence et puis je vous amène en Angleterre.

Then of course having convinced them of the cunning plan, I would notify the French authorities when at the fuel berth with the illegals hiding down below, making sure the boat keys and family are off the boat in case they suspect and decide to try and leave on their own.

Translation by Goooogle, so don't blame me if it's wrong :D

Your cunning plan of deception gave me an idea.............

Ive bought a cheap bottle of scotch from netto (made in dewsbury I think) its in a presentation tin.

The plan to offer them a drink, let then down the scotch and carelessly leave the tin in front of the compass, turn an arch to ST Vaast (40 nm just about enough safe range).
Enroute teach then the latest English song craze about kids eating their greens...........

line dance moves similar to Saturday night fever

Words
VIVA Brussels

As you head into St Vaast past the fishing fleet, take photos of them landing the undersize bounty and you tell your Guests they are in England and have then jump up punching the air shouting Viva Brussels

That should be more than enough for the French fishermen to blockade you in and string your guests up while you make your get away ;)
 
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