Wednesday humour...

[BarryD]

A woman takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My Dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your bat and glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth.
Boy: "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks: "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that! That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that **** again."


Barry D.

"No, No, no - come off the plane before entering the lock..."

 

[lyc]

Another Wednesday humour...

A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her
nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table
heard the pouf. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few minutes
later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"

 

[Will_M]

More Wednesday humour...

( My apologies upfront for this one, it may be OTT... )

A koala bear and a hooker go back to her place and they get undressed.

The koala bear goes down on the hooker for 3 hours straight.

She has multiple orgasms.

After 3 hours he stops, gets up and puts on his clothes.

The woman is hanging back huffing and puffing from exhaustion. "Oh God, that was great! Now I need my money."

The koala bear just looks at her and shrugs.

Then the hooker says, "No, I need my money. I'm a hooker and this is how I make a living."

The koala bear just looks at her and continues to put on his clothes.

The hooker gets up and runs to the bookshelf and grabs a dictionary and thumbs to "hooker."

She hands it to the koala bear and it reads: "HOOKER: person who has sex for money."

The koala bear then turns the page to "koala bear" and walks out the door. The hooker reads: "KOALA BEAR: eats bushes and leaves

 

[ccscott49]

Re: More Wednesday humour...

Not OTT! Excellent, haven't heard it for a while!

 

[Will_M]

Re: More Wednesday humour...

Just testing the water to see what would be classed as OTT... Got a poem which starts off.

~ A Poem ~

Roses are cr8p
Violets are sh1t
Sit on my face
And wiggle a bit

.... and it just gets much better from there!! But that would be OTT for here, right??





<P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1>Edited by Will_M on Wed Feb 27 17:11:48 2002 (server time).</FONT></P>

 

[BarryD]

Crap Poems...

Wasn't there a Monthy Python song...

Sit on my face,
and tell me that you love me,
I'll sit on your face,
and tell you I love you too,
It's fun to hear you moralise,
When I'm between your thighs,
You blow me away....

So, sit on my face etc...

Well I liked it. 17:12 Kimised by 17:30 any takers?????

Barry D.

"No, No, no - come off the plane before entering the lock..."

 

[Will_M]

Re: Crap Poems...

No it wasn't Monthy Pythons song, unless their second verse went...

Roses are stupid
Violets are silly
Grease up your flaps
Cuz here comes my willy....

Third verse and onwards it really goes down hill!!!!

 

[boatmad2]

A man in a hot air balloon realised that he was lost.
He reduced altitude and spotted a woman down below. He desended a bit more and shouted, excuse me, can you help me?. I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I dont know where I am.
The woman replied. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximatly 30 feet above the ground. You are at 54 degrees north latitude and 3 degrees west longtitude.

You must be an engineer said the balloonist.

I am said the woman, how did you know?.

Well said the balloonist, everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly youve been no help to me at all so far.

The woman below replied. You must be in management.

I am replied the balloonist but how did you know?.

Well said the woman, you dont know where you are or where you are going!.
You have risen to where you are by a large quantity of hot air. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. In fact you are in exactly the same position you where
before we met but now somehow its my fault.